it wasn't supposed to be this way but...: Dumb mothers

it wasn't supposed to be this way but...: Dumb mothers: I started my day in usual fashion. Breakfast, lunches in book bags, kitchen clean up, animals fed and cared for, and after fifty other th...

Dumb mothers

I started my day in usual fashion.  Breakfast, lunches in book bags, kitchen clean up, animals fed and cared for, and after fifty other things, I left for work.


The morning drive was typical.
What happened next was not typical.


A newspaper ad about the task force was published in the paper.


I spent 32 years in the radio business telling others that nobody reads the paper, this is true.  Unless of course, your name is in the newspaper.


My phone and my email blew up today.  Blew up.


What was so "not typical" of my day was that mothers have all of the sudden come out of the woodwork defending themselves to me.  Or, they go the opposite way, "I am aware, I am so on top of my kids. I know what is going on."


Really?  Really?


Did you know that kids are sticking bottles of booze up their anuses and using alcohol like an enema to get drunk faster without mom's smelling the booze?  Didn't think you knew that.


Did you know that girls are taking tampons and soaking them in vodka and them inserting them for the same reasons?  Or did you know that half the fun at parties now is when you let a guy insert it for you?


I am 50 1/2 years old.  I have NEVER been so desperate for a buzz that I would use a booze enema.  Never.


Look, nobody needs to defend or explain a thing to me.  I only care about what goes on at my street address with MY family.  That is it.  I am not the perfect woman, parent, wife or friend.  I am just a middle aged chick trying to figure it all out as I go with a few laughs along the way.  I just started a task force so that parents who were scared to death could say,"okay, we are not alone. "


To those moms who think they know it all, the picture above is for you.  Kids are kids.  When they are out of your sight, they do crazy things.  I did things my mom still doesn't know about and I hope like hell she never does.  She just had a stroke reading this so I guess I am off the hook.  


Parents, open your eyes and look.  There are Tobacco Shops opening on every corner.  Yet, cigarette smoking is down.  Why are the stores opening up?


Demi Moore smokes Spice and convulses.  Spice is the same thing your kids are smoking that doesn't show up on drug tests.  Look what it did to her and she is a PARENT!


If I have learned one thing as a parent, never say "not my kid."  And, I have also learned, "I really don't know what my kid is doing when out of my sight, I just hope it is legal and respectful."

it wasn't supposed to be this way but...: Okay mom, if you are reading this, calm down. I a...

it wasn't supposed to be this way but...: Okay mom, if you are reading this, calm down. I a...: Okay mom, if you are reading this, calm down. I am not with child and this is not my ultrasound photo. Relax. When I was 58 weeks pregna...

Okay mom, if you are reading this, calm down.  I am not with child and this is not my ultrasound photo.  Relax.

When I was 58 weeks pregnant with Walker, I waddled into my appointment and said, "take this baby out, today.  I don't care if a goat comes out, get it out of me."

My doctor looked at me and said, "be careful what you wish for.  Once they come out, the real work starts and they are much more safe inside than outside."

I have never forgotten that statement.

Tuesday night we had our second Town Hall Meeting.  It was so well attended.
 There was one mother there that said something I will never forget.  "Look at me, I used to be cute but this thing with my son has made me ugly."   I could so relate.  One time after visiting the "button", I commented to Franklin that he "didn't look himself."

Franklin replied, "have you looked at yourself lately?"  He wasn't being mean.

When you bring that baby home, getting a shower is an accomplishment and you don't care what you look like.  You are in love.  You rock your baby and sing and enjoy your baby second by second.

And then they grow up.

 From now on when I get invited to a Baby Shower, I am giving an egg timer as a gift.  Set the sucker daily for fifteen minutes and spend fifteen minutes per day with your child, from the beginning to the end.  Doesn't sound like much but fifteen uninterrupted minutes when they are 15, 16, 17 and 18 is HUGE. And so important.

This mother was, well, nicely put, a hot mess.  I realized that was me in October.  I remember my friend asking me at a school function, "are you okay?".  "No. I am not okay", was my answer.  I too was a hot mess and not in a good way.  She scheduled a night out with me and I couldn't even go.

It was at that moment on Tuesday night when she said, "i used to be cute" that I realized (duh) that this is a process.  I have told my son that one hundred times but it never hit me, really hit me, that motherhood is a process too.  Growing up is a process and so is motherhood.

You have to be brought to your knees to get stronger.  Your heart is a muscle too.  You have to work it out constantly and keep making it stronger and stronger and stronger...keep adding weight to it to get it stronger.  When you fall to your knees, you need to start working out and adding weight again to get you through the process.


She will get there.  I got there.  My friends who lost their children got there.  It is a process.

Sometimes I wish I could have a giant "do over" with my kids...one big Micheal J. Fox Back to the Future do over.
I would change a few things.  But there is no damn "do over", just in kickball.  Once those kids or goats come out, game on!

So just like that mom and her son, my family and I will learn the process and get through it.  It will be a blessing.  When I get to the old folk's home and my kids come for the obligatory monthly visit, we will have the best stories to tell the other guests.  For sure.

it wasn't supposed to be this way but...: The University of Motherhood

it wasn't supposed to be this way but...: The University of Motherhood: I attended kindergarten through twelfth grade. I attended four years of college. Never did I learn as much as when I became a mother. ...

The University of Motherhood

I attended kindergarten through twelfth grade.  I attended four years of college.  Never did I learn as much as when I became a mother.
                                        
                                  This is what I have learned.


1.  If your kid gets a new black shirt, they will NEVER, EVER, spill anything on it.  If they get a new white shirt, they will spill ketchup on the first time they wear it.
2.  Some mornings, when I cannot hear them, my kids have a meeting.  It is the "let's say MOM as many times as we possible can today" meeting.  Those are the days you wish your name was "ass" so every time they said it, you could ground them.
3.  You can spend hours preparing a meal but the best one is always Mac and Cheese from the box.
4.  Trust your gut, it has been with you the longest.
5.  When you want your kids to hear you, they don't.  When you don't want them to hear you, they have bionic 
 6.  If you want to de-stress a stressful situation, just have someone pass gas or even mention it and they will refocus immediately.
7.  Kids don't keep track of anything you do for them.  They do however keep track of who emptied the dishwasher last, the garbage and who ate the last doughnut.  
8.  If you want your  child to pee to bed or puke in the middle of the night, change their sheets and wash all the bedding and they will do it.
9.  If you want to know how well your kid can find something, hide a bag of OREOS and see how long it takes to find them.
10.  Your kids will not want to talk to you until you get a phone call or take a shower or go to the bathroom.
11.  You can repeat and repeat and repeat states and capitals, house rules and anything important they need b to know and they struggle.  Tell a dirty joke or sing the diarrhea song one time in their presence and they will remember it verbatim.
12.  If you want to know how small your child's bladder is, take them on a car ride.
13.  They will always remember the time when some kid threw up in school.
14.  Your kids are always waaaaaaaaaaaay smarter than you think around Christmas time.`
15.  Kids will always learn the value of a dollar when it is their dollar.  
16.  "An ornery pup makes a good dog", that is what my great grandma always said.  The wildest little kids are usually the best adults.  (Man, I hope this comes true)
17. No matter how many times you have embarrassed yourself, the MOST embarrassed you will ever be is when your kids embarrass you.
18.  Teaching your kids to swim and reading to them are probably two of the best things you can do for them, right up there with teaching them to  write thank you notes.
19. If you lay on the grass and look up at the clouds with your kids they will always see bigger and better things than you.
20.  Nothing will melt your heart more than when a 18 year old boy, a nine year old boy or a seven year old girl, leave the house and then run back in and say, "just wanted to kiss you goodbye."


Have a great day.

it wasn't supposed to be this way but...: When Something bad happens...

it wasn't supposed to be this way but...: When Something bad happens...: I have a new obsession. Pinterest. It is bad. Every single time I click onto it, this quote stares at me. I swear that it is "really" s...

When Something bad happens...

I have a new obsession.  Pinterest.  It is bad. 

Every single time I click onto it, this quote stares at me.

I swear that it is "really" speaking to me.  Really.
Like I swear that our cat Ruthie is my mamaw or that the "Amazing Grace" shrimp boat was my mother-in-law.

I swear this quote keeps coming up like a "whack-a-mole". Over and Over again.

And I think of myself, my son and my friends who have lost children.  My friends are tough and gentle cookies.

And then I sit back and say, "I'm getting strong."

And then I lean forward and say, "I surely hope my button is too."

it wasn't supposed to be this way, but...: 2012 New Year's Resolutions

it wasn't supposed to be this way, but...: 2012 New Year's Resolutions: I love, love, love to make New Year's Resolutions. I make them every year. I write them down and tape them to my desk. I have had the s...

2012 New Year's Resolutions

I love, love, love to make New Year's Resolutions.


I make them every year.  I write them down and tape them to my desk.  I have had the same resolutions for twenty years, not kidding.

This year, in 2012, I decided to change.  


Here are my 2012 Virgin Resolutions
1.  Find Joy everyday
2.  Listen longer, more often
3.  Take the long way home
4.  Sing more


Last night, along with some great ladies, we hosted our First Town Hall Meeting.  The purpose of this meeting is to inform and educate parents about drug use in our community.


We had some political officials there, a fabulous forensic nurse and the "button".


You cannot even imagine how he was dreading this.  


We agreed that he should speak only from the heart.  And, he said, "I got this".  Hmmm, I hate when a kid says that to me.


As the people filed in, it did appear to be the beginning of a hen house.  The "button" looked like he could puke.


Finally some testosterone.


And then it was his turn.  He just said that he had lost alot and he would answer questions from a kid's point of view.  Wow.  Tons of questions came his way.  Wow is really all I can say.


And then came the biggie, "what can we do as parents?"


The answer, "listen, listen calmly.  Don't be a friend, be a parent but listen and don't over react."


"Listen".  


A very simple word and very easy to do, anyone can do it and the results can be significant.


"Listen".


I am a passionate person.  Sometimes my passion is misunderstood for yelling.  My enthusiasm takes over like a tsunami.


Last night, after the meeting, I went upstairs to the "button". 


He talked.  I listened.  I did grip the comforter a few times to keep my mouth from opening and from going bizerk.  I too felt like I was going to puke.  I listened.


I was proud of the parents who came.  I was proud of the questions asked and the comments made.  


I was proud that statements were made and that people listened.


I was proud of the "button".  


I am even more proud that I  had the courage to decide to change my resolutions.  I was proud that I made it to January 10, 2012 and still remembered them.


I was proud that I listened and took the information and others cared enough to listen.

Today, a day of firsts

So, today is a big day at our house.  A very big day indeed.

The "button" starts community college.

I start my first full official week at my new career/job.  Yes, that is correct, I am employed.

You will never guess what I do.

I write blogs and other things.

Crazy huh?

I guess you could say I have the "button" to thank for my new career.  I do.  He, and another woman on the porch, gave my the courage to write this blog.  And look what happened.

Amazing.

So today, here I sit in a TOTALLY new environment for me.  Surrounded by Bronco fans (yeah, three of them are from Colorado, gag me) they are very quiet, smart, computer geeks on a mission.  I am excited.  If you are going to re-invent yourself, go all the way and re-invent.

The "button" starts community college and his second job.

And of course, it is Monday, so I started my diet AGAIN today.

And unlike most people on Mondays, there are two really happy people in the world.  One who is writing this because on lousy situation led to a positive one and somewhere there is a "button" finding his way at school.

One life hands you lemons, make lemonade, or write a blog, whatever makes you happy.

it wasn't supposed to be this way, but...: You will never guess how big our New Year Baby was...

it wasn't supposed to be this way, but...: You will never guess how big our New Year Baby was...: After a lengthy conversation with God, a marathon conversation with my gut and an equally long conversation with my husband, we went a broug...

You will never guess how big our New Year Baby was

After a lengthy conversation with God, a marathon conversation with my gut and an equally long conversation with my husband, we went a brought the "button" home from summer camp.

If Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year, eighty days in summer camp after forty-five days in rehab along with the initial thirty-five days in summer camp doesn't change a person, nothing will.

So, the Grisswalds traveled to Beaufort once again for the day.

Apparently, the "button" was asleep when we arrived.  The guard wakes him up and says "Button, pack your stuff."  He replies, "awww are you moving me again?"

"yep, home."

The "button" started to shake.

Nothing says Happy New Year like freedom.  Pork and sauerkraut won't even light a candle to freedom.

When they opened the door and he was standing there, you could see his smile from space.  Truly, his smile was that big.

He hung on me like a baby chimp hanging on a mother chimp during a thunderstorm.  I melted.

Truly, I am at peace with all of this, FINALLY.

I have done my best and have done all I can do.

When I was 90 weeks pregnant with one of the kids, I complained to my doctor about how I wanted "it" out.  He responded, "be careful what you wish for, inside you know where it is and when it comes out is when all the work begins."  Wow, there was some foreshadowing.

So, the "button" is home...has made a pad in the loft. 

What did he notice?  Smells.

He should work for Glade or Freebreeze.

What did I notice?  A young boy turning into a man. 

He is off to register for community college as I write.

A Principal once told me that when you see a mother duck in a pond, she always has ducks following her in a straight line.  Then there is the one.  The one who swims out of line, all over the place, not paying attention to his mother, looking at something else, then puts his head underneath the water and eventually gets to land. 

Doesn't matter how you get there, just matters that you get there.

And that the mother duck doesn't drown you before you get there.

I have peace in my heart as the new year begins.

Happy New Year!  I hope we all get to where we need to be going.