We dropped our daughter at the University of Tennessee in Knoxville. It is not really the drop off that gets you, it is the "afterward".
You arrive home and things are "just different." The quiet is deafening. Things are different. Very different.
When my kids were younger and they attended "Camp Grandparents" or "Bahneman or Bust" camp, for one week, it was different. I guess the "different" is how a kangaroo feels when the little joey leaves the pouch. It feels "different".
The laundry load is smaller, peanut butter will last longer. It is different.
What is not different is my daughter's quest for independence.
She was determined to go "away" to college.
Five hundred twelve miles separates us. It seems like yesterday she wasn't allowed past the mail box.
She knows "sort of" one person.
I checked my lifetime 360 ap and she returned to her dorm room in the wee hours of the morning. I guess she "sort of" met some new people and they were fun. Ugh.
It was not the smoothest drop off and as the hours approached, despite her desire to be independent, she teetered on the edge of a total meltdown.
Apparently, she recovered nicely from that stressful move in and meltdown.
The last one to seek independence and a quest for higher education.
But it is different. The second one leaves in two days.
Being empty nesters will be different. But I am really looking forward to independence as well. There is a lighter feeling, a more relaxed feeling when the kids are gone. I am looking forward to slowing down.
I left her a "UTK" gift box with a letter in her dorm room as we were leaving. I knew she would reach for it after we left.
My first text from her new pad at UTK was this, loved the note".
Dear Addie,
If you are reading this, you are most likely alone in your new dorm room (which you feel like is the Taj Mahal), your dad is on the floor board of the car in the fetal position, bawling, Walker is searching for food and I am jamming to the radio.
You are a college freshman! Woot, Woot! You have been in training for this for years. You made it.
You are meant to be an independent woman. I am so proud of you. I am one, your grandma is too, your great grandmother was, your great-great grandma was and your namesake, Addie Smucker was one too. Welcome to the club!
Independence is awesome.
So here you are, exercising your independence and quest for knowledge and it is a bit scary and fun. So, there are a few tips I would like to pass on to you.
1. Go to class. "It doesn’t matter what you wear, it only matters that you are there." Go to class. Don’t be late over the outfit, get there.
2. Look, "you are just a small town girl, born and raised in Cedar Point" (I know you are singing this) and that is so ok. Do not ever forget where you came from, the folks who helped make you who you are today, your mistakes, your successes and your accomplishments. Do not forget who you are and do not become someone you are not. It Never works out. Ever. Do not be someone you are not.
3. Do not EVER let a male define you. Ever. BE a big enough person that no male needs to make you, you. Stand on your own.
4. Do not be afraid to get to know somebody you never thought you would like. Everyone has something good to offer. Smile at the loner in the cafeteria, say yes when you normally would say no and go for it. Let your personality shine. Give every person and experience (unless it includes being bailed out) a chance.
5. Go to every building at UT you can get into, especially the library. Explore all that you can. Take in every moment. It will be over in a blink.
6. Go to class.
7. Walk down different streets, smell the rain, love autumn leaves and learn to smell snow. Learn to enjoy what you do not have at home.
8. No means no, and I mean with men. If you say no and he continues, bust his balls, hard. And then do it again for me. And never give him a second thought.
9. Wash your sheets.
10. Fake is fake and falls apart. Don’t waste your time and energy on fake. Learn to find the authentic folks and hang with them. It will last.
11. Go to class.
12. Do your best, every day.
13. Trust your gut and when it does not feel right, chances are it is not right.
14. Call your grandparents.
15. Sit in the front row at all classes you are attending. Make sure they know your name. Participate. Let your personality shine.
16. When you are sad or frustrated and not sure, call your mom. When you need money, call your dad. When you want to talk about stuff that you are sure I don’t want to hear, call your brothers. (not sure I would always take their advice, but call them)
17. Go to class.
18. It is ok to fail sometimes. Typically, that is when you learn the most.
19. Don’t be the skank in your dorm that has a different guy in her room every night. Those skanks stay skanky and get scabs and warts and you are way better.
20. Have fun but remember, these are the warm up laps before things get real.
21. You said your worst fear was "having to move back home and live with us after college." It should be. Ask questions, ask for help, ask for opportunities and listen to advice. We might be old, but we know some things.
22. Laugh at yourself. Pat your self on your back when you know you did your best and before you fall asleep every night, think about good thing you did that day. Let your last thoughts be great ones. Laugh as much as you can.
23. Conflict resolution. Being a freshman is your first attempt at Conflict Resolution. What does that mean? You need to figure out how to get along with someone you have never met. Unless she is a meth head or wanted by the FBI, you need to figure it out.
24. ROOMMATE...Pick up your clothes from the floor and please do not speak to her like you do your brothers. Do your part to make it work.
This should not come as a shock to you (since you think I am prehistoric) but my freshman year, debit cards were not in existence. Or cell phones or facetime. We had this phone in our room and we always said the people before us tried to hang themselves in the room, so they gave us a cord on a phone that was literally four inches long. You probably do not even know what that means…anyway…you only called your parents on Sunday around 2pm when the long distance rates were low. Once time per week. If they called any other time, it was an emergency. So, I could not text for help, facetime for help and call my mom 19 times until she picked up (back then if she was on the phone you got a busy signal and you could not get through anyway) but the bottom line was, it was sink or swim. Figure it out or move home. And I was not moving home. Part of the conflict resolution. You have a situation, so you must solve it. Conflict resolution is the key to a happy life. Want to be married with kids? Then you must master conflict resolution. When your new roommate sits on your bed after you just made it, do not scream at her because she has no idea that is one of your OCD moves. And guess what, some monster will not get you in the middle of the night because she sat on the freshly made bed.
The day you went to kindergarten, it was staggered entry. I dropped you off, walked all the way down the hall to the class and you bolted in the door. Your short, curly hair bounced away and you NEVER turned back around. You didn’t say goodbye, nothing.
As I walked back down the hall toward the front of the school, I heard this little voice yell, "Mom" and I turned around because I was the only person in the hall, and your little head was sticking out of the door, with your feet still in the classroom….it was almost like if you crossed the invisible line, you wouldn’t be able to go to school but you yelled, "thanks for bringing me to kinner garden mom."
You could not pronounce it but you sure were proud.
I waved at you cause the other classes were in session and I bawled me eyes out as I walked to the car. I bawled because at that very moment, I knew you were leaving my nest, as you should. I knew you would have other teachers and mentors and folks who would teach you. I knew you would fly and fly far away because you were worthy. And just like 13 years ago I know that after today, everything will be different. You are becoming an adult and a lovely woman. It was my goal for you. Even if it meant you would leave me. And that is why I have been excited for you to get to this next phase. I am going to miss you but I want you to experience one of the greatest things you will ever have done. Remember, it came before having kids on my list. hahaha
Think of me at home, alone with Frank-tank and hot dog flavored potato chips. And know that you are loved beyond measure and today you are my favorite child. (Just for today though) I have Walker alone for a week. hahahhahha
Go forth, conquer, fly high. Let your personality shine bright, soak the next four years in and get your ass to class.
Love,
MOM
She will fly high. Franklin and I will make it. It will be "different" but liberating.
Go Vols.
