the story of kids,chaos, mothering challenges and sometimes chocolate
Friday, August 28, 2015
it wasn't supposed to be this way but...: "Why Alison, Mom?"
it wasn't supposed to be this way but...: "Why Alison, Mom?": I haven't blogged lately. No excuses. Not feeling it. Overwhelmed with life. Until Wednesday. I was working from home and got &qu...
"Why Alison, Mom?"
I haven't blogged lately. No excuses. Not feeling it. Overwhelmed with life.
Until Wednesday.
I was working from home and got "the call." You know, "the call" where your whole world changes. The feeling you remember the moment forever... The Challenger Explosion, The Diana accident, 9-11, my dear friend's baby drowning, a young boy in a skate boarding accident, "that call."
I had to work. But, I couldn't. I just could not get it together. No, not Alison.
My kids have all been very fortunate to go to work with me on occasions. Radio or television stations. It doesn't suck.
So, on one occasion, Adeline had to go with me to the television station. Her first time. "It will be great, she will see women in the work place, lots of them, changing the world." She can watch Anna do the noon news and she will become a focused woman (in the fifth grade).
Her favorite thing was the dressing room, go figure.
Until a tall, slender blonde walked by her.
Wednesday, I had to pick the new seventh grader up. She saw all the signs. I looked terrible. And then the evidence, Cheetos and chocolate. I stress ate.
"Mom, what IS wrong with you?"
"Oh Addie, it is horrible."
"What? Mom you can tell me."
Maybe speaking it made it real. Maybe it cemented the tragedy. Maybe if I didn't tell her it would go away. I couldn't speak.
"Mom, I won't quit asking." I knew she would be relentless.
"Remember that one time you went to work with me and watched Anna B (that is what she calls Anna) do the noon news? And then that tall, blonde girl talked to you?"
"Yes, the one who asked me what I wanted to do when I grew up and she told me to get good grades and be involved (I had no idea this conversation until this moment), and work hard...mom, what happened?
And then I spoke.
And for what seemed like an eternity, neither of us spoke. A very rare thing.
A small, sad voice came from the back seat, "Why Alison, Mom? Why did God pick her and that other boy? Why?"
I looked in the rearview at her and shook my head. No words. No words for a long time.
We got home...and I ran to the television. Addie was right there with me.
And there she was, Alison and her camera man, Adam.
And we sat in silence and watched and listened.
I could not stop my mind from racing. She was just like my nieces, Emma and Allison, and my God Daughter Abby, out of school, first true love, starting her career, starting her life, a fabulous boyfriend, and, I was here once (minus the slender part). Who wouldn't want the love of their life to use the word, "BETROTHED?
Every time they showed her picture, I was impressed by how polished and how radiant she was and how confident she appeared. She was having the time of her life. Wow, she had grown so.
And I kept thinking about how her father came to New Bern and picked an apartment for her at an Assisted Living Home, to keep her safe. I was so impressed by that creative approach that I was certain that Franklin would be picking the same type of living arrangements for Adeline some day.
The Assisted Living Home was my client. They told me how funny it was that Alison was living there. This arrangement was the perfect plot for a movie...a young girl changing the elderly and the elderly changing her.
And during the commercial break, I asked her, "How did you remember that Alison spoke to you that day?
Her answer opened my heart...."because she was the only one who did."
Of course Alison did. Of course Alison noticed a little fifth grade girl sitting in the control room watching Anna B. And of course she would speak to her, she would ask why she was there and what grade she was in or what she wanted to do when she was bigger. Of course.
Alison was "that" person.
And I knew it was coming, "Why Alison and that boy Adam, mom. Why did God pick them?"
I took a huge breath. I went for it.
"Because if it was drug dealer, or a child molester or a person who just sucked the life out of the earth, it wouldn't matter. Nobody would care. We, us, none of us, would care or be sad. But Alison and Adam were special. They were special from the moment they got here"
"Alison made a difference. She was gifted. She was an Angel, in the truest sense. We will always remember both of them, just like they were, young, madly in love, ready to start new chapters in their lives, we will always see them youthful, not old, and only see them happy and energetic and filled with life and ambition. But more importantly, Alison and Adam were chosen to make a difference. In life, they were positive influencers and contributors, they made a difference and now in death, they were going to continue to make a difference...they would change things...for the better. Journalists would be more aware...their own were targeted. Mental illness would FINALLY be addressed...it would take Journalists and folks in the media to finally see that they do make a difference and the media could use this to help Mental Illness and modify gun laws"
"Look at what the Hughes family or Candida have done...look at the changes they have made...I feel that her dad is going to take his love for his daughter and make changes, big ones. We are running in a color run tomorrow because Drew's parents are still making a difference".
"And Addie, it is about HOPE." "Giving HOPE is the greatest form of God's Love that you can give. Alison and Adam give us HOPE that a difference can be made."
"Do you really believe this mom?"
"Yes. I didn't at first. I wanted to kick God. Hard. A couple hundred times. But today made me realize that I shouldn't have lost it when we thought Walker lost the $40 dollars on Saturday. Alison and Adam showed me what I "used" to be like...I am going back there (minus the slender part). Alison and Adam showed reminded me of how precious life is and I was going to grab the rest of my life and make it count. And I HOPE Addie, that I am not alone. I HOPE that others sit back and look at these two young, vibrant, wonderful people and decide to change. And make a positive difference. Like they were doing.
"Addie, your great-great grandma always said that Heaven wasn't a geriatric center. It was the young folks, the young hearts and spirits that made it Heaven.
She looked at me. Raised her eyebrows and said, "okay, but she will be missed."
And then she said, "but she is still here, as an Angel...making sure it happens.
Carry on Alison and Adam.
Until Wednesday.
I was working from home and got "the call." You know, "the call" where your whole world changes. The feeling you remember the moment forever... The Challenger Explosion, The Diana accident, 9-11, my dear friend's baby drowning, a young boy in a skate boarding accident, "that call."
I had to work. But, I couldn't. I just could not get it together. No, not Alison.
My kids have all been very fortunate to go to work with me on occasions. Radio or television stations. It doesn't suck.
So, on one occasion, Adeline had to go with me to the television station. Her first time. "It will be great, she will see women in the work place, lots of them, changing the world." She can watch Anna do the noon news and she will become a focused woman (in the fifth grade).
Her favorite thing was the dressing room, go figure.
Until a tall, slender blonde walked by her.
Wednesday, I had to pick the new seventh grader up. She saw all the signs. I looked terrible. And then the evidence, Cheetos and chocolate. I stress ate.
"Mom, what IS wrong with you?"
"Oh Addie, it is horrible."
"What? Mom you can tell me."
Maybe speaking it made it real. Maybe it cemented the tragedy. Maybe if I didn't tell her it would go away. I couldn't speak.
"Mom, I won't quit asking." I knew she would be relentless.
"Remember that one time you went to work with me and watched Anna B (that is what she calls Anna) do the noon news? And then that tall, blonde girl talked to you?"
"Yes, the one who asked me what I wanted to do when I grew up and she told me to get good grades and be involved (I had no idea this conversation until this moment), and work hard...mom, what happened?
And then I spoke.
And for what seemed like an eternity, neither of us spoke. A very rare thing.
A small, sad voice came from the back seat, "Why Alison, Mom? Why did God pick her and that other boy? Why?"
I looked in the rearview at her and shook my head. No words. No words for a long time.
We got home...and I ran to the television. Addie was right there with me.
And there she was, Alison and her camera man, Adam.
And we sat in silence and watched and listened.
I could not stop my mind from racing. She was just like my nieces, Emma and Allison, and my God Daughter Abby, out of school, first true love, starting her career, starting her life, a fabulous boyfriend, and, I was here once (minus the slender part). Who wouldn't want the love of their life to use the word, "BETROTHED?
Every time they showed her picture, I was impressed by how polished and how radiant she was and how confident she appeared. She was having the time of her life. Wow, she had grown so.
And I kept thinking about how her father came to New Bern and picked an apartment for her at an Assisted Living Home, to keep her safe. I was so impressed by that creative approach that I was certain that Franklin would be picking the same type of living arrangements for Adeline some day.
The Assisted Living Home was my client. They told me how funny it was that Alison was living there. This arrangement was the perfect plot for a movie...a young girl changing the elderly and the elderly changing her.
And during the commercial break, I asked her, "How did you remember that Alison spoke to you that day?
Her answer opened my heart...."because she was the only one who did."
Of course Alison did. Of course Alison noticed a little fifth grade girl sitting in the control room watching Anna B. And of course she would speak to her, she would ask why she was there and what grade she was in or what she wanted to do when she was bigger. Of course.
Alison was "that" person.
And I knew it was coming, "Why Alison and that boy Adam, mom. Why did God pick them?"
I took a huge breath. I went for it.
"Because if it was drug dealer, or a child molester or a person who just sucked the life out of the earth, it wouldn't matter. Nobody would care. We, us, none of us, would care or be sad. But Alison and Adam were special. They were special from the moment they got here"
"Alison made a difference. She was gifted. She was an Angel, in the truest sense. We will always remember both of them, just like they were, young, madly in love, ready to start new chapters in their lives, we will always see them youthful, not old, and only see them happy and energetic and filled with life and ambition. But more importantly, Alison and Adam were chosen to make a difference. In life, they were positive influencers and contributors, they made a difference and now in death, they were going to continue to make a difference...they would change things...for the better. Journalists would be more aware...their own were targeted. Mental illness would FINALLY be addressed...it would take Journalists and folks in the media to finally see that they do make a difference and the media could use this to help Mental Illness and modify gun laws"
"Look at what the Hughes family or Candida have done...look at the changes they have made...I feel that her dad is going to take his love for his daughter and make changes, big ones. We are running in a color run tomorrow because Drew's parents are still making a difference".
"And Addie, it is about HOPE." "Giving HOPE is the greatest form of God's Love that you can give. Alison and Adam give us HOPE that a difference can be made."
"Do you really believe this mom?"
"Yes. I didn't at first. I wanted to kick God. Hard. A couple hundred times. But today made me realize that I shouldn't have lost it when we thought Walker lost the $40 dollars on Saturday. Alison and Adam showed me what I "used" to be like...I am going back there (minus the slender part). Alison and Adam showed reminded me of how precious life is and I was going to grab the rest of my life and make it count. And I HOPE Addie, that I am not alone. I HOPE that others sit back and look at these two young, vibrant, wonderful people and decide to change. And make a positive difference. Like they were doing.
"Addie, your great-great grandma always said that Heaven wasn't a geriatric center. It was the young folks, the young hearts and spirits that made it Heaven.
She looked at me. Raised her eyebrows and said, "okay, but she will be missed."
And then she said, "but she is still here, as an Angel...making sure it happens.
Carry on Alison and Adam.
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