The University of Motherhood

I attended kindergarten through twelfth grade.  I attended four years of college.  Never did I learn as much as when I became a mother.
                                        
                                  This is what I have learned.


1.  If your kid gets a new black shirt, they will NEVER, EVER, spill anything on it.  If they get a new white shirt, they will spill ketchup on the first time they wear it.
2.  Some mornings, when I cannot hear them, my kids have a meeting.  It is the "let's say MOM as many times as we possible can today" meeting.  Those are the days you wish your name was "ass" so every time they said it, you could ground them.
3.  You can spend hours preparing a meal but the best one is always Mac and Cheese from the box.
4.  Trust your gut, it has been with you the longest.
5.  When you want your kids to hear you, they don't.  When you don't want them to hear you, they have bionic 
 6.  If you want to de-stress a stressful situation, just have someone pass gas or even mention it and they will refocus immediately.
7.  Kids don't keep track of anything you do for them.  They do however keep track of who emptied the dishwasher last, the garbage and who ate the last doughnut.  
8.  If you want your  child to pee to bed or puke in the middle of the night, change their sheets and wash all the bedding and they will do it.
9.  If you want to know how well your kid can find something, hide a bag of OREOS and see how long it takes to find them.
10.  Your kids will not want to talk to you until you get a phone call or take a shower or go to the bathroom.
11.  You can repeat and repeat and repeat states and capitals, house rules and anything important they need b to know and they struggle.  Tell a dirty joke or sing the diarrhea song one time in their presence and they will remember it verbatim.
12.  If you want to know how small your child's bladder is, take them on a car ride.
13.  They will always remember the time when some kid threw up in school.
14.  Your kids are always waaaaaaaaaaaay smarter than you think around Christmas time.`
15.  Kids will always learn the value of a dollar when it is their dollar.  
16.  "An ornery pup makes a good dog", that is what my great grandma always said.  The wildest little kids are usually the best adults.  (Man, I hope this comes true)
17. No matter how many times you have embarrassed yourself, the MOST embarrassed you will ever be is when your kids embarrass you.
18.  Teaching your kids to swim and reading to them are probably two of the best things you can do for them, right up there with teaching them to  write thank you notes.
19. If you lay on the grass and look up at the clouds with your kids they will always see bigger and better things than you.
20.  Nothing will melt your heart more than when a 18 year old boy, a nine year old boy or a seven year old girl, leave the house and then run back in and say, "just wanted to kiss you goodbye."


Have a great day.