Goodnight Moon

We are "moon" people at our home.  We watch the moon, we talk about the moon, we take pictures of the moon.  We are in awe of the moon.

When Walker and Addie were babies, the room was done in moons and stars. We are celestial people.

Years ago, when my brother and I lived in Switzerland, despite all the beauty around us, the thing that inspired me the most, was the moon.  I just could not imagine that a moon so big and lovely was the same moon that was in the sky in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.  It just seemed to me that each country should go "moon shopping"  I was in awe of the moon.

In Switzerland, we would sometimes go down to the mountain to town.  When the boss man was in a good mood, he would let my brother drive "la machine". It was a big "rat track" or a snow machine with a HUGE open back for supplies.  On these nights, it was for partying Swiss folks and some stow away Americans.  As would we travel down or up the mountain under starry skies, the moon seemed like we could reach out and touch it, hang from it or jump on it.  I still can remember those nights, the smell of the snow, the laughter of Swiss people, faint smell of red wine and the moon shining down on us.

During our group therapy sessions, with parents all over the United States, the one thing that gives us all comfort is the moon.  It is the only thing that parents and "walking" children have in common.  We get to see the moon nightly and we know that somewhere in a forest, our children are there. 

And when we open our letters, the children also talk about the moon.  Instead of nightly fireside chats (the fireside chats have been cancelled because our children are also surrounded by forest fires, ugh, that is another blog) they have starry chats.  This is where they lay under the stars and have their "group therapy sessions".  A new spin on therapy.

it wasn't supposed to be this way but...: You reap what you sow...

it wasn't supposed to be this way but...: You reap what you sow...: Months ago, I was a broken seed.  I blogged about it.  And, I planted.  And planted and planted.  My Pastor spoke and I listened.  And then ...

You reap what you sow...

Months ago, I was a broken seed.  I blogged about it.  And, I planted.  And planted and planted.  My Pastor spoke and I listened.  And then I said, "Limbo sucks."

We put on our Tigger suits and we went went into action.

Off to the wilderness.  Let nature and God intervene. "Let Go and Let God."

Yesterday, this is what greeted me.

One year ago, my family was broken, my heart at war.

Last night, Franklin and I participated in our group therapy session.

Again, "if you take your troubles to the market, chances are you will leave with your basket."

Mothers and fathers, with hearts at war, spoke with ache and defeat in their voices.  One mother has a 10 and a 13 year old, the 13 year old is "on the trail."  Walker is 10.  Ugh.

Another mother was fiercely determined to "fix" her son.  She was sure that this program had a 100 percent guarantee for life.  She had a heart at war.  She had her fists up and was ready to still fight.  She was not ready to change herself.  She just wanted her son to change. 

I sat and listened and listened and listened. 

It is so easy to listen and empathize with these parents.  I have been that "fix it" mom, whether he wanted it or not.  The mother who said, "you are going to have fun, now suck it up and smile, damn it." 

Franklin and I have embraced this program. "You reap what you sow."  We have put  our arms around the program and we have read and absorbed and listened and learned.  And, we have put our fists down and have embraced change to walk forward.

The therapy is designed to put all of the family on the same trail...and the entire  family walk forward.   Fill you heart with love and positive energy.  The more energy you give something, positive or negative, the bigger it becomes.  Fill your heart with love.  Treat and speak to people like they are people and not objects. 

We are all about it.  We have learned.  We have looked at our mistakes and shrugged our shoulders.  Child rearing doesn't come with a replay button or a crystal ball.

Are our kids going to make mistakes?  Yep.  Am I?  Yep.  It is all in how you handle it and your attitude.

I have planted my garden.  I will take bright, happy sunflowers any day of the week.  Weeds suck.  The soil makes all the difference.  Franklin and I are working on fertilizing the soil, even scraps make  compost.  Compost makes fabulous soil.

If you plant your seeds in great soil, the seeds will break, sprout new life and then, you will reap what you sow.  For the first time in a year, I am so looking forward to how this garden will blossom.

oh, PS.  Walker took that picture.

it wasn't supposed to be this way but...: From the inside out

it wasn't supposed to be this way but...: From the inside out: Today, after work, I decided to take advantage of where I live and I went for a massive power walk on the beach. The season is just is jus...

From the inside out

Today, after work, I decided to take advantage of where I live and I went for a massive power walk on the beach.

The season is just is just beginning and the beach was full and older couples, grandparents with grandchildren and kids out of college.

I was a power walking fool on a mission.

I walked toward the less populated part of the beach and was amazed how empty it was.

And then, I came across a little girl playing in the water with her grandfather.  Her parents were perfectly poised in their beach chairs as they watched the two in the water.  Both parents were grinning from ear to ear. 

The lanky young girl had on a darling bathing suit.  Red and white gingham check ( I love gingham anything) with her little matching hat and her ruffles all over those bum cheeks.  Adorable.  She squealed with delight as grand daddy would left her out of the water and you could feel that she was his heart.  I smiled inside and out watching this.

She pranced like Bambi on that spring time morning with the butterflies and the animals in the forest.  She was having the time of her life.

I was one of those very fortunate people who had a set of wonderful grand parents and my heart always grows fifty sizes bigger when I see others experiencing this as well.

I looked again at the parents and how happy they were and then I glanced over my shoulder  one more time at the young girl.  And then I saw it.

I almost stopped in my tracks. My stomach turned and I felt every internal organ in my body. head to my throat.

She (Bambi) was SEVERELY burned  on her face and neck.  Notice the caps in the word severely.  My heart ached.  I continued my walk but all I could think about was her and the pain she had endured and the heartache her family endured.  I also thought about the pain forth coming from future operations. 

As I walked, I just kept thinking about Bambi in the red and white gingham check bikini laughing and squealing with delight.  Wow, what a spirit she must have and what a story under  there covered in red and white gingham.

On the return trip, I could see them from the distance. Grand daddy was still in the water with her and it looked like he was timing her sprints.  Man, Bambi could run. 

As I got closer, I saw one little girl in a Peace sign bathing suit, short and stocky with a sassy haircut approaching Bambi.  Short and Sassy was getting there just as I was and she walked up to Bambi and asked, "Hey Girl, do you want to play?"

Bambi looked over her shoulder to make sure that Short and Sassy was indeed speaking to her and she says, "Sure."  Bambi's "sure" also had an attitude.  It was the "okay,  I am really busy today but sure, for now."

As a mom, I wasn't quite sure what Short and Sassy was going to say but I am pretty sure that my first guess wasn't "Hey girl, do you want to play?"  I would have guessed, "what happened to you?"

Now at this point, I stop walking and pretend to be readjusting my shoe.  What I was really doing was watching Bambi's parents who were perched out of the beach chairs with grins that you could see from space. Bambi's mom had her neck stretched like  a mama giraffe. As Bambi walked away to Short and Sassy's "area", she looked up at her parents, who nodded and she knew she had the parental "go ahead" and the WHOLE time, Grand daddy just stood there was a smile as big as the ocean behind him.

I felt the gooiest of warmth in my heart.  God puts us all where we need to be at any moment.  Bambi needed a beach buddy and Short and Sassy was the perfect match and the parent's needed to know that some people can see a spirit for the inside out.  I felt like I was the luckiest because I got to see it all and it warmed my heart.

My best friend always says that if you take your basket of troubles to the Trouble market, chances are you will leave with your original basket.

Isn't that the truth?

I walked back with a smile.  Originally, when I saw Bambi, I envied her for the frolic in the ocean spray with her grand dad.  Then, I was heartsick for her.  And then again, happy.  But the person I was happiest for the most was Grand daddy.  Despite his age, just when he thought he had seen it all, he witnessed one little short and sassy Peace sign bathing suit, bring a different kind of Peace when she bypassed a physical issue and looked from the inside out.

Today's horoscope

I follow my horoscope.  Daily.  Faithfully.  Judge if you want, you would be amazed.

So, here are today's horoscopes in my house.

Aries(me)  Take a risk with the unknown today and don't let your fears keep you from missing out on a potentially wonderful experience.

Taurus ("button")  Take off to the stars today, Taurus, and keep your mind and your heart open to all the possibilities that ca come when you have faith in yourself and the work you do.  Mastery of a skill comes when you have the guts to always take it to the next level.  Consider different areas of your life that require more of that confidence at this time. Implement this courageous attitude.

Leo (Franklin)  This is a good day for you to get out of the dirt and into the air in order to gain, a fresh, new perspective on a situation, Leo.  Don't dwell on things beneath  or behind you.  Keep looking up.  Pick up the phone and call a  close friend you haven't spoken with in a while.  There may be a great deal of catching up to do.  Sometimes we forget the importance of maintaining contact with old buddies.

Wow. Insignificant to most, but not to me, Franklin, or the "button."

Late Tuesday evening, Franklin went to summer camp and brought the "button" home.

This morning, with only 24 pairs of underwear in the "button's"  backpack, Franklin and the "button" left on a big adventure.  The "button" will be attending a therapeutic wilderness program for awhile.

Where?  Let's just say it is time zones with an "S "away and I don't think that the "button" will ride a bike home from this place.  Boarding passes were involved.

Franklin will attend a twelve hour session after the "button" departs for his walk in the wilderness. 

Upon completion, Franklin will have to go back, spend days in the wilderness with him and then bring him on back.  One step at a time for now.

Why did we decided to send him?  Easy.  He is our kid.  He needs help.  We are just parents and we are not trained professionals.  If he needed glasses, we would take him to the eye doctor.  Summer camp is not a place to get well.  It is a place to think about what you need help with and and after 192 days in summer camp in less than one year, there has been plenty of time to think.

Am I optimistic?  If there is HOPE, I always chose Hope.  Always.
Am I scared?  What parent isn't?  But a friend of mine always says,"high expectations, high returns."
And I am excited for both my two favorite guys?  Yes.  The trip to the airport, without glass between the two of them, literally, was a good experience.

On Tuesday evening, the boys were in the kitchen and didn't know I was in the laundry room.  Walker, despite his joy, said to the "button,"  "You will be gone for over BLANK days."

The button replied, "I know." 

Walker then said, "I will wait and have my birthday party when you get back.  We can have ours together and I will tell mom to you get you a gun like mine.  But, you have to quit disappointing me.  You promise and then screw me over.  I love you but stop doing that to me.  If you come back I will even talk mom into taking us to Kabuto's." 

My boys and Kabuto's.  They love that place, I hate it. They love to go there for their birthday's.  I was so happy that I thought I avoided it this year.   The only time I puked when I was pregnant with Walker was there, ugh.

And, it is because of two other people in this home (Walker and Addie)  that Franklin and I handled it the way we have...he is still just a kid who needs to grow up and get the kinks out and he is loved.  We know that as a family, we are better with the "button" in our family than not and there are two people who are counting on us to guide the "button". 

This is my 100th post. 
Thank you for your support and encouragement.  Let's HOPE it doesn't go to 200.  Thank you.

And so, off to the wilderness they go. 

And at night when the "button" is sleeping under the stars, the stars said, "keep you mind open to all the possibilities that come when you have faith in yourself and the work you do."

it wasn't supposed to be this way but...: what are you on?

it wasn't supposed to be this way but...: what are you on?: I am constantly asked, "are you on anything?"  Okay, how bad must you look and act for people to ask you if you are on anything?  I am not...