the story of kids,chaos, mothering challenges and sometimes chocolate
Sunday, September 18, 2011
it wasn't supposed to be this way, but...: There's no place like home and Chocolate chip cook...
it wasn't supposed to be this way, but...: There's no place like home and Chocolate chip cook...: On the day that I was officially able to eat chocolate, I was summonsed to the Land of Oz to pick up the "button". He was discharged. H...
There's no place like home and Chocolate chip cookies
On the day that I was officially able to eat chocolate, I was summonsed to the Land of Oz to pick up the "button".
He was discharged.
He was coming home. Over 75 days of clean and sober living.
And off I went to get him. I was happy. I was nervous. I was scared. I was relieved. I was unsure. I was hopefully optimistic.
I climbed the mountain one last time and there he was, the "button".
The Land of Oz was in the rear view mirror and we NEVER looked back.
The ride home was "interesting". It reminded me of a real life grab bag. I was never sure where the conversation was going next. I listened. While I have a million unanswered questions, I am pretty sure that those are the questions you never really want the answers too. I only asked one. The answer was better than I expected.
Instead he talked and talked. What was looking forward to the most? Showering without shoes. That was it, taking a shower without shoes on.
He told me some stories about the fellows he met. He agreed that he should write a book. He is amazed at what he has learned in such a short period of time and also what he lost while learning.
He looked "bigger" to me than ever before. And while he is becoming a "man" he had that look in his eyes when he too is a bit nervous.
He said that he hadn't slept a full night in about 80 nights. Apparently while I was up obsessing and seeing questions on my ceiling, he was seeing questions on his too.
Interesting, the place he "hated" the most was now the place he couldn't wait to return too.
And now we move forward as a family. Last night was family dinner and for the first time since May, there were five plates on the table.
I once returned home after living away and it wasn't easy and that was without the turmoil. There will be a very structured plan for the "button" as he transitions. We are honest and optimistic. And off we go. I am sure there will be Hallmark moments and Jerry Springer moments too. We are just human.
I did eat two chocolate chip cookies yesterday. And yes, they were delicious.
He was discharged.
He was coming home. Over 75 days of clean and sober living.
And off I went to get him. I was happy. I was nervous. I was scared. I was relieved. I was unsure. I was hopefully optimistic.
I climbed the mountain one last time and there he was, the "button".
The Land of Oz was in the rear view mirror and we NEVER looked back.
The ride home was "interesting". It reminded me of a real life grab bag. I was never sure where the conversation was going next. I listened. While I have a million unanswered questions, I am pretty sure that those are the questions you never really want the answers too. I only asked one. The answer was better than I expected.
Instead he talked and talked. What was looking forward to the most? Showering without shoes. That was it, taking a shower without shoes on.
He told me some stories about the fellows he met. He agreed that he should write a book. He is amazed at what he has learned in such a short period of time and also what he lost while learning.
He looked "bigger" to me than ever before. And while he is becoming a "man" he had that look in his eyes when he too is a bit nervous.
He said that he hadn't slept a full night in about 80 nights. Apparently while I was up obsessing and seeing questions on my ceiling, he was seeing questions on his too.
Interesting, the place he "hated" the most was now the place he couldn't wait to return too.
And now we move forward as a family. Last night was family dinner and for the first time since May, there were five plates on the table.
I once returned home after living away and it wasn't easy and that was without the turmoil. There will be a very structured plan for the "button" as he transitions. We are honest and optimistic. And off we go. I am sure there will be Hallmark moments and Jerry Springer moments too. We are just human.
I did eat two chocolate chip cookies yesterday. And yes, they were delicious.
Friday, September 16, 2011
it wasn't supposed to be this way, but...: my pile of leaves
it wasn't supposed to be this way, but...: my pile of leaves: Maybe it is the nip in the air this morning or maybe it is my sweatshirt I am sporting today but I have never been so happy to see a season ...
my pile of leaves
Maybe it is the nip in the air this morning or maybe it is my sweatshirt I am sporting today but I have never been so happy to see a season go bye bye before in my life.
This summer has been consumed by sweaty uncertainty. I have never been so hot in my life and it wasn't always because of menopause. It was those frantic heart palpitations about my life.
Now the leaves look a little dead (and IRENE probably had a lot to do with this) and there is a nip in the air. Resumes are yielding phone calls and there is a touch of routine back in our lives.
The craziness has come with summer and gone with fall.
The windows are open and there is a soft breeze in the house.
I feel hope. I feel optimistic. Leaves are going to fall and rest and start anew in spring. I totally feel like the drama in our home is over, fallen and rest and peaceful fall moments are here.
I am going to compile the biggest pile of leaves and jump in them for hours. Come over and join me.
This summer has been consumed by sweaty uncertainty. I have never been so hot in my life and it wasn't always because of menopause. It was those frantic heart palpitations about my life.
Now the leaves look a little dead (and IRENE probably had a lot to do with this) and there is a nip in the air. Resumes are yielding phone calls and there is a touch of routine back in our lives.
The craziness has come with summer and gone with fall.
The windows are open and there is a soft breeze in the house.
I feel hope. I feel optimistic. Leaves are going to fall and rest and start anew in spring. I totally feel like the drama in our home is over, fallen and rest and peaceful fall moments are here.
I am going to compile the biggest pile of leaves and jump in them for hours. Come over and join me.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
it wasn't supposed to be this way, but...: I hate the game "upset the fruit basket"
it wasn't supposed to be this way, but...: I hate the game "upset the fruit basket": I am a list maker and a list "crosser offer". I have been making lists for years. I even make lists on the weekend. I use the same form, ...
I hate the game "upset the fruit basket"
I am a list maker and a list "crosser offer". I have been making lists for years. I even make lists on the weekend. I use the same form, the same font, the same everything. I have been doing this since High School.
1. Clean upstairs
2. Clean downstairs
3. weed front beds
4. fold laundry/put away
Typically, things appear on the list...mysteriously.
.
5. tell your husband you love him and rub his feet and._________(fill in the blanks)
I love order. I love lists. I love being organized. I love to know that I have 32 more days till a special event. I love day timers.
What I hate are the following:
you get up in the morning and you hear those famous words, "mom,my throat is sore and my ear hurts", or the phone rings and you hear, "Mrs. Mom, this is the principal of the high school and we have you son in here" or the car won't start or the dishwasher goes. I would not be a natural disaster survivor.
When I was little and would get home from school, if my mom was not home, there was usually a napkin on the kitchen table that would say, "at store, be home in a few minutes, eat a snack". If there wasn't a note, look out. I would imagine EVERY horrible scenario I could in ten seconds as to where my mom was and that she wasn't coming home.
On my list there used to be things like,
1. order yearbook
2. order new wrestling shoes
3. check on fasa monies
4. make sure the button calls back recruiting coaches.
Never,ever did I think I would be adding,
1. call attorney
2. send attorney money
3. check on treatment facilities
4. try to find ways to never show my face in public again
Bottom line is this, I like my apple cart never to tip over.
Lately, the apple cart has been stable. "Button" is secure, school is back in session, I have been going on interviews and cleaning and Franklin is still working and still adding deviant things to my list.
But...I am leery. Nervous. Scared. The apple cart is up and secure and I know that it has been to stable too long. Forty days of stability is a record for us.
The "button" could say he has had enough at any moment and leave and run from the Land Of Oz. If he does, I hope he finds the brain the scarecrow is looking for also. Maybe they can search together.
In three more days, it will be 30 days without chocolate. It doesn't matter that it is just three. I still seems like 33 more days. Three days to go so why would I fall off the wagon now? People do it all the time. The "button" is a person.
I sleep with my phone by my bed. I am so afraid that phone will ring in the middle of the night, "Uh, hello, ummm this is so and so and the "button" is missing. He has left the Land of Oz". So scared.
I added something to my list today, it now reads like this....
Things to do this week...
1. wash and wax car inside and out
2. send birthday and get well cards(M,B, J)
3. get guitar string repaired
4. sign a up for hip hop
5. take care of brownie stuff and uniform
6. get C the addresses
7. send 10 resumes
8. be thankful
9. be hopeful
10. breathe
I wish I knew where I could take my apple cart to get aligned.
1. Clean upstairs
2. Clean downstairs
3. weed front beds
4. fold laundry/put away
Typically, things appear on the list...mysteriously.
.
5. tell your husband you love him and rub his feet and._________(fill in the blanks)
I love order. I love lists. I love being organized. I love to know that I have 32 more days till a special event. I love day timers.
What I hate are the following:
you get up in the morning and you hear those famous words, "mom,my throat is sore and my ear hurts", or the phone rings and you hear, "Mrs. Mom, this is the principal of the high school and we have you son in here" or the car won't start or the dishwasher goes. I would not be a natural disaster survivor.
When I was little and would get home from school, if my mom was not home, there was usually a napkin on the kitchen table that would say, "at store, be home in a few minutes, eat a snack". If there wasn't a note, look out. I would imagine EVERY horrible scenario I could in ten seconds as to where my mom was and that she wasn't coming home.
On my list there used to be things like,
1. order yearbook
2. order new wrestling shoes
3. check on fasa monies
4. make sure the button calls back recruiting coaches.
Never,ever did I think I would be adding,
1. call attorney
2. send attorney money
3. check on treatment facilities
4. try to find ways to never show my face in public again
Bottom line is this, I like my apple cart never to tip over.
Lately, the apple cart has been stable. "Button" is secure, school is back in session, I have been going on interviews and cleaning and Franklin is still working and still adding deviant things to my list.
But...I am leery. Nervous. Scared. The apple cart is up and secure and I know that it has been to stable too long. Forty days of stability is a record for us.
The "button" could say he has had enough at any moment and leave and run from the Land Of Oz. If he does, I hope he finds the brain the scarecrow is looking for also. Maybe they can search together.
In three more days, it will be 30 days without chocolate. It doesn't matter that it is just three. I still seems like 33 more days. Three days to go so why would I fall off the wagon now? People do it all the time. The "button" is a person.
I sleep with my phone by my bed. I am so afraid that phone will ring in the middle of the night, "Uh, hello, ummm this is so and so and the "button" is missing. He has left the Land of Oz". So scared.
I added something to my list today, it now reads like this....
Things to do this week...
1. wash and wax car inside and out
2. send birthday and get well cards(M,B, J)
3. get guitar string repaired
4. sign a up for hip hop
5. take care of brownie stuff and uniform
6. get C the addresses
7. send 10 resumes
8. be thankful
9. be hopeful
10. breathe
I wish I knew where I could take my apple cart to get aligned.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
it wasn't supposed to be this way, but...: Mom, your chicken noodle soup STINKS, literally.
it wasn't supposed to be this way, but...: Mom, your chicken noodle soup STINKS, literally.: A few weeks ago, a very nice lady asked me to be a member of a supper club. This supper club is like a cookie exchange. You make six ident...
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