Today's horoscope

I follow my horoscope.  Daily.  Faithfully.  Judge if you want, you would be amazed.

So, here are today's horoscopes in my house.

Aries(me)  Take a risk with the unknown today and don't let your fears keep you from missing out on a potentially wonderful experience.

Taurus ("button")  Take off to the stars today, Taurus, and keep your mind and your heart open to all the possibilities that ca come when you have faith in yourself and the work you do.  Mastery of a skill comes when you have the guts to always take it to the next level.  Consider different areas of your life that require more of that confidence at this time. Implement this courageous attitude.

Leo (Franklin)  This is a good day for you to get out of the dirt and into the air in order to gain, a fresh, new perspective on a situation, Leo.  Don't dwell on things beneath  or behind you.  Keep looking up.  Pick up the phone and call a  close friend you haven't spoken with in a while.  There may be a great deal of catching up to do.  Sometimes we forget the importance of maintaining contact with old buddies.

Wow. Insignificant to most, but not to me, Franklin, or the "button."

Late Tuesday evening, Franklin went to summer camp and brought the "button" home.

This morning, with only 24 pairs of underwear in the "button's"  backpack, Franklin and the "button" left on a big adventure.  The "button" will be attending a therapeutic wilderness program for awhile.

Where?  Let's just say it is time zones with an "S "away and I don't think that the "button" will ride a bike home from this place.  Boarding passes were involved.

Franklin will attend a twelve hour session after the "button" departs for his walk in the wilderness. 

Upon completion, Franklin will have to go back, spend days in the wilderness with him and then bring him on back.  One step at a time for now.

Why did we decided to send him?  Easy.  He is our kid.  He needs help.  We are just parents and we are not trained professionals.  If he needed glasses, we would take him to the eye doctor.  Summer camp is not a place to get well.  It is a place to think about what you need help with and and after 192 days in summer camp in less than one year, there has been plenty of time to think.

Am I optimistic?  If there is HOPE, I always chose Hope.  Always.
Am I scared?  What parent isn't?  But a friend of mine always says,"high expectations, high returns."
And I am excited for both my two favorite guys?  Yes.  The trip to the airport, without glass between the two of them, literally, was a good experience.

On Tuesday evening, the boys were in the kitchen and didn't know I was in the laundry room.  Walker, despite his joy, said to the "button,"  "You will be gone for over BLANK days."

The button replied, "I know." 

Walker then said, "I will wait and have my birthday party when you get back.  We can have ours together and I will tell mom to you get you a gun like mine.  But, you have to quit disappointing me.  You promise and then screw me over.  I love you but stop doing that to me.  If you come back I will even talk mom into taking us to Kabuto's." 

My boys and Kabuto's.  They love that place, I hate it. They love to go there for their birthday's.  I was so happy that I thought I avoided it this year.   The only time I puked when I was pregnant with Walker was there, ugh.

And, it is because of two other people in this home (Walker and Addie)  that Franklin and I handled it the way we have...he is still just a kid who needs to grow up and get the kinks out and he is loved.  We know that as a family, we are better with the "button" in our family than not and there are two people who are counting on us to guide the "button". 

This is my 100th post. 
Thank you for your support and encouragement.  Let's HOPE it doesn't go to 200.  Thank you.

And so, off to the wilderness they go. 

And at night when the "button" is sleeping under the stars, the stars said, "keep you mind open to all the possibilities that come when you have faith in yourself and the work you do."

it wasn't supposed to be this way but...: what are you on?

it wasn't supposed to be this way but...: what are you on?: I am constantly asked, "are you on anything?"  Okay, how bad must you look and act for people to ask you if you are on anything?  I am not...

what are you on?

I am constantly asked, "are you on anything?" 

Okay, how bad must you look and act for people to ask you if you are on anything?  I am not offended when asked this question. 

Yes, I am on something.

Baguettes and desserts.

If I get started talking about something that works me up, I reach for a baguette.  I could eat the whole thing.  No butter, plain.  A whole baguette. 

Then, I crave desserts.  Today I made a key lime pie and I guarded it like a kidney in a cooler going to a transplant recipient.   Ridiculous.

Screw Dr. Oz.  Sugar and wheat makes me feel better.  Drizzle some chocolate over it and we have a winner.  Chocolate makes you feel better and it doesn't hurt anything or anybody.

Sugary carbs have their benefits.  You don't need a prescription, you can get them anywhere, and they can travel with you.  They are legal.  (that's a biggie with me)

Whenever you are down, pop a pretzel in your mouth. 

Think about it, I am addicted to carbs and sugar because I am stressed out because my "button" used "other" things to make him feel better.  It is like wiping your ass with a hula-hoop.  Stressed again...dessert spelled backwards.

So today, I made a promise to myself and to a nice friend of mine.  She was one of the nice girls who asked, "are you on anything?"  We decided that my affection for sugary carbs would get me a finger pricker to test my sugar levels every morning.  My mom has one and that is like a mini-van with wood paneling to me.  Not happening.

So, I am putting it out there, I am revamping my diet.  If you are one of the recipients of new recipes, we are breaking up for awhile.  And to my boyfriends the baguettes, I will miss the smell of your waxy paper and crusty outsides.  But, we will meet again, I am sure.

ps. 
the picture above is the best lemon cake ever...the recipe is simple...
1 box Duncan Hines Lemon supreme cake mix
1 box cook and serve lemon pudding
2/3 cup oil
1 cup water
4 eggs
4 tablespoons of lemon juice

glaze for when it comes out of the oven, powdered sugar and lemon juice.
bake about one hour...at 350 degrees in a bundt pan....you will be addicted too

Happy birthday Walker and Josh Hamilton

People often ask me, "How is Walker doing?"

Walker loves the"button".  Loves him.  Looks up to him, thinks about him, dresses like him, orders a sub like him, washes with his body wash and basically tries to me a mini.

Walker is also the "gentle heart" in our family.  He misses the "button", terribly.

Walker has had a project in school, the Bio cube.  Basically, you pick a famous North Carolinian and write about that person and then present as that person.  Oh, I was soooo getting an A.  Charles Kuralt...stuffing  Walker, making a backdrop where he could sit and present his story, I had it all figured out.

Hmmm....funny thing happened on the way to the Bio Cube.

Walker and I were in the car going somewhere and he asked me, "are you thinking about the "button" right now?"

"Yes".  "Walker do you think that the "button" will get this all worked out?"

"Oh yes, the "button" is the next Josh Hamilton."

"Who is Josh Hamilton?"

Wow, my kid did his homework.  Josh Hamilton is a famous Texas Ranger baseball player, who in 1999, signed for the most money as a first round draft pick.  He was born outside of Raleigh, NC and is one heck of a ball player. Funny thing is, on his path to success, he got involved with the wrong gang, became a drug addict and was suspended for the NBL and became a grounds crew person after several attempts at rehab.  Amazingly, after a few years, he still could throw a ball at 95 mph.  He went before the National Baseball League, pleaded his case and his sobriety.  He was signed to the Texas Rangers and just this week had the most amazing baseball week ever...a bunch of home runs,four to be exact and doubles and RBI's.

Screw Charles Kuralt.  Josh Hamilton is cool and also covered with amazing tattoos.  Josh Hamilton won the place in the Bio-Cube assignment.

What was most amazing was Walker's presentation to his class.  While I wasn't there, a little bird did tell me that he was amazing.  Oh, and not a bit of help from mom.  Just his heart.

All you have to do is mention drugs and alcohol to a bunch of classmates who know your story and you become captivating.

And somebody asked, "did he go to jail?"
Walker explained to the class that jail just doesn't affect that person, it affects the entire family and just because you go to jail does not mean that you are a bad person.

So there, out of the mouths of babes.  Rock on Walker.

Today is Walker's birthday.  Ten.  Ten years old.  And wise beyond his years.  The "button's " birthday is May 9, and Josh Hamilton was born on May 21. 

Honestly, I just don't think that Josh Hamilton knows what kind of an influence he has had on our family.  There is a ten year old who still has hope because of him and a 19 year old who feel like if Josh can do it, so can he.  And if this happens, all three will be rewarded.

Somehow, I think that Charles Kuralt would have loved this story.

it wasn't supposed to be this way but...: the day after mother's day

it wasn't supposed to be this way but...: the day after mother's day: So, today is the "day after Mother's day".  The kids bickered, the dirty towels were on the floor and I "didn't understand that this is NO...

the day after mother's day

So, today is the "day after Mother's day".  The kids bickered, the dirty towels were on the floor and I "didn't understand that this is NOT what they like to eat for lunch" and the hustle and bustle began.

The Day after Mother's Day.  This is the day when mothers should unite and meet for manis and pedis all across the world.  A day of peace.

Yesterday, I had an unusual mother's day.  We ventured out of the small coastal town and drove to the big city.  This was after the breakfast in bed and Hallmark cards and hugs and kisses and the typical Mother's day fanfare. 

We went to see WICKED.  That's right, WICKED.  Yeah for me for making this happen and Yeah for the my husband and son for going with smiles on their faces.

Yes, it was wonderful. 

And during this song, I feel apart.  Not for the reasons that you think.  I feel apart from bliss.

I listened, really listened to the words of this song and I thought about what they meant to me.

Because of all of my children, I have been changed for good.  Without them, the following would never have happened to me.

I never would have held someones hair back while they vomited on my feet...I never would have known the pain of stepping on a Lego in the darkness of night...never would have checked a boy's butt for ticks or a boy for ringworm...never would have pulled a fishhook from a finger...never would have listened to Hot cross Buns played from a recorder with such enthusiasm...never would have watched all six episodes of Dragon Ball Z ...never would have spent tireless hours searching for the perfect flower girl dress and Halloween costume...never would have spent hours planning and executing perfect birthday parties...never would have gone to summer camp...never would know a ton about treatment, recovery and relapse and never would know what it means to have your child hold your hand while you are driving and singing "Hey Soul Sister". 

The reality is, I love being a mom.  And even though this past year has SUCKED with a capital S, it didn't kill me.  

So, I picked up the dirty towels, cleaned the kitchen and made the beds and even reread my cards from yesterday and I started about my day. 

I have been changed, for http://youtu.be/m4BjwTzEZw8

dysfunctional greeting cards

For years, I have asked my friends if they wanted to start a line of dysfunctional greeting cards with me.  I never did it and I have heard that there is such a line now.  I haven't seen them.

Last week, I stood in the Hallmark for hours.  Hours.  Seriously, hours.  It was like that first Valentine's day right after you start dating someone and you have to pick the "perfect" card.  It cannot be too mushy, can't say the "L" word, cannot be too romantic but cannot be too sarcastic.  We have all been there.  This was me, Goldilocks.   Goldilocks looking for the card that was "just right."

Today is the "button's" 19 birthday.  Seriously, there are not cards for those in the corrections facilities.  "Hey, hope you get a cake with a saw in it" or "If somebody does jump out of your cake, hope they have the keys to your cell."  It was brutal. 

Years ago, when I was interviewing for a job, the interview was on a weekend and my birthday.  You cannot go into a job interview saying, "hey, today is my birthday."  I was states away, alone, didn't know a soul and it was before cell phones.  No cake, no candles, no nothing.  I told myself that night in that nasty Comfort Inn that I would always have cake on my b day and if I knew someone who didn't have anyone to celebrate with, I would be the birthday fairy.

Foreshadowing.  Hello.  Hate foreshadowing.  So, today is my son's birthday, regardless of his age, he is alone, no cake, no song, no candles and I cannot imagine anything worse.  A summer camp Birthday. Ugh.

My grandma always said that when company shows up, you wave a little.  When company leaves, you wave your arms off.  That is exactly how I feel about the "button's" 18th year.  Goodbye.

If I could write a line of dysfunctional cards, here is an example.

Hey cousin, nice seeing you at the family reunion.  Best part of the visit,it was nice seeing that Size 0 brides get chunky too.

Seriously, I would love to send one of those.

In the end, I chose Snoopy and Woodstock.  You can never wrong with those two.  It simply said, "it is your birthday.  Celebrate life." 

In the end, even when life is ugly,sad, dark or broken, Celebrate Life.  Isn't that really what it is all about?