the dumbest you ever are is when you are 18

thanks to my dear friend "k" for the above quote.

several people have emailed me private questions. here are the public answers.

1.  did the "button" ever sneak out? 
all the time...especially friday and saturday nights.  three day weekends were especially tough because that meant they could sneak out sunday night as well.

2.  how did you know he was sneaking out? 
well the obvious was he wasn't in bed. other clues... shoes...shoes by all the doors...get away shoes and coming in shoes...usually wet in the morning...and mulch inside the house and in his room.

doors, doors left opened leading into the house...bikes placed around the house so they can make a quick get away.

3.  why haven't you bailed him out?  he is a flight risk and we told him we would only bail him out one time.  he used that mulligan in may.  we weren't kidding.

4.  did you look for "stuff" in his room and where did you find out?  yes, absolutely.  where did i find it, i got down on the floor and looked up...under beds, taped under furniture, in old garment bags, underneath things in boxes and in socks.  between the mattress and box springs and  i looked for slits in box springs.  crawl spaces too.

5.  as a parent, what should i look for?  a random "out of the blue" new friend in your childs' life and a major change in attitude.  looking back, every time, both of those were present, problems followed.   obviously, baggies, lighters and eye drops are not good signs...but the change in attitude is usually a game changer.  fragrance sprays and colognes are warning signs too.

pay attention, get as many phone numbers as you can, kids and parents, check up on the child, DO NOT TRUST SLEEPOVERS!  know the parents, hide your money and hide your car keys at night...hide your money during the day...don't give your child large bills...and write down when you give them the monies.  amazing how much money they need for lousy cafeteria lunches all the sudden when their behavior isn't on the up and up...and when they ask for it, you hand it over during that morning chaos and forget about it. write it down.

if your child starts "running" but doesn't sweat alot, that is an alarm...they run to entrances, get picked up and go off to do whatever.  pretty sure it isn't poetry readings.

hide your medicines and any liquor that you have and notice if your child is spending a ton of time in the woods. alot of activity can happen n the woods.   also pay attention if backpacks are missing.i f the backpack are missing, they are hidden somewhere with "stuff".  if you child has a new obsession with energy drinks, pay attention.  they drink the energy drinks to stay up and out all night.  do not put your child on aderol.  chances are the are snorting it.  huge epidemic with aderol now.  if your child ever wants to enlist or go to rehab, you cannot be on or have been on it.

6.  have you told your other children? absolutely.  you cannot hide facts if someone isn't here.  yes, we have been honest about the situation.  we cannot ask our kids to be honest with us if we are not honest with them.

7.  what if  the "button" is upset about this blog?  hmmm, don't know the answer yet.  obviously, i would never do anything to jeopardize his recovery.

8.  when should i start paying attention to the things above?  typically, i would have said high school.  this spring, several middle schoolers in our neighborhood were involved in sneaking out and stealing for refrigerators and smoking pot.  my new answer, middle school.


franklin and i are amazed at how many kids are stealing cars at night and taking off, with or without their license. just a few days ago, a friend of frankin's...her 13 year daughter left at 2:30am.  she picked up her friend at a convenient store.

9.i think my child is texting but they don't have texting, how can this happen?   even though your child may not have "texting" on their phone, if there is Internet capabilities on the phone, they can text through a facebook app and many times they set up random facebook pages with made up names so you as a parent really don't know who they are speaking with and too.  pay attention to facebook.  also, you can text on an ipod touch.  if your child just happens to get an ipod touch that you didn't pay for, panic.

10. what about when they start driving?   a few years ago, i overheard a teacher saying to another parent that the "junior year is the most important and the most difficult".  kids are driving then and you really do lose control.
it is very important that when they have a ride that they ride show up at your home so you can see who they are what vehicle they drive. 


if they are driving a car, inspect it.  you cannot expect what you don't inspect.  if your child is driving and is always in need of fuses for break lights or headlights, not a good sign.  they don't want to be pulled over.  missing curfews and always asking for extensions is not good.   show up and to see if your child is really where they said they were going.  remember, DON"T TRUST SLEEPOVERS.


and finally,  franklin and i din't know the answers or even the questions.  we learned.  the hard way.  remember, you know it all at 18 but really, the dumbest you will ever be is when you are 18.