FOREVER FI-FI

Last October, the sorority house mother asked my daughter if she would be interested in helping out with an elderly lady, Miss Fahn, who lived alone. Miss Fahn is 97. 

I know that my daughter, without asking many questions, answered, "Oh hell yes!"

That particular moment, Addie's life changed.

All she said to me was, "Mom, I just spend the night and make sure she does not fall.  She is afraid of falling".

Sounded simple enough and my daughter likes a spray tan membership, a Pilates membership and a Rent the Runway membership.  The paycheck from the Pendergrass Library was not cutting the membership fees.

After the first night, I saw on Lifetime 360, Addie driving at 6am.  I wasn't sure it was a bad or a good thing.  "Mom, it was easy, she goes to bed early, before Sean Hannity, and gets up early.  I didn't sleep and it was 90 degrees in the house."

I was amused by this whole arrangement.

As I stalked her movements on Lifetime 360, I noticed the arrival times were earlier, and the nights were more frequent.

And then she started calling after "Fi-Fi" went to bed.  "Fi-Fi" is not her real name. When Addie loves someone, they get a nickname, and they keep that nickname. Period.

I was amused at what she was learning.  No Wi-Fi, no smart TV's, high temperatures and current events.  The channel stayed on one station, Fox News.  To quote my daughter, "I have never been so up on current events".

She learned all about Fi-Fi.  Her first job, her husband Jack, a former Marine who retired and started his own business.  They never had children.  Addie never had the courage to ask why.

All along Miss Fi-Fi said, "I want to die in Jack's chair".  "If I fall, they will (distant family members) will send me to the home.  I am not going to the home."  NO pressure Addie.

And in no time, Addie had her sorority over to put up Christmas trees and decorate the house, Addie would take her for pedicures, listen to stories and bake cakes.  

And so many nights, when college life seemed too much, Addie retreated with Fi-Fi.  And so many a morning, before the sun was even up, I saw my daughter on the move.  Another successful night of not falling.

Sadly, Addie never met one grandmother, and her other grandmother passed before she was twenty. 

I am not sure it became a grandmother/granddaughter relationship, but I like to think that it was.

Addie would swing by the sorority house, grab lunch for Fi-Fi, clean her house, sit with her when "important" people had meetings, met distant family members (even trashed talked them with Fi-Fi after the visit was over). 

Addie would park her truck at Fi-Fi's and leave for the weekend and Fi-Fi learned about UBER drivers and one video Fi-Fi told the driver, "Take care of my best friend".

Addie had to call her and let her know she arrived safely.  Addie had arrived in Baltimore for the big NYC graduation trip.  It was on the train that Addie handed me this card.

Yes, I bawled.  

It never occurred to me that Addie was bringing, life, current day life lessons, sunshine, energy and companionship and something to look forward to. 

And as days till graduation were getting close, my daughter had angst.  "What was going to happen to Fi-Fi?"  

Addie set up interviews and nobody passed the test.  

After classes ended, Addie and Fi-Fi were together all the time.  Multiple trips to Wal-mart and Lowes.  Spring had arrived in Knoxville and Fi-Fi wanted to spruce up the house.

Ferns, plants, you know the springtime drill.

My favorite picture of Fi-Fi is in Addie's truck, sunglasses and all.

I cannot imagine what was talked about in the truck.  A 97-year-old and a 21-year-old.  

And graduation day arrived. The plan was always that we would pick her up and have attend the ceremony with us.  I had a hunch the plan would not go as planned and I was correct.

It was too much.

Instead, we visited with her afterward.  Delightful.  

Addie was going to be in Knoxville for two weeks following graduation.  This meant endless trips to Fi-Fi's taking valuables to her basement.  And visiting. 

Addie shared with me a story that Fi-Fi told her.  Jack always kept his money from the business, stashed up in the seat of his truck.  He didn't trust banks.  One day, his truck was stolen.  It wasn't the truck that he was upset, it was the stash under the seat that set him ablaze.  As it turned out, the truck was recovered.

The first thing Jack did when he went to his truck? You guessed it.  He stuck his hand up under the driver's seat.

When he got home, he said, "Fi-Fi, that was one dumb ass thief, the seat was worth more than the truck".

She would call later in the evening, after Fi-Fi went to bed, and keep us updated.  She laughed so hard at that story.

And she shared that Fi-Fi was going to marry Jack, long before Jack even asked her on a date.  They talked about life, love, experiences and God. 

On our way to Nashville for the Big girl move for the Big Girl job, we had to stop at Fi-Fi's and get the things in the basement and the sofa.  And we said our goodbyes.

It was heart crushing.  Because, I am certain, in that bedroom that day, all three of us knew, we knew things were going to change.

And they did.

Two weeks after Addie left, the big fall happened.

And I will give it to Fi-Fi, she was right.  

Miss Fi-Fi passed away last night.  Not in Jack's chair, but in Jacks's house and Jack's bed.  Close enough. Thirty-two days before she turned 98.

She will never know the absolute gift she became to a 22-year-old woman, my daughter, and to me.

My mom and my grandmother were totally instrumental to me at that age and Addie was able to have Fi-Fi. 

Addie learned the real meaning of friendship and love.  And giving.  Not monetary gifts, but gifts from the heart.  Time. Positive energy and joy.  And the gift of letting someone know they matter.

On the last day of their spring shopping ventures, Fi-Fi saw a little yellow rose bush.  She was going to buy and then decided not.  Some close by shoppers watched this whole thing transpire, and as Addie and Fi-Fi were walking to the truck, they came up and gifted the rose bush to Fi-Fi.

She was delighted.  And even Addie was taken back.  Last Saturday when Addie was there, she said out loud to me, but, not really to me "I wonder how those yellow roses are doing?"

Those were the last flowers and the last gift that she ever received.  And she had not a clue as to who the folks were that gave them to her.  Random acts of kindness matter.  

So, cheers to a life well lived.  Here's to unusual friendships.  And here's to Fi-Fi, forever in our hearts.  

 

Change of address...Ugh

Last Thursday, I moved our daughter from Knoxville, Tennessee to Nashville, Tennesse where she will start her first "big girl" job.

 My husband was a little sad he wasn't asked to participate.  In my words, "she gave you a gift."

I arrived on Thursday. 

 

In her apartment, the same apartment for the last three years, it was sad, "packed up", filled with crates, labeled and organized.  Two of the roommates were gone and Addie, literally had one foot out the door.  Reese was "rotting on the couch".

My daughter was all over the place, sad, happy, excited, nervous and anxious.  I have been there.

As she ran one last errand, I decided to take one last walk around Knoxville and campus.

I needed to walk after the trip.  

I love Knoxville.  I loved her experience at UTK.  I loved the person my daughter had become at UTK.

And again, I was sad.  I was going to miss it.  I hate the color orange, but I love Tennessee orange.  The colors on campus were lovely and there is nothing like a college campus at the end of semester.  Very few people, quiet, clean and neat.  Delightful.

And as much as I loved my walk, I was sad.  I was sad she is leaving Knoxville; I wasn't ready for it to be over. I was not done with Knoxville.  I love UTK.  Why?  This is why she was here...so she could learn and leave.  Ugh.  

Or was it because she leaving and moving further away and really flying on her own?

And sadly, there was nothing I could do.

The three of us went to Cruz's for ice-cream...Addie went to say goodby to some friends, I said goodbye to Reese and went to bed.

Five came quickly.  IT was like Christmas morning.  And my daughter was in rare form, aka, mean and on a mission. 

Our first stop was U-Haul. Charles, who moved like a snail, was our "customer service representative.  He asked Adeline her name, she responded, and he says, "are you sure Out of Line?"

Game on Charles.

My favorite memories will always be Addie running back and forth to her truck, getting the pins and other things that she needed to attach the hitch and trailer and being so organized.  (Actually, the previous owner, Ginger, she was the one organized)

Next stop, her elderly friend, Miss Fawn, where we had to grab her new sofa, etc. and get it into the trailer asap before the thunderstorm came.  We beat it.  But barely. The two of us running with a sofa, into a U-Haul, will never leave my memory.

She arrived at her new humble abode.

I arrived an hour later.

There is nothing like your first place.  Hers is nice but even if it was a rate infested dump, she would have thought it was the Taj Mahal.  She would never forget this place.  Ever. 

We unloaded; she bossed me around.  I did what I wanted to do.  She followed me around to make sure that I was listening. Only one time did I flip her off when she turned around.  Only once.

Guess she had grown up a little since the collegiate drop off four years ago.  She was much better. 

And then, she announced that we need to drive through all parts of Nashville, with a trailer, to pick up a mattress and box springs from two different people, in two different areas on a Friday afternoon.  And we were picking up a mattress from a stranger.  I was appalled, literally appalled and convinced that she would get an STD from the mattress.

In the coolest part of town, we drove up, U-Haul in tow, and meet Hailey.  Adorable Hailey.

She slept on the mattress three times, still had the plastic on it.  She was going to donate it, but she could not carry it herself and she needed to get it out of the apartment before Saturday. 

We carried that puppy, STD free, to the trailer.  

Seriously, who moves three hours away, drags the 64-year-old mother along, has nowhere to sleep, and makes it happen for $75 and with zero diseases?

As it turned out, Addie furnished her whole room for $425 off Facebook Marketplace and $150 for a cowhide rug.  Unreal.  Years ago, I took her to a Thrift Store for a Halloween Costume, and she had a meltdown.  She was horrified that someone else had worn these clothes.  Never did I expect for her to furnish her room from Facebook Marketplace.  

A funny sidenote, my friends worked at the Thrift store and gave me two sweatshirts from there.  One Steelers, one UTK.  Never told her where they came from and that Steelers sweatshirts is one of her favorites.  

After the obligatory mom trip to Ross's and Walmart, I simply said, "it is 7pm (and Nashville is an hour behind), we have not eaten all day, and I need a shower, a burger and a cocktail."

We went out for her first night out, in her new city.  We sat at the bar and a fellow came up to us and said, "It is so nice to see a young girl hanging out with her mom".

It was only because I could drive the U-Haul.

It was a quick first night out for both of us.

Saturday morning came quickly.  Why do you always sleep so fast when you are tired?

A great breakfast, a nap and a trip to drop off our friend the U-Haul. It was a little sad.

And then, I had to say goodbye to my daughter. So hard.   She has no idea that I drove for about two miles and then I had to pull over, bawl my eyes out and get my shit together.  

I wanted a new place to live; I wanted new bed linens and a new beginning.  I wanted a do over.  A do over on life.  I wanted zero creases on my face and eyes, I wanted new friends to live with, and new experiences and I wanted to be as fat as I thought I was at 23 and wanted the new experiences and excitement.  I wanted to do with her.  And watch.  And share her successes and lift her up when her days are awful. I wanted that whole Mary Tyler Moore show for her, and I wanted to be there with her. Rhoda. 

But she forwarded her address, and it is in a totally different state than mine.

I got my act together and continued and started home.

As I passed Knoxville, I saw the U-Haul where the journey started. I started laughing.

And she called me a few times.  That made me feel better.  

Her address is different...but she still lives in my heart.  

I will see her less, we will see her less because that was the plan.  Love them, teach them, encourage them, give them tools, stand aside and let them succeed.  

And it rips your heart out. It is so hard.  Easy to say, hard to do. 

I just did not see that posted on the change of address form.