it wasn't supposed to be this way but...: Make new friends, but keep the old?

it wasn't supposed to be this way but...: Make new friends, but keep the old?:   I was a Brownie and a Girl Scout.  "Make new friends, but keep the old, some are silver and the others gold" was a campfire anth...

Make new friends, but keep the old?

 

I was a Brownie and a Girl Scout.  "Make new friends, but keep the old, some are silver and the others gold" was a campfire anthem.  It was the first time I sang a song in "the round".  Hours and hours of singing.

Ironically, some of those girls I sang that very song with, I still consider friends.  

Over the years, through moves, college, jobs, streets, neighborhoods or common interests, I have made some friends.  Quality women.  Some tarnished, for one reason or another. And others have remained near and dear to my heart.  Some I see or speak with regularly.  Some not so much.

Years ago, my brother made the statement, "I just need enough friends to fit into a phone booth."

I was appalled.  

As I age, I get it.  

My friend circle gets smaller almost daily.  My tolerance for drama is smaller.  My desire to stay home and hibernate, larger.  And that is not a result of covid.

A few weeks ago, my dear friend from a job in radio came for her annual beach visit.  All of my life, I have either worked in radio or television.  It is not that I worked for companies with thousands of employees, it is just that thousands of employees pass through the doors over the course of years.  

Luckily, several of the coworkers turned into very dear friends over the years.  Whenever ever one wants to meet, I jump at the chance.

Back on topic...we sat on the beach, and she talked about her childhood friend from down the street since she was four years old.  Always a "bestie" the friendship has changed significantly over the years.  It has tarnished.  The friend is not silver or gold.  She is rusty.  The question my friend asked me, "keep her or toss her?"

I have been there myself.  The friend that was "like an old pair of jeans" is now tossed to the back of the friend closet.  The relationship no longer fits, for either of us.  But there remains this feeling of having to care, do the right thing and a heart tug.  The reality is, there is nothing left, the jeans are no longer comfortable, and I need to get rid of them. 

The joy of friendship is always when you haven't seen that friend for a while, and it takes a second to pick up where you left off.  Truly, that is the best feeling.  And a treasure.   I just experienced gift this week. A couple that I hadn't seen in years, spent three days with us, a blast. No awkward pauses.  We picked up where we left off. Fabulous time.

But, kid's activities end, jobs change, you move and a Facebook "like" or a grocery store aisle chat is all you have left of the friendship.  It happens, it is sad, but it happens. 

It is always interesting that sometimes there are expectations and rules that come with friendships.  The expectation that you will be invited to everything, always be first and the most important are just a few.  I have been burned but also have been guilty of having similar expectations.  There was hurt involved but the hurt was my fuel to get of the relationship and find some better friends.  I was the winner.

As the kids have grown and moved on, I have more time to socialize but now more than ever, I find myself being more selective on who I spend that spare time with.  And I have found I am not alone with this.  Several of my friends who are in the same boat.  It is nothing personal, I am just in a different place.  And my family has become more and more important. I feel like Taylor Swift, "I'm the problem, it's me."

They old saying, "you can pick your friends, but you cannot pick your family" has always cracked me up.  Wonder what life would be like if you could pick your family? Crazy.

Friendship and friendships have always been important to me...I have often wondered if it is because I didn't have a sister.  I have a fabulous sibling that I treasure but I would have loved a sister.  He's a good substitute sister.  And I have been blessed with fabulous friendships that I will always cherish.  

My friend who asked me what to do about her childhood friend?  I told her to take those old jeans to Goodwill.  

"Some are silver and the others gold but occasionally, one tarnishes, and you need to sing around the campfire with better folks".

 

A very different Mother's Day

It is fast approaching.  Mother's Day.  Cold breakfast in bed, while people watch you eat, Sunday Brunches, cards and good behavior for about two hours.  Mother's Day.

I am not being sarcastic or even cynical, I love a reason to celebrate.  Always.  

But, Mother's Day is very different for me this year.

• I do not have a mom to call or send a card to this year.  No mom.

Or a Grand-mother or a Great-grandmother.  There was a time when this day meant celebrating four generations of fiercely independent, "mouthy" women who were all moms and from the same gene pool.  

I loved it.

I can remember shopping for Mother's Day cards for all three generations plus my Aunt Judy, my mom's sister.

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