Fast forward to Christmas 2017. I could be an elf.
One of my very favorite things about Christmas is the music. Karen Carpenter Christmas CD overload, BAND AID belting out "Do they know it's Christmas time at all?" and a little Josh Groban singing that Polar Express tune. Love Christmas music.
It was early one morning on the way to school and "Jingle Bell Rock" was playing. Walker's first two favorite songs were "Jingle Bell Rock" and "Delta Dawn" so he was singing away.
And no, they don't give me a hard time about the Christmas music. I would kick them out of the car if they did.
During this morning, I tried to convince them to forget about gifts and instead go somewhere. No, they wanted no part of it. "We were away last year, we want to stay home and we want gifts."
And then they asked, "Mom, did you ever have a Christmas where you didn't get what you wanted?"
"Hmmm. Sure, I asked for world peace, the Kardashians to go away, Santa didn't deliver on being tall and thin and I never got perfect teeth. My dream boy, Tim Russert died and Sting was married to a model. Sure, I guess,no, not really. I don't remember not getting something I wanted."
To which I quickly replied, "I never got the Lifesaver book at the Christmas Grab Bag Party."
They were rolling. "What are you talking about? Seriously mom?"
They got out of the car and I told them I would tell them later. I never got the Lifesaver Book.
And when they asked about it later, I was a bit melancholy describing the Lifesaver Book.It was a different time then. Rudolph came on once a year. It was the second biggest TV night of the year, tied with the Wizard of Oz. You got a bath, put on your jammies and sat in front of the television with real hot chocolate and watched on a television where you changed the channels yourself. It was also one of the two nights where you were allowed to drink outside of the kitchen. It was a huge deal to stay up past bedtime to watch Rudolph.
There wasn't a Santa at every corner. There was one and talking to him was a monumental occasion. You dressed for Santa.
We didn't go into Horne's or We traveled to downtown Pittsburgh, the Monday after Thanksgiving. We never had school because it was the first day of deer season. We dressed up. We would go to three stores, Horne's, Gimbles and Kaufman's. In that order., we just went to see the windows. I am still a sucker this day for window shopping and mentally judging from the streets, "best windows".
Then we would venture over to Kaufman's. Ahhh Kaufman's. Just saying that name gives my heart a warm glow. KDKA would be broadcasting live from one of the windows for Children's Hospital and we would go by and drop our money in the bucket. I can still sing the Farkleberry Tart song, "start your heart, eat a farkeberry tart, and tear the world apart, Farkleberry, Farkleberry. It was real life stardom seeing those radio guys in action. Maybe that is where my love for radio came from? We stood in that line proud to put our coins in the bucket with the hopes they would put us on the radio.
And then we went inside. Chandeliers, wreaths, garland, perfection. I can still see it. We would always go to Kaufman's for lunch. There was a paper menu on the table, each seat, with Rudolph's face. There was a menu item for each reindeer. I only ever ordered the Comet. I have no idea what it was, who cares, I was eating in honor of Comet.After lunch, we ventured to the third or fourth floor. I must add, as we got older, if the girls were good (my cousins and I) we were allowed to stop on the floor where the wedding gowns were and take a peak. I remember stopping and staring. They were always lovely. There will never be a department store like Kaufman's in downtown Pittsburgh.
Anyway, we would get to the Santa floor and there were magical amusements, soft glowing lights, Christmas music playing and it truly was a Christmas magic land. After a few rides, we would stand in line to see Santa. The Santas at Kaufman's were amazing. They were always so patient and kind and there wasn't a three second seating. If you were engaged in a Santa conversation, you were allowed to speak. It wasn't like the Academy Awards were music came up when your time had expired.
And when you were done, my mom would ask, "what three things did you ask Santa for?"
Like she didn't know. That Sears catalog came in September and we had those pages dog eared and things circled four hours after its arrival. I can so remember looking in that book being so appalled that they had wasted so much paper on the towels and sheets section. Who cared, get to the toys!
And then we went home with our presents.
No trips to the mall every week, nothing, that was it. Our big annual Christmas trip to see Santa, eat the Comet and shop. Christmas magic in one day.
And then you waited. We had a tree, real and ceramic, stockings, and a ceramic Santa for decoration. Period. My dad hung lights outside and we were really hip because my grandfather made out of wood and hand painted a giant Christmas card that read, "Merry Christmas from the Bahneman's".
I could always tell when the annual "baking" day was close. My mom would gather her favorite Tupperware pieces, there would be jimmies, cookie cutters and apricot filling on the dining room table. My mom, my aunt Judy and mamaw took alternated houses. When we came home from school, there would be leftover jimmies and cookies everywhere. We were always allowed to pick two. Todd always picked the peanut butter Hershey kiss cookies and I always picked the apricot filled cookies.
Christmas Eve Day was the big day, either at my Aunt Judy's or our house. Gifts were carried into the house and it started. Youngest to the oldest, my cousin Janet and Great Grandma Emma opened and then closed the gift giving portion of the day. Home cooked meal, church and then home to go to bed for Santa's arrival.
I can remember looking out my frosted window at the star in White Valley like it was yesterday. I was convinced I could see Santa around that star. Looking out that window at "my star" was one of the coolest things ever to me.
Christmas morning was a blur. The most important part of the day was deciding what new toy to take to Mamaw's for Christmas dinner.
Off we went to Mamaw's. We ate in the basement and sat on metal folding chairs. Every time somebody went up those stairs, they creaked. I would give anything to hear those stairs creak again. My mamaw always put yellow food coloring in her stuffing to make sure it looked good next to the stuffing. It was such a great day.
We only had one party, and it was at school, in our classroom. Mom's were allowed to bring in homemade cupcakes, or whatever. This was the only time of the year it happened. Your teacher would bring in a record player or radio and you were allowed to play Christmas music and get out of your seat and have fun. We would play games and then it was time, the grab bag section. Everyone would bring in a wrapped gift and you would draw numbers whatever, to select your gift. Every year I wanted the Lifesaver Book, every year. I was never allowed to bring it because my mom said "everyone brings those". No joke mom, cause they were awesome, that's why. I was so frustrated she would never get those. I mean, who didn't want a Lifesaver Book.
Never, never did I get it.
In the fifth grade, Scott S brought it in. I knew the dimensions of those books. (My brother and I are the best gift guessers ever and I knew it was the Lifesaver Book, knew it). The first were laid out on a table right by my desk, and I stalked it.
Miss D put numbers put numbers in the hat and we drew. Number 9. I was number 9. I only had 8 in front of me. I had a shot.
We get to number 8 and Cheryl D goes to the table. She himmed and she hawed and she picked up the Lifesaver Book! Are you flipping kidding me? So close but so far.
Could not believe it! Ugh.
Cheryl D was my "first friend" outside family members. She lived across the street from me growing up. We attended one another's birthday parties (both April babies) and went to kindergarten together. I couldn't be mad. The best picker won.
When I got home, my mom asked, "what did you get?"
"Colored pencils and colored chalk." I can remember my brother saying, "Dumb gift, what boy wants colored chalk?"
And of course, I told her I was one away from the coveted Lifesaver Book.
She didn't respond. And she never picked the Lifesaver Book to give as a grab bag.
My kids looked at me like I was from a third world country. They had no idea what the Sears Catalog was and they were hung up by the Comet (rhymes with vomit) menu choice.
"No decorations?""Not really." I mean if you have a tree, really, what else do you need?
Two nights ago, as I was wrapping up my wrapping, as I placed a gift under the tree, I noticed a brown package. I didn't put anything like this under the tree so I was a bit perplexed. I pulled it out, large, thin, (surely a 2018 calendar) and it was addressed to me.
I glanced at the return address. Cheryl D. Cheryl D sent me a present. I opened it and I knew it was a calendar. It was. But it was a sea turtle calendar. My heart melted. I am so being a member of the turtle watch team when I retire and she remembered.
She snagged my Lifesaver book. Instead she gave me lifelong friendship in return.
Maybe Christmas Joy isn't really about Christmas? Maybe it is about love all year long? Maybe Christmas Joy is about thinking of others and letting them know? Maybe Christmas Joy is about lifting others up when you are pretty sure they need lifting? And maybe Christmas Joy isn't really about Joy, maybe it is about having your heart nudged so remember what the meaning of life is all about?
Yesterday, I called my niece. She was struggling with, "I feel like a bad mom, I don't have my act together this year and omg, I could ruin their childhood over this one Christmas when we don't bake cookies".
I called her because that was me last year. I was JOYLESS. And nobody noticed. They didn't remember we didn't bake, they didn't remember I was Joyless. My kids just remembered they were loved.
Everything we do anymore has become supersized. Over the top. It is like sickening sweet icing on good cake. The cake is great without the icing, in fact better without the icing, but we feel the need to keep adding icing. We don't need all the icing. One more string of lights doesn't make Christmas better. Matching Christmas morning pj's doesn't change the meaning of Christmas and special wrapping means nothing in the scheme of life.
Christmas, Hanuka, Kwanzaa, it is all about love. Loving your God, loving one another and reaching out to those who could use a little extra love now and then.
So go forth and be loved and give love. Merry Christmas.
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