The Skinny Girl

It could have been me.  It could have been so many of the young girls I know or my nieces or my neighbors.  It could have been one of  the girls from dance, cheerleading, youth group or a friend of Walker's.  It could have been anyone of those young girls.

During Boy Scouts last night, I got the "on your way home stop at Walgreens and get..." text.  So that I did.

I followed a young, skinny and I do mean skinny girl into the Walgreens.  Funny, we both headed the same direction.

We got to the same aisle, she went to the other end.  I heard her texting and it didn't even make me look up.  I swung by for some PowerAde and then to the counter I went.

Strangely, she was already there.  She looked up and said, "Go ahead."  And her voice was shaking.

I put my $12.13 items down and paid.  As I went to retrieve my bag, there it was on the counter, the EPT test.  It was slightly hidden under the bag of Gummi Bears.  It was like she was trying to hide them and so she picked up the off brand of Gummi Bears.

She paid with a bill and lots of change.  She was shaking. 
Skinny.  Very skinny. 

I got into my truck to answer another text from home and when I looked up, she was parked beside me, slumped over the steering wheel sobbing.  Sobbing. 

My heart bled for her.  I wanted to get out of my car and go over there and hug her and tell her it was going to be OK. 

I didn't.  I wanted to but I didn't.  I also wanted to text her mom and tell her to hug her daughter.  But I didn't know her.  I don't know her mom or her story.  I just saw her fear. 

Years ago, a fellow that I worked with and his wife announced they were having a baby.  I asked him if he was excited and he said, "in my younger days I prayed the test was negative, so when it was okay to get a positive test, I didn't know how to respond."

I laughed and have never forgotten what he said.

Franklin says that you should call the EPT test, the "Oh shit" test.  No matter what you want the result to be, it is overwhelming.  You say "Oh shit."  His sticks would fly off the shelves because everyone would remember the name.

I thought about how skinny she was and how it would be incredibly difficult for her to hide a pregnancy.  She would no doubt look like a tree with a knot in it.

Over the past week, my friend had her first grandchild.  She is still somewhere up in the clouds, we haven't seen her yet.  No doubt her smile will arrive minutes before her body does.  My niece (from the first husband) had her third baby after months and months of being sick and my "spiritual leader's popped out a ten pounder with no drugs.  She too looked like a tree with a knot in it.  Nothing but giant smiles in the photos, signs of fear or regret, just enormous smiles. 

When I discovered I was pregnant, on THE 9/11, at 41 years old, I shook my head.  I didn't slump over the wheel of a car and sob, but I did say, "oh shit."  I was overwhelmed.  Aren't we all?  Isn't that why you have a ten month gestation period, just to get ready?  Just to try and process it all?

A few months ago, my sweet friend had her first grandchild.  My friend's daughter posted a few days after delivering, "Meet the best thing I have ever done."  I have thought about that line so many times.  When I was on the fence about birthing a child, my sister-in-law said to me, every woman who can, should.  And there is NEVER a perfect time.  How accurate.

When I got up this morning, like most people, I immediately went and did the "morning pee."  I thought of that skinny, young girl.  While I know nothing more about her, I am pretty sure I know what she wants the results to be and I hope she gets the results she wants.

And if she doesn't, I am sure I speak for any parent.  There are a million, "am I doing the right thing", "oh shit, what do we do now", "I don't know what to do", "is this my payback", "will it ever end", "it could always be worse" and "don't tell your mother" moments. 

But there  are 10 million moments of laughter and pride.  There are moments of "what would I do without him or her?"  And equally as many, "my life would be so dull and boring without my children." I truly think that you really learn about love through children, but that is just me.

So sweet, skinny, young girl, whatever the stick said, your mother was just as scared and overwhelmed as your no doubt are this morning.  And all that fear turned to love. 

Oh shit, I forgot I had biscuits in the oven.