I did not purchase the glasses. I looked directly at the sun, just like you were told not to do. I had to do it. I had to look. And then I grabbed the ski goggles. It was amazing.
Later that evening, on the news, they interviewed folks and asked them if they knew the "true definition of eclipse." I looked it up myself. It was the third definition that just kind of got to me. "the partial or complete interception of the light of one component of a binary star by the other."
Yep, that has been my life lately.
A few days ago, I attended a funeral. Not just any funeral but the "slap in the face funeral." You know the kind. You sit in the pew and wonder if anyone could ever stand there and say such powerful things about your strength and wisdom and love. The kind of slap in the face where you listen about how one person can rise above the greatest loss imaginable, continue to give love and commitment, with a fashion flair, and later lose their eye sight. And still, the message is all about strength and love.
After the funeral, I attended the luncheon. As I stood at the high top table, with a cocktail, I was engaged in conversations about the media world. Real life Mad Men. Beside my was "the Geek", a gentleman I really started my career with so many years ago. We both were ambitious and a little intense. We both had career goals and dreams. And now, at this high top, we were talking about retirement. Retirement. It was yesterday that we sat at the high top bar at Catellano's after our huge Pig Balloon burst in the Holiday Parade.
It was yesterday. We were all single, drove sports cars, fabulous clothes and we were on fire. The radio industry was hot and we were sizzling.
I left the next morning, early. I called my friend to tell her I had seen "the Geek" and she asked, "how did he look?"
"Old. But he was very nice to me."
"Bet he thought you looked old too." I have such great friends.
I mentally recapped the weekend, the eulogy, the flowers and how I wished I had one of those lamp chops about now, the new friends I made and the life stories I heard. And I thought about strength and rising above your biggest loses and fashion. I wish I was one of those people who could put on a burlap sack and look great. Burlap is too itchy though.
So during this drive, I mentally went through the calendar for the next few very busy weeks. School is starting, haircuts, notebooks, shoes, clothes, the whole list. Mentally I planned shopping days and my calendar. Darn, I almost forgot I needed a wedding gift
A wedding gift. I used to baby sit for this little girl, Chris. Now her daughter is getting married. I remember the one day I babysat, we baked a cake and put canned mandarin oranges on it. Yesterday, remember it like it was yesterday.
And now my friend's daughter was getting married. It took me back to the high top table with the "Geek". This new bride will write her thank you notes and the next thing she will know, she will be 56 and not know where her life went.
Sunday was Franklin's birthday. He didn't say anything but it wasn't the best one he ever had. All of us were working. Nobody knew when any of us were getting home, I didn't even get a Hallmark, I settled for a Piggly Wiggle card with the cellophane wrapper and the cheese cake assortment. Not my best birthday presentation. I asked Franklin if he felt older and he said "no, worn out." I could relate. He said "thank you" for everything but I did feel like it was truly "just another day". Life got in the way of the celebration. Kind of like a jumbo shrimp. We wanted our kids to work and earn monies, just not on our birthday's
This morning, Addie had a babysitting job. Not just any babysitting job. She was babysitting the girl of "Holwee" her first official babysitter. She was so excited. I went out to the car to see the little angels and when I told them that their mamma used to babysit Addie, they said "no, she never was a kid." Just yesterday, my kids were screaming to have Holwee come and give them chicken nuggets.
Later in the evening, for the first time in days, both of my kids ended up at the kitchen table together. One eating dinner, one dessert. Tomorrow there is a football game. One playing, one cheering.
And, it is also freshman orientation.
"Walker, just afraid I will get lost. And, I am afraid I won't have friends and the older kids will thing I am cringy."
Ok, gone were the days of "if you feel something in your shoe at recess, don't panic. It isn't a meteor, it is just mulch. The chicken sandwiches are the best. Know your lunch number or the one lunch lady gets really mad. Slide the tray, slide it. Keep your cubbie clean and Miss Judy doesn't like it when you walk to the bus, run."
Now we were in the big leagues.
"Addie, mom is right. They have never found any bones in the building so everybody gets lost but everybody finds their way. Don't panic. Don't be loud and all giggly like the other girls. Be nice. Just be yourself. But don't be loud. Be yourself. And don't worry about everyone else and don't get in people's business. And don't cause drama. Don't be loud."
And there you have it, the ingredients for high school success. Don't be loud, be yourself, be nice and don't be nosey and don't care what others think".
During the eclipse, I saw my two neighbor friends on their back porch with their glasses on, looking up at the sun. Would they be here, in 24 years for the next big eclipse? Would I? Would Franklin? Where would we live? Where would my kids be? Where did my life go? My goals? I wanted to own a radio station? Now I cannot even listen to commercial radio. I hadn't lost my baby weight yet and felt like I never accomplished what I thought I would. The eclipse and the miracle of it and the desire to see another just screwed with my head, not my eyes.
Twenty four years has zipped by, zipped. It was just yesterday that I was standing there at a high top bar celebrating the beginning of my career. Now I get AARP in the mail and think about retirement. My daughter is babysitting her first babysitter's kids, our life was too busy to celebrate a birthday, I am attending the wedding and the Mother of the Bride is a girl I used to babysit and wrapping all of this up has been the eulogy my friend gave his mother.
Knowing fashion and style is out, would my kids take love and strength from me? Would I have strength? Would I have my vision (keeping in mind I look at the sun without protective eye wear during an eclipse) and would I know my children? Would I know my husband?
I thought about this tonight folding laundry, towels.
In walks my daughter, bouncing in from cheer practice.
"How was it?"
"Good. What's for dinner? Is that what I smell? Hey mom, I am not nervous about being a freshman anymore."
"Good, why?"
"Cause it is a short time in my life. When the next eclipse comes I will be 38. I won't even remember or care about all this stuff anyway.
Mom, do you think you will be here for the next big one cause you will be like 80? 80 mom, you will be 80! (I was scowling) Mom, how cool will that be! Do you ever wonder what you will be like when you are 80?"
"YES! ALL THE TIME!"
"Mom, don't worry about it....just be yourself. And have fun doing it. Just have fun mom, don't let stuff dull your shine or dim your light, let your love shine."
"What if I can't see..?"
"Oh, so now you worry about it."
"What if I don't know you?"
"Well I will know you so what is there to worry about? You will be wearing your NIKE shorts and a t shirt with those goofy glasses, laughing. It will be fun mom."
That was my total eclipse of the heart.
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