This past Saturday was the dance studio's big dance recital. Dancers of all ages, sizes, shapes and costumes would gather to dance their hearts out. Moms and Dads, grandparents and siblings would sit in front rows, flowers in hand, phones in the other videoing or taking pictures of the performances.
After each recital, parents and dancers would pose outside for more pictures. Truly, a monumental occasion.
Months of practicing and months of preparation were all leading up to the opening number.
Let me just add, I am not a dance mom. I don't go back stage. I don't hire a hairstylist or makeup artist. I don't meet with the teachers. I let my daughter do her thing. I get her to practice, along with some other carpooling moms and I celebrate my daughter.
Last Saturday, I dropped my mom and my sister-in-law off at the front, I drove around back to get a parking spot. When I got out of the car, I saw a fellow that I have been acquainted with for years. Typically, our interactions took place at wrestling tournaments or baseball games and the occasional chat at the concession stand. He greeted me and asked, "what brings you here today?"
"My daughter is a dancer."
"Really, you don't look like a dance mom (now you understand why I inserted the paragraph above) and I didn't realize you had a daughter."
"Yes, I have a daughter who dances." (I am not really sure what he meant about being a dance mom but I am sure it something to do with the fact that I am usually sporting a WVU or STEELER sweatshirt and not a tutu.)
"Well, one recital isn't too bad"
"Actually she is dancing in all three"
"Really, all THREE? What does she dance?"
" Hip hop, tap, jazz, ballet and pointe".
"Wow, that is a ton...you know, she will never get anything from all of this."
Now, typically, my first instinct would be throw some Yankee-Pittsburgh smack at this dude but instead I just tilted me head and looked at him and said, "Have a great time getting culture. Nice to see you."
I watched the other two recitals and was amazed and the smiles beaming from the dancer's faces, including my own daughter.
And long after the finale, we basked in the after glow.
I tucked that statement in my vault. "she will never get anything from all of this." And I just could not let it go.
Sunday morning I was up and on my back porch at 5:30am. I could not wait to get a blanket, a cup of coffee and look at pictures and see all of the pictures and the videos that others had posted.
And while I sat there at dawn, again, his words came back to me.
And finally, so did my response.
Damn, I wish I could have said the following to him.
"Really, I am surprised that you would say or think that she would never get anything out of this because she has gotten something out of it already."
"This is the "anything" that my daughter has gotten from dance.
1. She has five classes per week. Plus cheerleading, plus track (spring only) plus youth group. She has to be organized. She has to look ahead at her schedule and say I need to get this done tonight because I will not have time on Thursday night. She needs to pack her gear, pay attention to dates and times and have the weekly itinerary in her head. She needs to be organized.2. It takes courage to stand on a stage and tap dance. She has gained courage and she manages to be courageous with a contagious smile on her face. When she falls, she is poised, when she lands a jump, she is poised. Being poised and courageous at the same time is an art. Some of us never master this art and some cannot perform these simultaneously. When you are four and five, there are not many things for you to try. Dance can be that starting point. When you have the courage and the poise, you can play softball, volleyball, basketball, debate team, color guard, the list is endless but for so many young people it starts with a "Little Red Riding Hood" tap routine on a Saturday afternoon.
3. Intelligence. You have to be intelligent to remember 20 cheers, chants and routines, five different dances and remember what you were taught in class and then be tested. You have to know your stuff.
4. Dance is not for pansies. You have to have stamina. My daughter has abs of steel (something I have longed for) all because of dance, horseback and track.
5. Adeline has a group of friends that have seen her fall, undress in a hallway for next routine, helped her fix twisted bra straps, encouraged her, made constructive suggestions and she has done the same for them. She is learning the art of coaching and being coached. Learning to be coached and accepting constructive criticism can make or break you in the professional world.
6. Dancing is also a TEAM sport. Do you not get that these girls are a team? They help with the younger girls and cheer the older girls on. They embrace one another in a "sibling love" kind of way. You have to learn to work together and accept that the better dancers are often in the front. You learn to aspire to be in the front row. You learn to pay your dues. You learn that practicing as a team and working as a team pays off.
7. In life, you typically have different bosses and they all have different ways of doing things. My mom folded towels one way and my husband folds them another way...both correct. When you have different coaches, dance teachers, horseback riding teachers, whomever....you learn. When you learn, you grow. When you Grow you become fabulous.
8. Culture. Theatre. Acts. Music storytelling. Theatre behavior and theatre dress. All of these are part of the word culture. I love the theatre, I love musicals. I love telling stories in song. Story telling is as old as human civilization. It is a good thing to be exposed to and to learn from. You will never walk away from any musical performance without having learned.
9. Every person should belong to something, anything that helps fuel their passion. It is a wonderful thing for your soul to belong to a wonderful thing that fuels your passion.
10. Mister Jerk, my daughter will most likely never be on Broadway and she most likely will never be an equestrian Olympic star or a track and field Olympic contestant, she will, however have built her self esteem. But for one afternoon, she was a Broadway star. And she did all of that, herself. It wasn't bought, supplied or ordered on line...she did it. She went to the practices, juggled her schedule, did her schoolwork, learned her routines and then performed. She did it. Her success or her failure was hers to own. She aimed for it and she accomplished it. She was proud. She was happy. She learned the value of working hard to achieve a goal.
Later that Sunday afternoon, I attended the dedication for the Butterfly Memorial Garden for the little dancing angel. I don't know what I expected on a Sunday afternoon but the number of people who came out to show all of their support was amazing. And there, tucked in the crowd at the dance studio lawn were dancers. Older Dancers, past babysitting dancers, teenage dancers and young dancers, dance teachers and dance studio owners all there to celebrate the dancing angel.
As I watched the young lady play her ukulele and sing "Somewhere over the Rainbow", I let my tears flow. And I said a silent "thank you" for every dance, every bun, every hair net, every costume, every jump, every spin, every note, every count, every giggle and every smile that our angel dancer had ever experienced. And I said a silent thank you for the sisterhood of dancers who were standing around me and all of the fabulous moments my daughter has had because dance.
I think I became a "dance mom" at that particular moment.
And so Mister, you are correct....my daughter will never get ANYTHING from all of this...."she has already gotten SOMETHING bigger than you and I will ever know.
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