Tales from the elderly

I love the old stories from the elderly.  As kids, we would sit around the kitchen table and my great grandma Emma would tell stories about growing up with all of her sisters.

My favorite story that she told me 100 times was this...

It was getting dark early and because they didn't have electricity, the eight girls went to bed.  The bed linens were duvets stuffed with hay.  They were not tired.  I was probably around 7pm so they decided to have a circus with each sister performing one act.  When it came to my great grandma Emma, she decided to take a lit candle and shove it up her butt to see how  long she could dance with the lit candle up her butt.  Well, it sounded good on paper.  The candle fell out and lit the curtains on fire.  You can only guess the amount of trouble she was in after the circus.

I love those stories.  I love talk radio too.

The other day, I discovered a local am radio station discussing the election.

An elderly gentlemen called in and he immediately got every one's attention.  He was 82 and spry.  Here were his comments on the election.

"Hello, welcome to the show.  You said you know why Romney lost.  Go for it..."

"Thank you for taking my call.  Romney lost because we don't raise our children with respect, pride or grace anymore.  He did.  But he doesn't understand that most don't."

And then, and I am summarizing, he spoke, in his 82 year old voice with poise and conviction.  H spoke about pride, respect and grace.  Here is some of what he said.

He said that when he married his wife, he loved her. 
They were too young too get married but that is what you did.  You got married.  And shortly after they were married the first child came.  Naturally, everything changed.  Then came another, and so on.  There were five boys.  And the gentlemen worked.  And the wife raised the kids.  Over time, he didn't know  his wife.  They didn't speak about them, they spoke about the children.  There were not couple weekends, or date nights  of girl's  nights out...it was just him, the five boys and his wife. 

Of course over the years, there were highs and lows.  The gentlemen knew they were broke when there was oatmeal with no milk, lots of potatoes and cabbage for dinner and then leftover cabage  for breakfast and the boys taped the soles of their shoes.  His wife never complained.  The boys always looked immaculate.  So did his wife.

Church was mandatory on Sunday, followed by a visit to the in-laws or parents on Sundays.  The boys stayed outside and played and carried a change of clothes with them.  The boys did the dishes after the meals,without being asked, so the women could talk, they didn't interrupt, they worked after the meal.

His wife never washed a dish after a meal, never took the trash out, never made the beds after a certain age.  For birthdays, they got homemade cakes, their favorite meals and  always a special treat in their lunch bag.  When they got older, a huge treat was a new baseball glove, not a hand me down glove.  It was the only  real new thing the boys ever got and she made me take them to purchase it.

The boys adored their mother.  She was there for them everyday after school, when they were sick and when they needed her.  She wasn't there for me emotionally, she was there for them and that was enough.  At Christmas, I don't know  how she did it, but she always put on the big Christmas.  Years ago, I learned that she took any change that she ever got and hid it in a jar.  She used that money for Christmas.  I never knew then.  Her extra work made Christmas magical.  All of us got a new pair of pajamas on Christmas eve, the only package you were allowed to open and that was after church.

And then the boys  left.  She joined every group and club and became a new  person.  She traveled and volunteered and book clubbed and ate at restaurants.  And then she was more tender to me.

One day , at lunch, I looked at her and asked, "when the boys were young, were you happy?"  "Oh, I don't know, I was  too busy.  I suppose I was if packing lunches, cleaning house, doing laundry, homework, grocery shopping, cooking and baking and making sure that I was raising five honorable men without any compensation only smiles, makes you happy, then yes, I was happy.  It was my job.  It didn't matter that I was happy or not.  What mattered was that I signed up to be their mother and your wife and there was not quitting.  I could never have an off day.  I had 12 eyes looking at me.  It was my job.  I was proud of the life I chose and even on the days  that I wanted to scream, I chose this job.  I never had a sick day, a vacation day or a mental health day.  It was my job".

And then he said this, "from that day on, I looked differently at my wife.  She didn't have the pills of today to take the edge off, the modern day appliances or even the modern day conveniences, if she was in the mood for cookies, she made them.  She and the whole generation of us was too proud to fight or admit that we were struggling and we had too much respect for ourselves and our children to see anything different."

She was committed to her job.  Her job was to raise her family to understand, appreciate and practice Honor, Pride and Respect and she never waivered.  And without even knowing, she made me do the same.  There were not shootings and schools then, there was always that "family" that everybody knew about but nobody ever discussed but there were not drug addicts, babies born at the dance or people having babies that never cared for them.  My kids never wore pajamas to the mall, they protected sex, they courted their women, they paid their bills and bought their own cars and they never wanted to disappoint their mama.  They respected their mother, and she taught them to be honorable and she lived honorably.  She taught them to have pride.

Times has changed, this is true.  It is a new generation, I am aware.  What has changed, and should not have changed, is the commitment that we have to our children.  The lessons that we teach our children is more important than ever.  Spend more time with your kids and an book than you do with your kids at the mall or in front of the television and you will have better kids.  Spend more time eating at the kitchen table with your kids than in your car with cell phones and you will have better kids.  Spend more time in church with your kids and you will have better kids.  Spend more time with your in-laws and your family members and you will have better kids.  Spend more time doing less for your kids and allowing them to do more and you will have better kids.  And spend more time caring or them and their needs then you do for your own and you will have better kids.

This was not the same as sticking a lighted candle up your butt and most of what he said i have heard before and practice myself.  It was his strength and conviction that struck me.  His conviction and his passion.  I totally believe that the same conviction and passion was the fuel that carried his wife.

It carried me as well. 

I don't know if this is why a candidate one and another lost.  I don't care.  It does make good sense that this makes for a better family.


 Some days when I feel like "what the hell", I am going to think about this lady and wish that she would have run for an elected official.