In good times and in bad

I met my husband through a blind date.  Some days we love that person who fixed us up, some days we hate her.

Neither one of us wanted to get married again.  We were both "freshly" divorced and so "not in the mood."  Well, the rest is history.

We had a brief courtship.  We decided to elope on New Year's Eve and get married under the gazebo in Charleston, South Carolina.  No frills, no fuss, just a New Year's Eve wedding.

Weeks before the "elopement", we got a call that the "button" had been removed from his home and Georgia and was placed in a home for adoption outside the family.

We moved like lightning.  Franklin told me, "Help me get this kid, and I will make you a great husband." 

On December 16, Santa came early and gave us the "button."

Franklin has two grown daughters from his previous life.  He didn't have to "step up".  There was no hesitating.  He stepped up quickly.

Months later, we got married on the beach on the Fourth of July.  We joke that we gave up our independence on Independence Day.  Truth is, the holiday was Friday and it made for a long weekend.  We did the "wedding thing", something neither of us wanted to do.  We did it for the "button".  Even in marriage, the "button" was the focus.

Franklin is the modern day "Archie Bunker."  He is old fashioned.  He would love a wife who stayed at home and cooked and cleaned wearing pearls and high heels with a roast in the oven.  He told me straight up, "you need to cook, take care of my kids and something else we won't discuss." 

His kids and his family have always come first.  And sometimes that meant that I showed up while he worked.  Or, it meant that he stood against the wall with the video camera while I was on the sidelines screaming.  But he was there. 

And when he wasn't "there"  "there", he was "there". 

When the opportunity came to go the wilderness with the "button", he couldn't wait.  He was there.  He embraced the messages, the lessons and the once in a lifetime experience with his son.  And, he wanted to be a peace with his son.  He gave it his all. 

Franklin said to me one day, "since I married you, I use under eye cream, eat feta cheese and go to therapy,  What the hell?" 

He has tossed his Archie Bunker armor for the benefit of his kids. 

I feel like after over 100 posts, he is "post worthy".

And he is sad.  I think that in our culture, it has been expected that moms be soft and dads be tough.  I really think that I am the tough one and Franklin is the soft one.  He just walks around with his butt cheeks so tense he could open up a coke bottle with them.

The biggest fights we have had in our married life have been over the "button" with the exception of a premenstrual fight over yard mulch.  The biggest fights because it really was a big deal and we were obviously both filled with passion over this situation.

But we were together. United.  And together.  If you are going to stay up all night, not sleeping, a nervous wreck, it is easier to do it with your spouse.  We are in it together.

So many times, because I am the "loud Yankee" with the crazy laugh and wild demeanor, Franklin is the silent guy in the background.  Lord knows, he doesn't have much of a chance to talk in our house. 

When you stand there and say your vows, you have no idea what "better or worse" or "good times and in bad" can mean.  Seriously.  You have no idea.  Our line is "it won't always be this way."  Fourteen years later, we are still saying this.  Funny thing is that despite all the "worse" it has made us better.  Stronger.  If we can get through this, I feel like we can get through anything. 

And at the end of the day, when you marry someone, you have no idea what the hell is going to happen.  You just need to make sure that you hold on to one another untill the ride comes to a complete stop, through "good times and in bad."