Myths

I don't know why, but when I am on the treadmill, my mind goes like the Ever Ready bunny on crack.  I think of a MILLION things.  Lately, it has been myths.

I have eaten more cookie dough than I have cookies.  I have never had a worm.  I have eaten raw potatoes and raw hamburger, sometimes I have eaten the two together and still no worms.  Seriously, have you have heard or known of someone who had worms because they ate raw cookie dough, raw hamburger or raw potatoes?  Who said this causes worms?
I know alot of nurses and doctors and I have never heard them say, "so and so is in bad shape.  too much raw cookie dough.  the worm gottem."

When I moved below the Mason-Dixon line, I was in a manager's meeting one day.  They decided that we could all sit on this cement wall in Greenville, SC for some promotion.  I said, "No can do, we will get hemorrhoids if we sit on cold cement."  They were astounded and thought I was an idiot.  Everybody up north knows that if you sit on cold cement you will get hemorrhoids.  Really, do you really get hemorrhoids from cold cement?  If this were the case, wouldn't homeless people have signs that say, "will work for food and preparation H?"

My brother was obsessed with peeing outside.  He would pee just to pee outside.  Until my mother told him about the pee-pee bird.  The bird that swoops down and pecks little boys who pee outside.  This cured my brother Todd.  My son Walker, no.  His response, "Mom, me and Ethan googled it, there is no pee-pee bird."  Somewhere, my mom learned of the pee-pee bird but nobody else ever saw it.  Kind of like an snipe hunt with wings.

My mom told me that if I shaved my legs, it would grow back thicker and faster.  I wanted to shave my legs so bad.  We wore "gym suits" and I swear I was the only kid whose mother did not allow them to shave their legs.  Why, "it would grow back thicker and faster".  Mom, my husband has only a few hairs left on the top of his head and he shaves them.  They do NOT grow back thicker and faster, he can prove it to you.  I spent three years in gym class with the hairiest legs because of this myth. 

My mom told me that if you have a lot of kids your uterus will fall out.  I guess the random sock on the side of the road is there because he went to rescue the uterus that fell out and didn't know how to get back to the correct woman.  If this is true, my mother-in-law and the Dugger lady surely would have had the uterus pop out and run off.  I can just see  the uterus now running down the road with the random sock that escaped from the laundry basket.  The sock would be running, "Go uterus, go, keep running, don't look back...go."  Bizarre.

And my favorite myth,"if your second toe is bigger than your first, you will be the boss of your spouse."  You just looked down at your toes, didn't you?  I based trying to find the perfect husband on the length of our second toes.  Is Frank's longer than mine?  No. Real, actually, I am not sure.  You can aske anyone in our family, we know this myth.

Here's another myth, if you spend hours on the treadmill, you will be more calm and together.