Guess who?

I don't like to repost...but occassionally, I feel the need.
This weekend is the "LOVE" weekend.  Valentine's Day.  I am not a "love" person but I do like Valentine's Day....I love to decorate boxes.  And then slip Valentines inside the box.  Love it.

And lately, bad choices and how to clean up bad choices has been a huge topic in our home and with my friends.  (see F ...the blog prior).  

So, in the spirit of love...and in the spirit of making mistakes and bad choices in schools...A repost.  The most interesting thing about this Valentine's Day story...I think about it every year on Valentine's Day.  Annually.

Feel the love.



I have been blessed in this life to have those "lifetime friends."  You know, the ones that call you after you haven't spoken to them in years, and the conversation flows like you saw them yesterday.  Those friends that have known you in and out of your life for a long time.  Annie is one of those friends.

I have known her since the Kindergarten days, all through school, she was my roomie  at WVU and then by chance, she lived down the road from me a tad in North Carolina. 

It was the other night, during a late night "porch" phone call that the "fourth grade Valentine's Day incident" came up.

Oh, the Fourth Grade Valentine's Day Incident.  Hmm.

Annie still had unanswered questions from that day forty-one years ago.  "Remember when we got in trouble in fourth grade over the Valentine's Day party?" 

"NO, I didn't get in trouble that day."

We read in the paper that we had the dreaded "new teacher."  Ugh.  We were so scared.

The first day of school we saw her. A cross between Snow White and Mary Tyler Moore, Miss Mercer was everyone's dream teacher.  We were her first class and we loved her.  Adored her.  She was "the" teacher that we all still talk about.

But as much as we loved her, we LOATHED Danny M.  Danny M was the one boy that is in every class ... tall, skinny, dirty teeth, boogers,greasy hair, and shirts buttoned all the way to his neck and dirty fingernails.  But, worse than all of this, Danny M. smelled like pee.  Not urine, he wasn't old enough, pee.  I knew.  I sat beside him.  Always.

The Valentine's Day party was coming. "The" party of the school year.  This of course was way back when you only had two parties per year, Christmas and then Valentine's Day.  WE would decorate our boxes when it was too cold or snowy to go out at recess and they were amazing. They were amazing even without Pintrest.  Oh, those were the days.

 The big day was coming.

I am assuming that the "plan" was developed in the cafeteria.  The plan was evil and simple.  Nobody was to give Danny M a Valentine.  Nobody.  Not a one, zilch, zero, nada, no Valentines.  It was that simple.  Annie, Barb (the perfect twin to the Campbell soup girl), Julie, the whole lot of us and we spread the word.

That night, at the kitchen table, while I addressed my Valentines, my mom learned of the "plan."  Linda, my mom, went CRAZY.  Not a little crazy, but a 10 on the crazy rector scale.  "Oh hell NO", she screamed. 

OMG.  What was I going to do?  I knew she was angry enough to call Miss Mercer and my friends, what would they say?  A fourth grade dilemma.

The next day, I slipped my Valentine into Danny M's box.  I did it when nobody saw me.  He sat beside me so I did it before the party.  Done. 

And, I slipped in 12 other Valentine's that simply said "guess who?".

Well, Danny M was sooooooo beside himself that he had 12 Valentines that simply said "guess who."  He gave the plan away. Miss Mercer had a "feeling" that something was up, checked his box and there were 12 mysterious Valentines plus one with very small handwriting that said "Stephanie".  Hmm.  Thirteen Valentines in a class of 20 or so.

You can figure out from there.  Annie, Barb and the gang got called out, demoralized and they have been carrying this around for 41 years.

"Annie, I gave him a Valentine", I admitted.  "And, I took the leftover ones that I had and wrote "guess who" on them because my mom found out and I knew she would kill me."

A confession.  After 41 years, the secret to the Valentine's Day Massacre of Danny M who smelled like pee was out.  

She was astounded.

"You are kidding?"

"Nope.  Linda knew and I knew she would kill me.  I knew it was wrong. I didn't want anybody to make fun of me, so I signed my name, microscopically to one and "guess who" on the others.  My mom was fine.  Danny M was thrilled and wasn't smart enough to do the math and you all never knew."

The bottom line is this, we all screw up occasionally.  I have.  I have one biggie beside my name and a few not so big beside my name and that is today.  Who knows what tomorrow will bring?

And, I knew better.

Every time I tried to screw up, even the first time I had sex, there was this little voice tugging on my ear.  "Guess who" became the inner voice code name for my mom.  My conscience too.

And, your past, whether you want to or not, can and will catch up with you.  

And when it does, sometimes it knocks on your heart and says, "Guess who?"  

Just hope they give you a Valentine.  Happy Valentine's Day. 

it wasn't supposed to be this way but...: Fire Paw Coyote

it wasn't supposed to be this way but...: Fire Paw Coyote: Well, the men are home.  Both of them.  After 42 days in the Tonto National Forest, the "making of a walking" is complete. Fire Paw Coyote...

Fire Paw Coyote

Well, the men are home.  Both of them.  After 42 days in the Tonto National Forest, the "making of a walking" is complete.

Fire Paw Coyote and Rising Lion of the Moon came home on Saturday.

And so it begins, again.

The past couple days of have been filled with tales of the trail and lessons learned, sights seen and smells.  Seriously, my son could win Survivor.  He can start and make fire without matches or flint, aka, busting a coal, eat rations of food, find wood to carve from, carve eating utensils, etc.  He did it. 

And somewhere along the trail you learn to communicate effectively with people, learn to appreciate your family, the things you have at home, you learn to feel and
understand the greatness that each of has within and you learn to embrace your greatness and plan your goals accordingly so that you may always walk forward in life.

Back at home, we learned too.  We learned to find peace in our hearts.  When raising teenagers, that peace is sometimes very hard to find.  We have it.

 I have learned and absorbed that there are "seeds of greatness" in all.  What makes me sad is that my son went to this program for me to learn it.  I have known it all along but somehow, going through life, I tossed it to the side.  When "Fire Paw Coyote" first began his walk, we had to write him a "seeds of greatness letter."  Basically, it is a letter that talks about the beginning of their life and what you remember about them, the books they liked, when they learned to ride a bike, favorite movie, etc.  You would be amazed at what writing that letter does to your heart.  And then, I had to write one to Franklin.  Wow, that letter and the fact that I was reading "Fifty Shades of Grey" at the time, changed the way we acted.  Franklin of course had to write to me as well.

I am ashamed to say that I had never written one of these letters to my parents, my husband or my kids until now.  I am going to give one of these letters to my kids every year, from now on in their birthday cards. These letters change hearts.

All of this program is based on Indian ways and beliefs. 

Names were given.  Getting "your name" is such an honor.  I was named "Vibrant White Owl of the Mountain."  It is the name that was given to me by the "button" with details to intimate to share.  I can tell you, this was not a five minute process.  He really thought about it and then made me a memory pouch to keep the paper from the naming ceremony in it, close to my heart.  Seriously, maybe it is the inner Girl Scout in me, it was one of the most beautiful things I ever experienced.  Very organic.  

And so it begins.  Again.  What is next? I Don't have a clue.  I am out of the soothsaying business.   

One thing I know for sure,  you are NEVER too old to appreciate and feel new things and new beginnings.  You owe it to your heart and your inner self to open up your eyes and see new things or old things in new ways.  I have always been a lover of the outdoors and nature and now I am more convinced than ever that God's works do conquer and create peace.  I also am amazed how God puts people where they need to be and with whom they need to be with at that time.


In my life, I have been blessed to have had several of those "OH" moment experiences, one with my parents and a few without.  Nonetheless, we all benefited from the experiences.  These moments are all part of my inner being.  I am so glad that this will be one of his and one of ours as well. 

A year ago today, I was a frantic mess.  I had a heart at war and a heart spewing chaos.  Today I am the Vibrant White Owl of the Mountain, mother of Fire Paw Coyote, and I have spoken.

A Walkabout

In the Australian culture, aborigines take the males on a "walkabout" as they enter adolescence.  This walkabout is a spiritual journey that is the passage from being a boy to becoming a man.

Today, Franklin begins his journey to the wilderness to "walkabout with the button."

No, we have not spoken to "the button."  We do get letters on a weekly basis but we do not speak with him.

While the "button" has been walking in the wilderness, living off the land, carving feeding utensils and talking, we have been doing the same.  We just have air conditioning.


Our journey has been via the phone with therapists and parents from all over the United States.  Again, if you take your troubles and put them in a bag and go to market, I am now 100% sure, you would leave with your original bag.  Oh, the stories and the broken hearts and spirits during group therapy. 

During this past year, if I had a nickle for every person who has said, "if you could just get him out of here."  Well, I am here to tell you that every state in the union is represented there.  It only matters who you are and not where you are.

People have written or called and asked me questions about this program.
Why did we chose it?  It spoke to me.  It is truly that simple.  I researched and researched and researched and this program spoke to me.  The questionnaire made my head spin and even though over a million people have googled it, I really felt like that page was speaking to little old me.

And, this program is about EVERYONE at our address.  For the first time, the first question was not, "what type of insurance do you have and how are you going to pay for this.?" 

It was organic and about the entire family and all of us have participated.

What have I learned?  Very simple, a heart at peace is much more productive than a heart at war.  That statement is so very easy to write but so challenging to get there.  One year ago when the storm began, we all had hearts at war.  All the wars were different, but they were there.  I had a storm, Franklin, Walker, Addie and the "button" all had hearts at war.  All different, but there. 

Once I saw a three minute segment on the Oprah show.  I don't know who said it but what they said was so meaningful to me, "the more energy you give something, positive or negative, the bigger it becomes."  When your heart is at war, nothing very positive will come. 

This program has changed our hearts, our outlooks and our goals.  It has also changed our "being".  We listen more, we talk more and we speak to one another like we are real people and not objects.  Trust me, Franklin is getting a T-shirt that says, "not an object" on it.  As you go through life, day to day life, it is so very easy to sometimes bark out orders, answer shortly or curtly and not listen.  It is easy and we are ALL guilty of it.  We have spent hours changing our hearts here under the air conditioned roof while the "button" has practiced this, and many more things under moonlight skies.

Is the "button" fixed?  I hate that question.  Hate it and struggle immensely when asked.  My son is a child.  He is not broken.  He just needed help.  Like glasses.  We got him some glasses that look into his heart and his mind.

Am I hopeful?  Of course I am.  And, I am at peace.  A year ago, I didn't leave my house.   I was a mess.  Not today.  I am at peace.

I am excited for the men in my life.  I wish I was with them.  I am certainly there in spirit.  And they are in my heart. And this heart is a peaceful heart.