what's so devastating?

I spent time the other day with a boy who knows the "button."  What the boy didn't know is that the "button" has siblings. 

The boy was stunned.  And then he asked, "do they know about the button?"

"Well, it is pretty hard to hide a missing person."  I also went on to explain that the "button" is a very positive and productive part of their young lives.  He cooks for them, he takes them to practice, he plays ball with them, video games, takes Addie to horseback and he makes them laugh.  They love him.  They adore him and he has earned their love.

And then I said, "we are all in  therapy and it is helping them.  We are all devastated."

His response was, "what's so devastating about all of this?"

I almost fell over.  And so I continued, "what's so devastating about this?  Well, I have a son who will spend his birthday in summer camp with no cake, no singing, no family and no shoes on his feet but instead a bracelet on his wrist.  I can see him for fifteen minutes a week, maybe, I can not touch him, we cannot speak in private and he has a bleak future a horrible reputation and he will need to go through life like he is running a marathon with no legs and had all the brains, the talent and the great future that a kid could want.  That is what is so devastating.

At first I was so startled.  Now I am not.  Let me just state for the record, I do not think that this boy (almost 20) is alone.  I think it is a generational thing.

My ice cream truck is selling rolling papers.  The Kardashians were awarded a 40 million dollar contract yesterday to keep their "show" on, Snookie is knocked up, her boyfriend is cheating on her and the kid will most likely have fetal alcohol syndrome and none of this phases this generation.  On MTV , there was a week of "congrats snookie" on the birth of you drunken escapade.  Ugh, this is what is so devastating.

Morals and ethics and character have just dried up like magic fairy dust.  Don't teach your kids to go to school, study hard, get a job and do the right thing.  Be a tramp on TV, marry for 72 days, sleep with more guys than states in the union, an you get 40 million dollars.

Last Friday, I did some old fashioned facebook stalking.  It was 4/20 and I just wanted to see.

OMG.  That is all I can say.  "Bring it on, 4/20.  WOOT WOOT".  Kids, you didn't invent 4/20.  Get over yourselves.

Later that night I went to the Spring Fling.  The PTO fundraiser at the elementary school.  Seriously, a huge night if you are in elementary school.  Guess what happened?

A parent, stoned out of his mind, most like on pills, drove his kids to the Spring Fling and was arrested.  Really.  Not making it up.

What is so devastating?  All of they above.  And, if you stand up and try to change it, it is like looking for a kid's tooth at the bottom of the ocean.

The even more devastating thing about all this?  These people who think it is cool that an ice cream truck selling rolling papers will eventually reproduce.  They will become parents. 

I don't know, I hope I am wrong, but I think this is devastating.

it wasn't supposed to be this way but...: Broken Seed

it wasn't supposed to be this way but...: Broken Seed: "why haven't you blogged?" "I am broken." There you have it, as simple as that, I am broken.  I feel like my life is broken. So, I pl...

Broken Seed

"why haven't you blogged?"
"I am broken."

There you have it, as simple as that, I am broken.  I feel like my life is broken.

So, I plant.  I am now convinced that Johnny Appleseed had a child who went to summer camp and he didn't know how to cope so he planted.  And planted.  And planted.

I am Johnny Appleseed.

I have planted and planted and planted.  Herbs, veggies, sunflowers (Oh my, have I planted sunflowers).  I just keep planting.  It is great therapy.  And then, when I got my garden together, I started at the kid's school.

I get excited about weeds and penny wort, pulling both are so therapeutic.

But then, the sun sets and once again I realize how sad and broken I feel.  I can only imagine how my son feels.

This trip to summer camp has crushed me.  I am so angry that a $46 dinner bill landed him in summer camp.  I am so angry at his choices and the people he chose to associate with knowing what was at stake.  Broken.

So I plant. I pray at church.

Then, like a scene in a lifetime movie, the preacher spoke.  I swear that he was only speaking to me.  I didn't feel like anyone else was there, just me.

He spoke about being broken.  We have all been broken at one time.  You need to be broken to be fixed.

And then he said this, "you put the whole seed in the soil.  It then breaks apart.  It begins to grow.  And it sprouts and it turns into something so lovely.  It does take time though."

I instantly felt better.  If the "button" turns out to be a sequoia, I will really be angry.  I have time.  I am a gardener.  I will water and feed the "button".  I hope that I truly reap what I have sown.  I just want to live to see it.

Until then, sunflower seeds are fifty cents a packet at the Dollar General.