Broken Seed

"why haven't you blogged?"
"I am broken."

There you have it, as simple as that, I am broken.  I feel like my life is broken.

So, I plant.  I am now convinced that Johnny Appleseed had a child who went to summer camp and he didn't know how to cope so he planted.  And planted.  And planted.

I am Johnny Appleseed.

I have planted and planted and planted.  Herbs, veggies, sunflowers (Oh my, have I planted sunflowers).  I just keep planting.  It is great therapy.  And then, when I got my garden together, I started at the kid's school.

I get excited about weeds and penny wort, pulling both are so therapeutic.

But then, the sun sets and once again I realize how sad and broken I feel.  I can only imagine how my son feels.

This trip to summer camp has crushed me.  I am so angry that a $46 dinner bill landed him in summer camp.  I am so angry at his choices and the people he chose to associate with knowing what was at stake.  Broken.

So I plant. I pray at church.

Then, like a scene in a lifetime movie, the preacher spoke.  I swear that he was only speaking to me.  I didn't feel like anyone else was there, just me.

He spoke about being broken.  We have all been broken at one time.  You need to be broken to be fixed.

And then he said this, "you put the whole seed in the soil.  It then breaks apart.  It begins to grow.  And it sprouts and it turns into something so lovely.  It does take time though."

I instantly felt better.  If the "button" turns out to be a sequoia, I will really be angry.  I have time.  I am a gardener.  I will water and feed the "button".  I hope that I truly reap what I have sown.  I just want to live to see it.

Until then, sunflower seeds are fifty cents a packet at the Dollar General.