Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Land of Oz

There we were, The Land of Oz.

My first thought was, where are the donkeys that carry the supplies up this hill?

Primitive but peaceful.  Rustic but L.L. Beanish.  Not where the stars come.

But damn, this place is on the side of a mountain.  I am not kidding.  The kind of inclines that when you get out of your car, the doors want to shut.

We find the office and off we go.

We sit down for a little "question and answer period".

For the second time this year, I was very proud of my son and they way he was handling himself.  First is when he lost by one point at the state championship match and then at this very moment. 

Across the hall there was a "meeting" in session.  He said to me, "you know I am going to have to stand up and say "My name is Button".  He shook his head looked down.  I knew what he was thinking,  he should be in college introducing himself.

"Button, by the time you are done with this, a group of kids will have flunked out and you will get their spot...don't worry about it."

And then, there was a chance for us to ask questions.  First question "button" asks, "can I go running here?"

I swear, this man behind the desk looked at him with enormous eyes and says, "running, on your feet?"

I know he was looking to see if the "button" had hoofs and was part Billy Goat Gruff.  There is no way you can run at this place and if you can, you are an Olympian.

And then we walked to the car to get his bags.  Group hug.  And then, Walker patted him on his back and said, "you've got this".  I thought I was going to melt, melt, melt. 

I did not want to fall apart.  I too thought we would be dropping him off at college but we were not.  I guess it doesn't really matter how you get there as long as you get where you need to go. 

I got in the car and we left.  It was at that moment that I was so grateful to have my husband.  He wasn't there but he was there in spirit.  Many parents do this alone. Just a mom or just a dad.  Sometimes it is grandparents.  But I knew when I got to the bottom of the mountain and my ears had popped and there was a signal again, I could talk to my husband.

I was so proud of "button"  for wanting to do the right thing and sad too.  And, honestly, as hopeful as I was, I just knew this was only the beginning.

And off we drove.  Some where on a mountainside, my "button" is growing and doing what he needs to do and it is killing me that I cannot help and I don't know what is going on. 

But that is part of it. 

In the end, it was about Dorothy and what she was willing to do to get home.  I pray it happens for him too. 

1 comment:

  1. Stephanie I don't know what to say. My sister, Yvonne, told me about your son who was on track for college-and is now in jail. She did not tell me what happened. I have had a similar unbelievable experience. I have to say the best word to describe my life over the last two years is disbelief. My son has had many experiences that I have never had or care to have and he is just 16. I was heartbroken and numb. We had him escorted to a Wilderness Camp (primitive camping - therapeutic program) in June and he returned 48 days later. It was a family program and so far the results that we have experienced are amazing. I am scared though for school to start up. He seems strong but my usually positive outlook on youth is forever tainted. I never feared the teen years-I have a total of 5 kids and my son is the youngest. I always enjoyed every aspect of their lives but I have to say the last two years have totally zapped the life out of me. Journalling helps - getting it out and leaving it there on paper. The consequences have been enormous and the ripple effect I don't for see ending anytime in the near future. I am tired-no exhausted and numb. My husband is there for us but we don't deal with this the same way and that can be frustrating. Good luck to you, thoughts and prayers will be coming from me. I have found that meditation, prayer and just taking breaks (many time forced breaks) helps at least for the moment. Also just looking around and watching people and kids and just thinking about what is going on at that moment in others lives helps-at least for the moment and mostly the moment is all we really have -it is really hard as a mom because we always worry about everyone else but just try it. Stay present in the moment with your conversations with others don't go off into the future or the past and allow yourself that break. Actions have consequences as I am sure you and your son know but they don't have to define or break us totally.

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