The Monday after Thanksgiving...Bitchy Betty redeems herself

Total transparency, my previous post about Thanksgiving should have been Part One of a Three-part series, inspired by my friend, Joyce/  I forgot to mention this in the previous post.  

Because I didn't paint "Bitchy Betty" in a very positive light in the last post, I decided I would tell something good about her.  

In Western Pennsylvania, the Monday after Thanksgiving is one of the biggest days of the year.  It is opening day of Deer season.  Schools are closed.  Greatest day of absenteeism in the workplace too.  I am not kidding.

Seriously, one of the best days of the year.  Truly, it is the only time of the year that men actually participate in "planning".  Who knew they could decide in menus, departure times, who needs to bring what, etc.  

In our household, my dad left the day after Thanksgiving to go "Deer Hunting".  He left with his dad, a couple hunting buddies, years later, my brother joined the caravan.  These four or five days were celebrated all over by wives in the Commonwealth.

Besides picking out good jigsaw puzzled, "Bitchy Betty" introduced us to Downtown, the Monday after Thanksgiving.

Downtown, meaning Downtown Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.  Us meaning me, my mom and brother, my Aunt Judy and my first cousins, Stephen, Jennifer and Janet.

"Bitchy Betty" organized a day for us "Downtown".  In Western Pennsylvania, we use the word "downtown" to describe going into the city or town or village.  We go "downtown."

So, the kids got word that we were going "downtown" not really knowing what that meant but we were excited nonetheless.  Something new.  And Betty B organized it.  Odd because Betty did not like kids.  At all.  She was one of those people who never should have had kids.  Thank goodness she didn't.  Being a mom was not an innate thing with her. And being a grandmother was not at all her thing.  This was the only time she took the initiative to do anything with us.  So unlike my mamaw (my mom's mom).

My Aunt Judy picked us up, and off we went.  We were dressed up, like really dressed up. Stephen had a sports jacket, the girls in nice skirts and sweaters (adorned with holiday pins, presents with red ribbons) and our hair looked amazing.  We picked "BB" up and off we went, downtown.

I distinctly remember going and parking the car and taking the bus Downtown.

We got off the bus in front of Kaufmann's Department store and the holiday windows.  Now please understand, Kaufmann's was almost a verb.  "I need to Kaufmann" or translation, "I need to get to Kaufmanns."  Kaufmanns was the most gorgeous store ever, with a great restaurant inside, The Tick Tock.  If you counted the hours I spent in Kaufmann's s as a kid or young adult, i bet it would be decades.  My mom had a love affair with Kaufmann's, and we only shopped at the Monroeville store (or later Westmoreland Mall store).  To be "downtown" in the mothership was awe inspiring.  We should have checked her pulse and my Aunt Judy's too.

 To this very day, we still open Christmas gifts in Kaufmann's boxes.  We covet them.

Kaufmanns "downtown" was famous for its clock on the corner of the outside of the store.

  

At the Kaufmann's window, KDKA Radio was broadcasting live, the annual Children's

Hospital Drive.  I can still see Jack Bogut in the window, huge headphones, the call letters on the microphone, the clocks, it was amazing. I honestly think it was the trip that made me want

to work at a radio station. We watched in amazement.  The radio station we listened to in the morning was right there in front of us.  We stayed long enough to hear the " Start your heart, eat a Farkleberry tart and tear the world apart, Farkleberry, Farkleberry".  If you purchased a farkleberry tart, proceeds went to the hospital.  My dad thought this little jingle as amazing. You could purchase the little tarts and then they came out with the turkey.  My dad was all about the turkey.  Standing there in front of the window, watching and listening was no doubt the coolest thing that had happened in my nine-year-old life. 

We listened to KDKA all day, every day.  We laid in bed as a family listening intently to hear our school district called for snow delays and closings. We listened to Pittsburgh Pirate games, and we could sing the jingle, K-D-K-A Pittsburgh, 1020...can still hear it coming from the radio above my parents' bed.  Seeing what we heard come to life was so cool.

Until we walked INSIDE of Kaufmann's. Inside this department store, it was a cross between Disney, Stephen Spielberg and Willy Wonka magic. The store smelled like Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory, the chandeliers look like something from Disney and the escalator floated. It was all magical.  

On the first floor, there were two things I remember, the makeup/perfume department and on the other side, this confectionary department.  They had the most beautiful chocolate covered apples and pretzels and orange slices.  Everything was lovely.

 We went up the escalator to the restaurant.  We stood in line, and they called our name.  We entered this huge restaurant with enormous chandeliers, round tables with centerpieces and tablecloths.

At your place setting, there was a paper placemat, which also served as the menu.  The menu was list as Rudolph, Dasher, Dancer, Donner, Blitzen, Prancer, Vixen, Comet and Cupid.

Each Reindeer name was a different item.  

I remember the very first time the waitress asked me, I sat up straight, perfect posture, and said "I will have the Rudolph" like I was somebody.  I was.  I had a gold holiday pin on my sweater, my hair looked great, my legs were together under the table, and I was having the Rudolph in a grand ballroom.  It did like the ballroom from the movie Titantic.

We ate our lunch and went to another floor.

What happened on whatever floor it was, was the coolest. We walked in and there was this giant Christmas tree, perfectly and precisely decorated. But this Christmas tree, she spoke to you.  She asked your name, what you wanted from Santa, where we were from, a whole conversation.  Amazing. We were all enthralled.

After speaking to the Christmas tree, we left and took a streetcar to either Gimbels or Hornes Department store.  I am not sure which one. Gimbels was famous for the outside Christmas Tree on the corner of the store.  Again, we looked at all of the store windows that told a story.  I do remember the 12 Days of Christmas group of windows that were amazing.

Inside the store, a Holiday Sophistication that was something five young kids from Delmont, Pennsylvania had never experienced.

Up the elevator we went to the "Christmas Floor".  As the elevator opened, it was a black room with white amusements, like a Ferris wheel that was white, puffy clouds hanging from the ceiling, an amazing Santa Claus and everyone involved was dressed like the most adorable elf.  We rode the amusements, sat on the lap of the perfect Santa Claus and then we entered the "shopping hall".

Inside the shopping hall, you decided whom you were purchasing for, it checked on a paper ticket, your cash went into the envelope, it was all pinned on you with your name, and we (the three oldest) were allowed to go into a room BY OURSELVES AND SHOP!  Glorious!  We shopped by ourselves!  We bought for aunts and uncles and learned that giving was fun.  

The younger kids had to have "helpers" aka elves but not us...after we purchased our gifts, we took them to the wrapping center, and they wrapped our gifts.  While we waited, we had hot chocolate...like we were at happy hour without our folks.  It was so cool.  We loved it.

And finally, we made the trip to the last remaining department store, with our shopping bags filled with treasures we had picked out.

The last windows were amazing too.  They entertained us and we were starting to drag.

We got on the bus and made our way back to our car.

There were so many things about being Downtown that day.  Everything was huge, lovely and perfect.  It was so sophisticated, so festive and so magical.

We did this trip a few times.  The first one is always the best.  I never ordered anything from the menu besides the Rudolph.  My cousin Stephen opted out for hunting, Todd soon went hunting too and the trip fizzled out.

What didn't fizzle out was the magic of opening day of deer season.  My mom and I would carry their bags through 12 feet of snow, barefooted, if we had too, to get them to leave.

Not hating on men, but there is something just as magical as a chandelier, when the men leave for a few days.  My mom and I ate Lady Borden's Bing Cherry Ice-cream for dinner one night.  You know why?  "Because we can".  That's what my mom said.  I slept in bed with her.  The house stayed clean, and we "ripped" (shopped, we called shopping, ripping) and had the best, laid back time. 

When I think back on those days, I smile.  Honestly, that was shopping.  It was the best.  Makes me sad that boxes are delivered to your door, and you retrieve them in your bathrobe. As I am writing this, my daughter texts me her Christmas list, via Amazon.  Gag me.  So tired of looking at Jeff Bezo's girlfriend on his yacht, all toned in the two piece.   

And her is her Christmas list, you click it and add it to the cart, and it comes to your door. 

Oh Addie, we could have had the Rudolph together. 

My Thanksgiving Journey

 

Thanksgiving is approaching.  

I am cheering for Thanksgiving.  It is the "forgotten" holiday lately.

Funny, I was never a fan of Thanksgiving.  Not because I favor underdogs, but I am cheering on Thanksgiving.  

No judgement here, want to put a tree up in July, your house, enjoy it.

But I just think we have kicked Thanksgiving to the curb.

When I was a young girl, it was without question, the worst holiday in our home.  I have written about it several times.  Trust me, we had so much to be thankful for but it was the day.

Thanksgiving was the ONLY holiday we spent with my dad's side of the family.  We barely made it through that one day.

Here's the Reader's Digest version, our "step grandmother was a career woman (back when women her age were not), she NEVER stopped talking, she didn't like kids, she was not a homemaker, she was bitchy and she could not cook or bake.

Our other grandmother was funny as hell, was a fabulous baker and cook, (my great grandmother as well) loved kids, and her house was clean.  Even though we ate in the basement at her house, the basement was immaculate.

My dad would leave the house early to "drive deer". In later years, he would take Todd with him.

If my mom said be home at 10am, they routinely would be home at 11:30am.  This no doubt started a huge argument.  Funny thing is, these were my dad's parents and even he didn't want to be there. 

So the guys would get home late, have to shower and we would "be behind schedule".  So ironic now looking back, and I will get to why it is ironic.

Then, on the twenty-minute drive to the grandparent's home, my dad would totally continue to push my mom over the edge by doing things like going down the highway, opening his door while driving 55 MPH and spitting his tobacco juice.  I can hear her now yelling at him.  And of course, we could never go directly there.  We had to go on a back road because he "a 10 pointer at the edge of the woods" and as we approached the spot, he would always say "no talking, you will scare him."  My mom never understood that was his way of getting to stop talking.

It didn't matter if I was 8 or 18, as we made this journey together in the car, knowing the final destination, my butt cheeks would tighten and I would be so stressed out knowing that my cousins were at my mamaw's having fun an eating good food and I would be entering the "geriatric Twilight Zone" with shitty food.

We never knew that cast of characters.  Jack and Dorothy (we loved Dorothy, Jack was a couple notches up from Walter Matthau, and were my dad's aunt and uncle), Roz, who was maybe two years older than me, graduated college at 18 and was some nuclear something and we had ZERO in common, Peg (who totally understood that I was miserable being there and why I was miserable) and her dentures that were too big for her mouth and she would smack them when she spoke...seriously can still hear that sound 50 years later and some other cameo appearance guests.

I would say hello, heard how tall I had gotten or grown up and beeline to the back bedroom to build a jigsaw puzzle.  I spent the entire day in the back bedroom listening to at least seven people with hearing challenges trying to converse.  I will give Betty (the bitchy grandmother) credit, she always bought great jigsaw puzzles.

My mom would always say on the way over there, "I can promise you this, when we walk in, you will not smell turkey because it will not even be in the oven yet. She says we are eating and 4, who wants to take bets?  I am betting on 7".  But we had to be on time.  The irony.

The dining room table always looked like a photo from Southern Living, maybe even cover worthy.  But, as my dad would say "yeah, but the food sucks."

The room was too small and crammed and she crammed us all in there and whenever anybody cut their food, the whole table and chandelier would shake and you could actually see the crystals on the chandelier hitting one another.  I used to cut food just to see this.

Above our dinner plates, were the salad plates, with wilted lettuce with a green jello salad on it with carrots in it.  I swear on my kids, I NEVER, EVER, ate that salad.  Because it was my job to clear the dishes afterward, trust me, I was not alone.  I know to this day if you were to mention green jello salad with carrots, my brother would instantly shake his head and go back in time to Bert Drive.

The dinner deadline always came and went.  The turkey was never done in time.  I know my mom went in to that kitchen and turned that oven up at least three times while we were there.

They always played cards and Uncle Jack would always lose and yell.  Betty always served this Chinese noodles as a snack (that I have never seen again in my life) and you could hear her chewing and Peg's dentures beating down on them.

When it was time to leave, we always passed on leftovers.  Always.  My mom had a turkey and stuffing that she made while my dad and Todd were in the woods.

The two redeeming things of the day, great jigsaw puzzle (which I always completed) and the Islay's vanilla ice-cream squares with the chocolate turkey in the center (do they even make those anymore?  loved them)

As years passed, I would hear others talk about Thanksgiving and how it was their favorite holiday, and they would go on and on and I swear I would just sit there and wonder what was wrong with them.  If my Thanksgiving was like this growing up, wasn't everybody's?

So, I marry my husband who loves Thanksgiving.  Seriously, we are total opposites. Every year as the holiday approached, there was conversation about the day.  No real traditions.  My dad was an only child and my mom one of three...we were a more condensed family.  Easy to manage and plan.  My husband, one of nine.  Not as easy to organize.  

So, I took the bull by the horns and begrudgingly started our Thanksgiving traditions.

And it wasn't always easy.  We had a couple rough years there for a while (summer camp) but we did it.  My sister-in-law would come, and we did parades and Flotillas.  But a funny thing happened, kids started to have jobs, sports, college, and the whole circle of life thing happened, and the traditions changed again.

One year, when I was really on a mission to have a great Thanksgiving, I bought some turkey dishes at Ross.

I don't know why, I just did.  And occasionally, I would find these plates or salad plates at Marshalls or TJ MAX, and I added to the collection.

A few months ago, Walker mentioned that when I pass, he would like those dishes.  OMG.  I felt like I had accomplished something.  He wanted the turkey dishes.  Bonus.  I shopped on every app like Poshmark or Mercari trying to find extra pieces.  I was so happy.  Wow, a man wanting dishes.  Who knew?

Maybe Bitchy Betty had it right all along.  Maybe it was the table setting.  Or maybe, just like the green jello salad or the Islay's turkey, it was something that he remembered about sitting around the table on Thanksgiving at his home.

Honestly, as much as my brother and I loved being with our cousins and awesome grandparents, we don't have the stories to tell like we do from the one day of the year that haunted us for a whole year afterward.

I think for women, it is everything leading up to the big days that makes us crazy and thrive.  New dishes, a tablecloth, wreath, recipe, guest, the perfect wrapping paper and ribbon, whatever it is, that is part of the magic of the holiday.  And when it finally gets here, we just want peace and to relax and chill with the magic.  But maybe the magic can be as simple as a slab of vanilla ice-cream with a chocolate turkey in it. (searched for hours to find an image of this)

My mom always taught us to invite anyone or everyone that you know, who doesn't have a table to sit at, to be at your table.  Over the years, one of our traditions has been to invite those who do not have a table to go to.  But this year, as folks age or have children and grandchildren, whatever the reason, it is just us.  (plus, Steve).

"Mom, you still need a tablecloth on the table", I was reminded. I guess she noticed that was the only day we used a tablecloth.

As I watch Christmas decorations go up and people posting about putting up their Christmas trees, I just want to sit with my pumpkin spice candles burning and say "chill, Christmas will still be there. Let's celebrate the Mayflower. 

Two of my kids will be at the table, fresh from college with tons of dirty laundry, my husband is well, my other child is well and thriving.  The sun still sets and comes up again.  When there is darkness, the light comes.  We have a baby coming to our family, a wedding and a graduation.  Lots to look forward to and celebrate.

Let us be thankful. 

 As I was writing, it popped into my head that there was a journey on a ship to another country that gave us Thanksgiving.  It was a journey on a donkey that gave us Christmas.

I just rode in my car to Ross to get my new beginning.  Let us be Thankful.