Like all who have lost a mother, I was dreading the list of "firsts" without my mom.
Ironically, the first "real" one on the list was my birthday, followed days later by my favorite holiday, Easter. On the way home from her Celebration of Life, right around Jacksonville, Florida, the dread started.
I was "pushed out into
the world" on April 1, 1961. April Fool's Day and ironically, in 1961, was Easter Eve. The "Easter Bunny brought you", my mom would always say.
I guess that is when my obsession and my mom's obsession with Easter began. Easter is my favorite holiday and my mom's second favorite holiday. We loved Easter.
And because I was born on April Fool's Day, the list of jokes, tricks, etc. is a mile long.
My mom always wanted to be first to call me on my birthday morning and would always remind me that I should be celebrating her too...after all, "I ate pork and sauerkraut the night before and it was horrible." (Never understood why she continued to tell me about this year after year, but she did).
Of course, she would always try and pull an April Fool's joke, but I was pretty good at catching on at this point.
This year was going to be different. I would be celebrating my life without the person who gave it to me. I know how lucky I have been to be 62 and just lost my mom. I totally understand how blessed I have been. Totally.
It doesn't mean the pain would be any less though.
Luckily, my birthday was on a Saturday so I could lay low. I woke up early and sat in the darkness drinking coffee and thinking about my mom. Honestly, I was having a pity party on my birthday morning.
Anytime my brother and I would have a pity party, my mom would always say, "are we getting company, do I need to bake cookies, is anyone showing up for this pity party?" This line infuriated us. Infuriated us. One more time, infuriated us.
Ironically, the pity party line has stayed with me in life since the first time I heard it.
I could hear my mom chastising me and I started searching in my phone for old messages from her.
Sadly, my mom could not speak for the last 18 months so I could not find an old message from her. She emailed or text but there were not any messages on my phone which only made having the pity party/birthday party even more necessary.
I got up out of my chair to pee (which like every 20 minutes activity at my age) and when I did, I dropped my phone. It slid across the floor and when it did, I was on a screen I had never really seen or used before...it was the previously deleted voicemail messages screen.
Hot damn, cause for celebration...I scrolled frantically and low and behold, 4/1/2018...a voicemail from my mom. Time of message was 8:43am.
"Happy birthday daughter. I would have called earlier but I was out running with my running club. I have on running shorts. Ha ha, April fools. I don't know where you are, but you know, you need to thank me for pushing you out the day after I had pork and sauerkraut for dinner. Saw your picture on Facebook. Once again, only your head. Hid again. Give it up, your chances of becoming a model are over. Like to see more than just your head occasionally. Call me back. I might be at running club. Love you. Mom.
(Like I didn't know it was my mom when she calls me daughter.)
Obviously, the running club was the April Fools and the running shorts. She hated when I wore Nike running shorts.
And there it was. My gift. Besides her pushing me out into the world in a bath or pork and sauerkraut, the best birthday present I would receive.
I listened to it a few times...like fifty times and laughed each time.
I thought about how nobody came to my pity party/birthday party to celebrate my life except for the woman that gave me life. What a gift this message was to me.
I got up, met my friend for a power walk and came home and listened again to the message.
I also thought about how lucky I was to have this message and a mother for almost 62 years.
Even though Easter was the next weekend, I was pretty sure that my mom would be done with pity parties and more about celebrating and so that is what I did. I made it through Easter. She was in my every thought and when I forgot to put the ten pounds of potato salad on the table for Easter brunch, I knew she was laughing. Who the hell forgets to put the biggest bowl in the fridge out on the table?
Next up, Mother's Day. I will be with my daughter. Seems fitting.
Thank you, Mom, for the best present you ever gave me.
