it wasn't supposed to be this way but...: "I've got this mom." I dropped my kid at college

it wasn't supposed to be this way but...: "I've got this mom." I dropped my kid at college: Like millions before me, I dropped my kid at college. Not just me, my husband too. I have had several parents say that I would lose it ...

"I've got this mom." I dropped my kid at college

Like millions before me, I dropped my kid at college today. Not just me, my husband too. I have had several parents say that I would lose it and it was horrible. They also told me not to have expectations, things would be whacky. It didn't happen. Well, maybe some of it did.

My son was not one of those kids who wanted to go to college. He wanted to enlist. We said, "you can enlist after you get a degree." He was NOT happy. And he dragged his feet. But, one night, a good friend came over and said "snap out of it and get your act together. Going to college is a great idea. The military will be there after you graduate. Now write this essay." He listened. 

And he applied. He applied to several schools. He applied to my alma mater, West Virginia University. It was his choice, not mine.

 We were at the biggest wrestling tournament of the season, when he came off the mat with a big grin, I thought because of the win. Instead he walks over and said, "I got accepted to WVU". I knew then he had senoritis and this is where he would go. You could see it on his face.

I secretly was afraid of his decision because he said they have the best chicken wings there...not exactly something you can build a future on but it was his journey.

 After he accepted, my walking buddy told me to start ASAP on the sheets, mattress pads, you name it. I did. And as they were delivered or purchased, they were piled up in my closet.  He just shook his head. I have a son. Decorations? "We don't need no stinking decorations." But, when a North Carolina state flag was delivered, he wanted it as his only "decoration" alongside a Terrible Towel.

 He asked me if he could "pick out his bed linens" and I almost passed out. He knew exactly what he wanted. Stunned. He had researched something. What a start for college. I discovered he knew how to research. I was feeling good. 

Then, because everything article of clothing he owned, represented something from his high school, he asked me if we "could go fashion shopping". Now, I was  over the top stunned. Fashion? I The next week, accompanied by his sister, they went "fashion" shopping. I was blown away. I was not blown away by the fashion choices. I was blown away that he was taking control. I wasn't buying, having him try on and returning. He was doing it.

 He even told me that he wanted a hair cut.

But as move in day got closer, he became an 18 year old jerk. Little nervous, a little burned out on covid, anxious. Or, was it because he was going 9 hours away, starting a whole new chapter in his life and only knew one other person there? 

So the big weekend was scheduled when a covid outbreak happened at WVU. His start date was pushed back and so was move in day. UGH. One extra week of a an 18 year old soon to be freshman pacing back and forth convinced that his college drop off would never happen because of a covid. He checked his email like he was waiting for an organ hoping there would be an update but not the update he feared.

 But the day came. We traveled nine hours by car and landed in Morgantown, West By God Virginia. The trunk was packed so tight, we could not have even added a Q-tip. We spent one night down on the lake, saw some deer, a marina with a zillion boats and you could not wipe the smile off his face.

 Friday morning came and my alarm went off at 5:45am. He popped out of bed. The day was here. Typically, my family is like herding cats in the morning and this one was no different.

But we pulled it together and made it to the dorm early. We were so early they were not even ready for us. The first person we met was a woman named Mrs.Walker. What are the chances? She took us to his dorm and it was game on. We had the car unloaded in five minutes and the room put together in fifteen. Amazing how easy it is when you don't have decorations. 

Of course, we had to make a quick trip to Walmart and then unload. A covid test and lunch. He did not want to go to lunch with us. Food and he was willing to turn it down. My husband stepped in and said, "get in the car."

When lunch was over, I could feel in my gut the moments were coming to a crescendo but I kept it together. We pulled up to a parking spot prepared to walk him to his dorm and he said, "Ok, thanks." Translation, cut the cord, it is time, "I've got this." 

We said our goodbyes and hugged. I handed him a box, wrapped with a card in it. He hugged me, my eyes swelled and he said, "don't cry. I've got this". And as he walked away.

 It was NOT that he was going to college. It wasn't. This was the plan. This was why I shopped for towels, monogrammed them, shopped for his linens, bought tons of deodorant, shampoo, underwear, Sharpied all of his shoes, fleeces, all of it. This was the moment. And he walked off. He looked so little as he walked toward the tall skinny dorm.

 It was not that he was leaving, or that it would be "different" after today, it was I didn't know how it happened to quickly. I swear, I just dropped him off at the Cape Carteret Presbyterian Pre-School?  I did, I swear I did. Or wasn't last weekend that I picked him from Boy scout Camp?  Didn't he just get his permit last week?  I swear he just drove after nine for the first time with his license.  Where did the time go?

 Who came up with 18? I know it wasn't a mom. I was ok. I was. It was part of the process. I wanted this for him. I was good.

 And then I got a text.

 He had opened his present and read his letter. 

Dear Walker,

 So today is the day!  You are a Mountaineer!  Let’s Go!  How exciting!

  When you were making your college decision, I truly DID NOT care if you went to WVU.  I didn’t.  But when I saw you face at the Tiger after you were done wrestling, when you said you were accepted, I knew you would end up here.  And secretly, I was like YES! 

 Emerson said, “give your children roots and then wings.”  Today is a big deal.

 A big deal and before you can blink, you will be in a cap and gown and it will be over.  Trust me, it is like high school in steroids.  And after you throw that collegiate cap in the air, it is all over.  Adulthood on steroids.  Adulthood on steroids sucks.  So, enjoy it and make the most of it every single day.  Every single day.  I do have some words of wisdom for you and I hope you follow these words 99% of the time. 

1.   Shower before class. 

2.   Go to class.

3.   Smile with your eyes since your mask will be covering your face.

4.   Be kind and helpful.Open doors and help people carry things.

5.   Be open minded to meeting people you never thought would be “your type.”

6.   Walk away from those who are toxic and filled with drama. If you avoid phone calls from them, not a good sign.

7.   Don’t be “that guy” who sleeps with a bunch of women and discards them like a dirty Kleenex. Only sleep with girls you would want to marry or meet your parents. You never know when one of them is lying and then next thing you know it, you are a daddy. Treat women like you would want your sister treated. Remember, “No” means “NO.”

 8.  Every day try and find out something new about WVU. Walk a different way, read a sign, inquire about something, go into a building you don’t really need to go into, go anyway. Learn something about your new home.

 9.  Pay attention to the smell of leaves in the fall, nothing like it, really. 

10. Learn to smell approaching snow and love it. 

11. Wash your sheets weekly.

12. Enjoy walking up and down hills. 

13. Listen to the quiet in the dorms on Sunday am. 

14. Open doors and help folks carry things. 

15. Miss your family. 

16. Appreciate that you live in a country where you can get an education and pick where you get it from. Understand that in some countries, women are not allowed to get the same education. Appreciate the gift of learning in a free country. 

17. Try as many new things as possible, if they are legal and do not bring criminal charges.

18. Love the folks in the cafeteria and the cleaning people. They have these jobs to feed their kids too. They are the closest thing to another “mom” as you will get so be kind to them. 

19.  Always use the dryer sheets in the dryer. Always.

 20. Wipe the toothpaste out of the sink and flush. Then Wash your hands. With soap.

 21. Go to Class. (this is the second time I have written this).

 22. Always carry a pen.

 23. Look confident in class even if you are not.

 24. Laugh at yourself, there will be a “few of those moments” so laugh at yourself. It is ok.

 25. Learn from your mistakes. Learn.

 26. You are going to learn more about life here in college than you will from the books, so pay attention to your life’s lessons. Don’t repeat the bad lessons.

 27. I have included pre- addressed post cards…write one a week to whomever you chose. These people have been kind to you over the years, let them know this. They will appreciate that postcard more than you will ever know. 

28. Call your mom and dad. TEXTS do not always count. Send us pictures. We want to hear your voice.

29. Go to class

30. Remember, you are from a small town, others are from big cities, but you all have bellybuttons. Doesn’t matter where you come from, it only matters where you are going. But while you move forward, remember who you really are, do not be someone you are not.

31. Be a class act. You know how. You have all the tools. Be a class act.

 You know you are loved beyond measure, worthy of being loved and capable of giving true love. You know we are proud of you, there are a zillion reasons why we are proud of you so go take all your talents and magnify our pride.

 Be proud of yourself. Appreciate what is in store for you. Being your mom has been my greatest accomplishment and provided the best memories.

 Love you son!

 Go to class?

 PS these clothes are for the first day of class…I expect a picture.

 As we were out of pulling out of town after gassing up, I got this text. "I read your card momma and it made me so happy. I love you mom and I couldn't understand how much effort you put into making this the best. I'm going to make you proud. I promise."

 If I never get another text from him, it is ok.

 After all the work I (along with my husband) put into this drop off, he truly understood, and I did too..."I've got this mom."