If I did date, I got engaged, married, then divorced and eventually married. I have stayed married now for 18 years.
I am not a "hugger" and I kiss on the cheek the first date. Most times I never kissed. These two reasons are most likely the reason I was a late bloomer.
Late bloomer but not a prude.
Today, I was in between appointments and was forced to sit and steal WiFi with about five young girls. This "squad" was either about to be seniors in High School or going to Community College. I was never able to establish.
Anyway, I was sitting down, pounding out work and answering emails, when the "squad" came in.
Nice girls. Polite. Neat and clean. Very "typical" looking. They sat down with their fru-fru coffees and their phones and they were boring. Answering text from moms about picking up laundry detergent and what scents they all like and then BAMMM! the conversation was a head turner and a body mover.
I was "listening" to them but not really. I could hear them but I was slammed and really focused. And when the "boob" came out, I was in. Not going to lie. I was listening. So much so that I acted like my plug wasn't working and I got up rearranged my seating arrangement so I could listen attentively, without them being able to watch me listening to them.
Now look, this wasn't just audible rubber necking. I have a preteen and a freshman in high school in about 4 days. I have a daughter to protect and guide and a son to teach. This conversation got my attention. This was parental research.
The quieter young lady, who just sat and sipped her coffee was a texting machine. She would give my niece Allison a run for her money. She was quiet with a soft demeanor.
All of the sudden, she looks up and exclaims, "Shit, he only likes dark nipples."
"Who?", the chatty one asked?
"Colin, this new guy I have been texting with."
Okay, "new guy I have been texting with" was just ringing in my brain. "New guy I have been texting with?" and you already know what color nipples he prefers? Do you know his favorite holiday, color, smell, meal or cookie? Have you looked into his eyes and asked these questions or did you forgo tonality and text questions and answers?
Chatty Cathy jumps on this like a fly on syrup, "the new guy? the one from the race?"
"Yep. I SEXTED him my boob and nipple and he responded."
Now I need to just say this...Nip Girl was lovely. Graceful. Not trashy, lovely. Never would you refer to her as SKANK or trashy. She also was the one who quietly said that lavender was her favorite detergent scent.
Gel Nail Nancy (with the color pink you could see from space) asks, "So when did you go out with him?"
"We haven't. We are just talking."
What? What the hell? Are you kidding me? You are just texting and then you send over a picture of your boob and he comments and you are upset about how the pigment of your nipple is going to affect your relationship? Where is Laura Ingalls? I am locking up my 13 year old daughter THIS afternoon! Seriously, am I this old?
So, now you too are hooked and want to know how this is going to end right?
Gel Nail Nancy flips her flat ironed hair back and says, "You haven't gone out with him yet and you already sexted him?"
What is missing in the words above is her tonality. Gel Nail Nancy was flabbergasted. Not that she sexted him but because she had done it so soon.
So, I wondered, is this the new version of "fast girl", "sleazy", "easy", "tramp" or whatever. Honestly, I don't even remember what I called fast girls because it has been so long.
So, Nip Girl says, "look, I have a ton on my plate right now. Work, school, practice, helping out with my grandmother and if HE isn't going to happy sexually, there is no point."
Yes, you read it correctly. 2016. 2016 where you can facetime from your phone in a Dunkin Donuts to your son in Iceland while he bathes his new baby. Companies are experimenting with driverless cars and this young girl is worried about some dude she doesn't even know yet and his sexual happiness.
And, after she very softly made her stand known, the squad nodded in agreement with her and went on to the next subject. No big deal. Acceptable. Like she said she was getting a puppy.
It took all I had in my soul and my skin to not stand up on my chair and burst into Helen Reddy's "I am just an embryo, with a long, long, way to go, until I make my brothers understand"...but I knew they had never heard this song. It was an anthem for all women in the 70's, their parents were not even born yet.
I was stunned.
And then Chatty gets a text from her mom and the "squad" leaves.
Two pair of white converse, two pair of Jack Rogers, four Iphones and one girl with light pigmented nipples.
I sat back in my seat and just wanted to cry, laugh and scream.
I remember the first time I was kissed. Really kissed. Not the seventh grade kiss at the bus after school, but really kissed.
We all remember THAT kiss.
I remember notes of affection, hours of phone conversations and the thrill of the first time he reached for my hand. I loved the business cards with flirtatious notes on my car from my husband (ask me when the last time was I got one of those) when we in the beginning of our hot and heavy relationship. I remember riding in the car with him, holding hands, driving to meet his parents. Crazy, cause I was what, 36? But, I was still excited to be in the car with him and nervous to meet his mom.
Everything was fun. Every conversation. Every lunch date. Every kiss. All the flirting, all the lust, all the fun. Hanging onto every word, questions, answers, all of it.
How sad it was for this young girl and this boy. Where was the excitement in learning? And her business like attitude...what's the point?
In a strange way, I understood the "what's the point?" But, I think that is for the "I want kids, he doesn't, or "he wants me to convert and I don't feel good about" or even "he expects me to sign a pre-nup".
But the pigment of anything? Really? Wait till this young man becomes 61 with a 55 year old wife. I can tell you he won't be that particular then.
Does anybody hold hands anymore? Go to second base? Seriously, does it ever happen anymore? Do folks even date anymore? Who drives, who pays, whatever happened to courtship?
Where has romance gone? Is it packed away with my 8Track player and my STYX tape?
Is this the reason our divorce rate is so high? When did romance evaporate? Whatever happened to looking at someone and holding their chin and saying "I love you" instead of texting emoji heart eyes.
How do you teach romance? Is it the mom's job or the dad's job? When do you begin that lesson?
Adeline has spent the majority of the summer watching High School Musical One, Two and Three over and over and over again. Her favorite part is when Troy Bolton asks Gabriella to go to the prom and they dance on the rooftop.
She loves this scene. She better like watching it cause she is NEVER going to experience it.
My favorite scene from the Sound of Music is when Captain VonTrapp is filled with emotion at the Music Festival that he cannot finish Edleweiss and Maria comes from the background singing and grabs his hand and finishes his song and then they stand together.
Franklin and I don't have a "made for the big screen type of romance" but we spent years getting to know one another. Half the fun was the few times I let him get to second base. It was part of the process.
I talked to Walker tonight on the way home about being polite to girls. He looked at me like I had three heads. I told him to "ease up on the heart emojis".
He asked, "what is up with you?"
I said, "You are growing up. If you like a girl, tell her to her face. Don't text her. Don't send her an emoji, just tell her. Hold her hand."
He looks at me and says, "Mom, that isn't going to happen. I don't have a girlfriend. Not planning on getting one and you told us not to hold hands with anyone because of germs."
We need to resuscitate romance and make second base hip again.
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