The dreaded New Year's Resolution

I like New Year's Resolutions.  I like the prospect of trying to improve something, giving up something, learning something new and having an agenda for my life.  I make resolutions every single year.  And in true Type A characteristics, I write them down on a post it note where I can see them, and think about them and then cross them off.  I live to cross something off a list.

I have pretty much had the same four resolutions for the past 45 years.
1.  Lose weight.
2.  Save money.
3.  Be more patient.
4.  Try to be the best I can be every day.

Because I have finally come to accept that my wallet will never be fat and my stomach will never be skinny, I am "changing up the list" this year.

Sometimes I have a rhyming theme..."do more in 2004", "be debt free in 1983"...the list goes on.  

I have spent hours walking up and down the same beach route for the last couple months.  Mostly what I do is think and walk, think and walk.  Still obsessed with my mortal legacy, I have been obsessing and planning my resolutions for the past six weeks.  

In 1988, my resolution was to quit biting my nails and the skin around them.  You have no idea what kind of bloody stumps I had.  I had a client look me in the eye, after a presentation and tell me that my hands made him sick.  I was horrified.  Horrified.  It was time to stop snacking on my skin and my fingernails and end my membership with the Donner Party.

Besides that, I was getting married in May and I had no nails and it would more than likely take that amount of time to grow.

Anyway, the first week in January, I went to a nail salon.  This is in 1988.  There were not nail salons every fifty feet like we have now.  It was called Bloomingnails on the Carlise Pike.  I made my first appointment.  I was going to go weekly for 20 weeks.  

And I did.  I haven't bit a nail since 1988.  I still pick a hangnail every now and then (especially in sales meetings) but I have ended my nail and flesh eating habit.

But, since 1988, I have been asking myself, did I do it because I wanted to or needed to or did I stop because someone told me what I already knew?  I knew my fingers were a mess.  They were so sore and sore looking.  They bled daily.  One time my fingers were so sore my friend had to snap my ski boots for me.  But I kept on.  Until my client horrified me.  Why didn't I do it sooner?  I felt better when I quit.  It wasn't that hard.

I was going for the "take a different way home once a week", try something new, eat less sugar, no negative thoughts, send more cards, and the list kept growing for 2015.



And then, there was the moment.

Adeline and I were watching a talk show.  She was watching...I was listening and surfing Pintrest.   Pintrest is my cocaine, and I am addicted.

The talk show asked the audience one simple question, What was the last book you read?

I lifted my head.  Usually I could look over and see the book that I was in the middle of reading.  Not anymore.  I haven't read a book since I read all three 50 Shades of Grey in three days, three times in a row.  And no, it wasn't about the sex.  It was fun reading.  Great character development on the beach, that is all.  Great summer reading.

Three years ago.

I haven't read a book in three years.  And I wanted to be a librarian.

 And I was aware that I had not been reading.

What had I been doing with my time?  Not chewing my nails.  Pinning.

Pinning. 

 I have been searching for ideas for my daughter's wedding that I hope I am so old I need a walker to attend, nautical themed cupcakes, living room palettes (like i am ever letting go of yellow), fairy gardens in your herb garden or container gardens, recipes, a zillion recipes, enough recipes for every family on the planet for the next fifty years, Halloween decorations, Valentine's Decorations, birthday ideas, photo collages, what to do with left over buttons(I don't even have any), Annie Sloan painting projects, American Chalk Paint projects, how to clean paint brushes, baby shower ideas(not throwing one any time soon), wedding shower ideas (again, don't know anyone getting married), things to do with acorns, teenage girl bedroom ideas, teenage boy bedroom ideas, home office ideas, container gardens, Big Sur, California, Vermont, Switzerland, Vermont, skiing, Vermont, nurseries decorating ideas (not bearing a child again, ever), home remedies, how to make jelly and jam (something I want to learn) and pies.   This is just one night in my life, in front of the television, do doubt watching Love it or List it, or Intervention.

I have put a muzzle on my own creativity and have become a "lazy brain."  I have allowed others to think for me and I have not challenged myself.  

And then of course, I was convinced that because I do not use my brain enough, I am going to get Alzheimer's.  Of course, I had to research it to see if I have any of the symptoms.

My family will not starve.  I have tons of recipe books...and tons of recipes that  my mom and grandmother have written for me.  I will go back to the basics.

So many things happened in 2014 that I had zero control over.  So many things.  Some turned out to be positives, others not so much.  But, I had no control.  I do have control over what I chose to do with my down time.

So there you have it, I, Stephanie Gladwell, of sound mind (for now) and spirit, in the year 2015, resolve to read more, "pin" less and stimulate my mind and get my creative juices flowing again.  Notice, I didn't say "no pinning".  I said "pin less" and read more.

I already have my first book for 2015.  My husband found it for me.  It was left in some one's car.  I figure with a title like that...I cannot go wrong.  

So, here are my resolutions...
1.  Read more.
2.  Pin less.
3.  Stimulate my own creativity.
4.  Run more.
5.  Laugh as much as I can.

Happy New Year.  What ever your resolutions are...I hope you go after them with vigor and have the best of years.