She recently asked her two 20 something daughters, "Will you miss me when I am gone?".
More than death, I have been obsessing with what I will leave behind, my legacy and what will my children take from me and into their lives.
One day in the car, I mentally and then verbally made my list.
So, in honor of Mother' Day...here is my last will and testament.
Dear "button", Walker and Addie,
I am your mom. I will always be your mom. Until you die, I am your mom. I gave you life. I took that gift seriously. I did not want to be your friend, I have plenty of those, I wanted to be your mom. It was the most important thing I ever signed up for.
What I want you to know is that while I was your mom, I was also a person. I had thoughts and feelings and goals. Sometimes you just thought I was in "a bad mood" or " not feeling you." I wasn't. I was juggling. Alot. Work, a home, three kids, activities, meals, laundry, carpooling...life. Life is not always easy.
During all these years of crazy moments, I did my best to lead by example. You may have missed or don't remember some of what I wanted to teach you, so here goes. This is what I want you to take with you the rest of your life.
1. Lead by example.
2. Be a part of something. Belong to a team, a civic organization, a volunteer group, something. Stand for something. You will learn new things, you will meet new people and when you stand for something, you won't fall for just anything. Love a team.
3. It doesn't matter how expensive your clothes are, if you have nasty gums and dirty teeth, nobody will look at your outfit. Go to the dentist on a regular basis. A teeth cleaning is always cheaper and less painful than a cavity.
4. Change your oil regularly.
5. If you take something from the earth, replace times 2. Plant trees and flowers. Respect nature. Jump in leaves, smell the flowers, watch thunderstorms, love the moon, admire sunsets. Take time to be with nature.
6. Sometimes you speak the loudest when you say nothing at all.
7. Mail cards, remember birthdays and write handwritten thank yous. Text and email greetings do not count, ever.
8. Some things need to be done in person. Not in text messages or on social media. You don't break up, ask out, announce pregnancies, weddings or anything personally important or meaningful via text messages or facebook first. Tell the most important people first, in person or via the phone and then proceed. Also, pick up the phone and have conversations with people. Have a greater relationship with phone than a monitor or texting fingers.
9. Learn to make one special meal, one special dessert and offer it graciously.
10. The best memories you will ever have will never involve something expensive. Make memories. Materialistic things are just things. Make memories.
11. Have a handful of fabulous friends that you would walk through fire for...they will do the same for you. If you wouldn't walk through fire for someone, don't expect them to do the same for you.
12. I love a glass of wine. With great company. I have laughed loudly during those moments. I have had too much to drink on occasions. I never missed a day of work because of it, never drove during that time and never shrugged my responsibilities either. I am just a human being. I never ended up on Instagram, Facebook, You tube or whatever doing anything totally inappropriate or outrageous... "just saying." You might want to think about that... If you are going to "live it up one night", remember that you need to get up in the morning. "If you hoot with the owl at night, soar with the eagles in the morning."
13. Some days, I doubted myself. I wondered if was a good mother, wife and person. It is okay to doubt yourself sometimes. It makes you do better or try harder. If you do doubt yourself on a regular basis, chances are there are somethings you need to focus on.
14. Do the right thing as often as possible. It is not always easy, a lot of times it will pain you, but you will never regret it, EVER.
15. When there are fund raising bake sales, buy something. You never know when and if you are the person people are raising monies. Do it.
16. Forgiveness is a wonderful thing. Forgive. Sometimes there are real doozies out there but 99% of the time, forgive.
17. Be Naturally curious. Wonder and ask why things are they way they are. Investigate. Explore. Investigate your children Not because you are nosey but because it is your job.
18. Sing along with the radio in your car. It will put you in a good mood. Crank it up. Know a show tune, at least one.
17. Laugh. Laugh hard and laugh often. Laugh as much as you can. It is okay to pee your pants laughing. Laugh.
18. Clean your fridge, wash your sheets, and buy good shoes and bras. Too much makeup ages you. When in doubt, bathe. If you think you stink, you do.
19. Respect and appreciate anything that is handmade, even if you think it is ugly. Learn to do one thing with your hands. Take care of anything handmade. Once you make something, this will mean so much more.
20. Have your passport stamped at least twice before you get married and have kids. Go on vacations without your kids. Your kids are not ready for Disney if they still take naps, sit in a stroller or need help going to the bathroom.
21. The biggest and most important decision you will ever make will be your spouse. They will make or break you. Take your time. Be fussy. Remember, what you like about them now, will be what you hate about them later. If they do not have a great relationship with their parents, run, don't walk away from them. If they are sick, spend time with them. If you still like them afterward, you might have a shot. Picture them old and wrinkly. Picture them bald or with saggy arms. Think about what you have in common now and what you will have in common then.
22. It is okay to feel let down or like you failed. You are going to fail. But, failure is only ever temporary if get back up and go for it. Sometimes the biggest failures lead to the greatest successes. It is okay.
23. Older people are smarter and wiser. The sooner you get this, the easier your life will become. Be kind to old people. You will be one before you know it.
24. Collect something. Learn about it. Treasure what you collect.
25. If you believe in something and are passionate about it, go for it. Let the world know.
26. Doesn't matter what app you have or what electronic device you own, some of the best time you will ever spend will be spent with a book, a real live book that has a cover, a smell and bent back pages. Love to read.
27. Nobody is perfect. Mistakes happen. Clean them up. You are never measured by the mistakes you make, only how you clean them up.
28. Vote.
29. The more energy you give something, positive or negative, the bigger it becomes. If it is negative, chop it at the knees. If it is positive, feed it.
29.. Have a relationship with God. Speak to him daily. Pay attention to His miracles and give Him thanks.
Being a parent is not easy. It is not always fun. It is often hilarious. You will never understand until you become one. Then, and only then will you get it. You will learn to sacrifice without hesitation. You will learn to love like you never knew possible. And you will do, learn and grow for that child. You may think that I wasn't always the best mother. Or that I loved one more than the other, I loved you all differently, because you were different people.
The most important thing that I want you to know, I loved you with all that I had and with all that I was...and being your mother was my greatest joy. The three of you were my anchor, my inner core, my being. You may not have had the best of everything or anything but every single day of my life, when my eyes opened, I was keenly aware that I had to give you the best of myself that day, until your eyes closed. I loved you when you were happy, I loved you when you puked on me. I loved you when you failed miserably and I loved you when you succeeded and shined. I loved you when you smiled and I loved you when you cried. I loved you when your were bleeding and my heart bled when you were hurting. I loved you when you felt that nobody else did and I loved you ran you left the house to be with friends. I loved you when you told me that you hated me, then I knew I was doing a good job. I loved you when you had boyfriend and girlfriends, even though it jarred my heart.
I loved you the moment I met you and every second in between.
Being your mother was the greatest joy of my life.
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