Lays Potato Chips, a phone message and Ball dropping

When my brother and I were little, if we were good, on Friday nights, my dad would go to Cup's in Delmont and get a bag of Lays potato chips, Helluva Onion Dip and Coca Cola in bottles. 

We would get our jammies on, turn on Hogan's Heroes and Gomer Pyle and sit at the fireplace hearth and have a "party."  That is how we celebrated life.  A party with Lays and cold Cokes in a bottle.

Lays chips and onion dip (but only Helluva onion) and become my signature comfort food in life.  Along with gingerbread.

Anyway, today, after an awesome Christmas, trip to Christmas Town, trip to my brother's and the nation's capitol, it was all over, I was back to work and it all seemed like a blur.

And to make matter's worse, it was New Year's Eve, the dreaded night.

I was feeling sad the holidays were over, feeling like all that I was looking forward to was over, and the same old, "I am a loser".  I always make resolutions and not since 1988 when I quit chewing my fingernails, have I been successful at completing the resolutions.

I need to lose 25 pounds, run a marathon, quit swearing, save a nest egg, take my kids to Disney, go with my husband anywhere and frame a bunch of pictures.

I was taking it all on.  Resolutions, the holidays, my sister-in-laws who buried sons, my sister-in-law who lost her house, my friends who have buried their parents and my friends with cancer.  Oh, and "the button."  I took that on too, kind of. 

 I knew he wasn't in summer camp but that is all I knew.   And no, we hadn't heard from him in 60 days.  Funny thing is, it was nice not hearing from him, no drama, no stuff, no grief, just peace.  He wasn't the elephant in the room during Christmas, he just wasn't there.  He is off doing research.

So, just when I was about to have a car cry, I swung into the Food Lion because Old Mother Hubbard at least had a bone. I needed groceries.

I went straight for Lays chips.  I needed comfort.

Anyway, I regrouped on the way home. No car cry.

I got home and I went into "mother mode".  I had dinner to get ready, kids to shuffle, etc.

In the middle of this hustle, my phone rang.  "Private."  I have a client, a pain in the neck client that shows up that way so I blew it off.  It rang again and again, "Private."

I still didn't pick up. 

I finished my tasks and later listened to the message that was left.

"Hello mom, it is your son, the "button."  (why do kids always say, hey mom, it so....like we cannot figure it out?)

I am calling to wish you a Merry Christmas, Happy new Year and tell you I love you and I miss you.  I am safe.  I am doing my thing.  Tell Walker and Addie that I love them and miss them and I have presents for them.  I love you and miss you and hope to see you someday."

Hmmmmm.

I played the message for my children and they said nothing.  And we just kept on keeping on.  Progress.


When I reflect on the past year, there has been sadness, so many deaths and so many sick friends. 

There has also been so much Hope.  My friends are getting well, responding to chemo and hair is growing back and corners have been turned.  My sister in law has a great place while her house is rebuilt.  My husband and I have re invented ourselves professionally.  Three women I know are moving on after burying their sons and my other friends who have buried parents this year, made it through the "first Christmas" without them.  My dear friends got married and a kind of sort of niece delivered a lovely baby girl. 

It is good to use a benchmark to reflect, regroup and reorganize and even to resolve.  That is what New Year's Eve is all about.

It is okay to feel a little down, a little bloated and a little inadequate.  When you are down, there is only one place to go.


So go forth and conquer, even if your knees are cracking, make the most of these next 365 days. 

Treat it like a bag of chips, just reach in and grab....savor every bite and find peace and comfort, even if you cannot eat just one.

Happy New Year!  Peace.