The newest member to the Club

My husband is one of nine siblings.  He has either been blessed or cursed with four brothers or four sisters.  I have been blessed with fabulous sister-in-laws.

Yesterday morning, one of his sisters called his cell phone.  He was still in bed.  I answered.
She was rushed and not her usual southern, genteel self.

She said, "I will just tell why I called.  J. died."

J. is the devilishly handsome 20 year old son of my other sister-in-law.  He was killed instantly riding his motorcycle.

His mother has been my rock.  She has comforted my in times when I didn't think I could be.  And, because my nephew struggled, Franklin and I were able to learn from her.  She and her ex-husband let love prevail and did what they could on a daily basis to help J. with his struggles.  It wasn't just about drugs, it was about maturing and finding himself and finding his happiness. 

And I always felt for my sister-in-law at night.  She was by herself and I would sit on my porch and we would talk about our son's, our feelings, our lives, their lives, just talk.  We were sisters in spirit.  Our son's brought us together. 

Her husband remarried.  In a bizarre twist, his step-son died in a car accident three years ago.  The death of this child broke J's spirit for awhile.  He had such a hard time losing his step brother and friend.

And then yesterday.

J. had more zest for life in him than anybody I ever knew.  His energy in one day is more than most had in a month.  And his spirit was like a stunt man, no fear.

Last night the "button" was chatting on Facebook.

He reached out to a genuine friend he met in the wilderness, Anasazi.  She lives in Florida and I know that the "button" adores her.

She tells him that she is down that she lost her friend yesterday.  He tells her that he lost a cousin.  She explains that her friend was young.  He said, yes, my cousin as well.  She reveals the name of her friend, J.  It was the "button's" cousin. 

This loss, her loss and his loss all meshed together in his heart, just six weeks after the death of another young cousin. 

We really do live two lives.  One that we learn from and one that we learn to live with afterward.

I don't know, because again, I have been afraid that I WOULD be making that calls and not receiving them, I think my son saw and felt something last night that most 20 year olds don't feel.  I hope so.  I pray so. 

Perhaps J's insatiable spirit and untimely death, along with the passing of his cousin will keep my button alive and that will be their bond.

And my sister-in-law, my sensible, witty rock, you are now a member of the Club that nobody wants to join.  It is free to join but your heart pays the price forever.