Is she still sober? Yes. And, she got a "real" job. I don't know what that is but it has forced her to dress up, cut her hair and buy some clothes. And she has some new venom in her.
I saw her the other day and it wasn't good. She went to see her son and she was letting him know that the additional charges he had gotten were "out of control." "Own it, Own it." she was yelling. And she stomped out.
I found out later from a reliable source, his charges are pretty significant. She has been going to town with AA and a therapy. She is serious. Go Bev Go. And, she is making decisions with a clear mind instead of a drunk one and her son isn't liking it. She has learned what life is like sober. He is seeing a side of her he didn't know existed.
My friend "JOY" is home from New Zealand. She is wonderful and well. She is fat and happy. She ate and drank her way through the down under. She had a strength in her voice the other day that I haven't heard in years. And, a sparkle. Oh, how I loved that sparkle. She learned what it was like to live again after cancer.
Yes, I sent the "button" the DARE essay that his brother wrote. And, that essay opened up a huge can of "whip ass" with the "button." I have to say that visit with him, after he received and read it was one of the most interesting visits, ever. The visit resulted in a letter from him that every mother should get from their child, while alive and sane. It is simply to intimate to share but here is the line that I know matters, " my little brother having the unfortunate situation where he sees me at my worst and it hurts to disappoint him. None of you have deserved what I have put you through but the fact is if Walker and Addie can learn from my mistakes then at least they will never end where I am and for that I am grateful."
And yes, he does know about the death in the family. Again, you cannot hide a missing person and honestly MUST be part of recovery. I will tell you this, it moved him. When he learned of a cousin's fate, I know it hit him in the gut. I was honest with him. I told him that I felt like it should have been my making the calls and making the arrangements. "I know how close you were so many times." His response, "you have no idea how close mom."
The one thing that we have all come to peace with over the last couple months, is this experience has been about learning. If we as a family don't learn and mover forward, all the hurt and pain was in vain.
And, if the "button" doesn't learn from this, again, in vain. We all must learn, grow and move forward.
He even said that, several times. The past is the past.
One of my favorite "get sucked into it every time it is on" movie is the Natural.
Glen Close says to Robert Redford, "I believe that we have two lives. One that we live and the one we LEARN to live with afterward."
This is us.
And as his 20th birthday approaches, the second consecutive one in summer camp, I feel that he is FINALLY starting to grow up. And despite substance abuse issues, this needed to happen. He needed to learn and to grow up.
And finally, the "button" and his days at summer camp will most likely end soon. He has NEVER been in front of a judge or ever been convicted of anything. Every time there was an arrest, a plan followed. He has been in "summer camp" because we didn't know what else to do. We were simply out of options and out of successful plans. We could have bailed him out but that would not yield success. For the first time in over two years, the "button" has been sober for over nine months. He actually served more time in the county summer camp than if he would have been convicted. I guess the term is "tough love." He will go in front of a judge sometime soon, learn his fate and return home.
And the question that I get the most, "are you nervous/scared?" Yes, oh hell yes. Aren't we all? Summer camp or no summer camp, aren't we all scared about what could happen to our kids? Isn't that part of being a mom? It doesn't matter how old you are or your child are, you never quit caring or fretting or worrying. Never.
Are we going to do things differently this time? Yes, we learned. I need to be at peace and know that this is his life, not ours.
No comments:
Post a Comment