It is what it is

Earlier this week, my friend T. sat on my back porch and we discussed kids.  And we discussed "the button."

It was while I was speaking to her that I had an awakening.

When the "button" was little, I used to say he was like a beagle.  He would play or talk to anyone, anyone who would pet him.  He was opened minded about everyone, as long as they would pet him.  He liked anyone.  This characteristic is the one that came back to bite him in the butt.

Of all of the blessings that have come from the last two years, the most significant has been the visits and the discussions from the visits.  It is a little like speed dating, only with your child.  There are no cell phones, no other kids trying to get your attention, just one on one time.

I know, and I knew that I never imagined that we had and still have a great relationship.  I knew it.  I was confused by it but I knew it was there.

So this past week, I said to him, "You have gown up.  What is different about you?"

And his two answers floored me.  One, because it takes some people YEARS to get it and two because I didn't think he would ever get it.  And, his answers were the result of Anasazi and Summer Camp.

First, he said he finally knows why you have two eyes, two ears and only one mouth.  It is better to look and listen than to speak.  Speaking shows sometimes what a jerk you are and listening and watching makes you look wiser and more grown up.  Can I get an AMEN from the chorus in the back of the room?.  FINALLY. 

He is one of those spirited children who talks.  From the moment his feet hit the floor, he speaks.  And he doesn't stop until his eyes close at night.  I have three of those children.  HMMMM.  I wonder where they get this from?  More on that later.

I was stunned and so happy.

And then he said that being a beagle is not what he wants to be.  He wants to be a Great Dane or some breed.  Full blown.  He finally learned that he tried to be all things to all people so he could be liked.  But, in the process he lost him self.  And when he was lost, he searched but just searched down the wrong roads.  "Literally mom, down the wrong roads."

This has always tormented me.  How could someone who was so into fitness and being and staying fit, put drugs and alcohol in his body?  I just don't get it.  And we discussed being genuine and wrapping your arms around who you are and loving yourself.

I have always wanted to be the quiet, reserved, graceful, wise one in the room.  Grace Kelly like.  I love hair up in buns.  That is what I wanted to be like.  Instead, I have that loud laugh, voice that carries, clumsy, short, wild hair and full of wise cracks.  I am who I am and my friend from back home says that I am the epitome of a Pittsburgh girl.  "Throw a beer on the bar and she can talk sports, how to cook deer and hang here clothes out on the line". 

You are who you are.  And he talked about how "you know mom, some people don't like you and you don't even seem to care.  You are comfortable in your skin."

I explained to him that No, I most likely do not care.  I am a good person and people are going to think what they think no matter what.  I just have to chose if I let it bother me or not.

The words, fake, genuine and authentic kept coming up over and over and over again. 

Despite the stench and the surroundings, I was grateful for the conversation.  And where it led and why.

I explained to him that I had developed a friendship with a very "different" person from the ones I usually befriend.  (Crystal Meth Bev)  And I explained, she is real.  She knows how she is and doesn't even mask it.  "Take it or f---- leave it".  We talked about his cousin Allison, who is most genuine person we both know.  And she is who she is.

Which lead to , "it is what it is".  My son explained to me that when he learned about the death in our family just recently, he too couldn't believe it wasn't him.  He said he knows of about 50 times it should have been him.  And that I was right, he was going to die.    When your son tells you this, you want to scream, but I can assure you, nothing comes out.  He keeps thinking about why he was spared and why B. was not.  I told him he should look up.  Somewhere up there was his answer.

It is what it is and you are who you are.  We have all been someone we didn't want to be in a place that we didn't want to be.  Having the courage to ask for directions, to get on the right road is key.

I don't know what road he will end up on or when or with who...I just hope he has the courage for ask for directions.