A Mother Duck and Crystal Meth Bev

Yesterday, I made my last visit to Summer Camp, EVER. 

First, I saw Crystal Meth Bev.  And when I saw her, I wanted to throw up.  She was dirty, her hair was stuck to the side of her head and she had a black eye.  Ok, truth serum, you just read it and raise your hand if you thought the following, she relapsed, got in a fight and just coming in from the night before?  Yep, that is what I thought too.

She was "already up" when I got a glimpse of her in the visitation room.  She left quickly too.  I thought she was avoiding me.  When I  finally got outside, she was there, smoking a cigarette on a picnic table. 

"TV  girl, come over here".  (she calls me TV girl.  I have never told her my name).

I walk over to her shaking my head and when I get there she says,

"Guess What?"  Ok, coming from her that is SUCH a loaded question (no pun intended).

"Surprise me".

"I met a man."  Okay, there is a lid for every pot, I know, but really?

"Where and who?"  What I expected and what I got were two    different things. 

"My sponsor at AA and I met him at AA."

"Did he do that to your face?"

"Is that what you f------ think, he f------ hit me?  Are you f----- kidding me?"

Oh my God, I stirred the hornets nest.

"Yes, I did.  Did he?"

"Hell no, I got kicked by a horse when I was cleaning a stall."

"Are you a horse girl?"

"Are you f------ kidding me?  You keep talking about how f------little I am.  What the hell else is there for me?  I was a jockey you dumbass."

I started to laugh.

"Be happy for me.  I have been sober for about 60 days, have better than job than I have ever had, met a man and now I have something to do with my mouth."

I swear I threw up in my mouth.

"I am happy for you.  I am.  And I am happy that a horse kicked you and not a man.  I bet you look good in that little jockey outfit."

"F---- you TV girl."

"Why did you leave so quickly today?"

"Because my son won't own up, he isn't ready to get sober and I am not wasting my time sitting in that hell hole when I can be sitting outside on this lovely day."

"CMB, I won't be here next week.  It is over.  "

She looked at me and said, "that is what you think, it is just starting you fool."

I looked at her and laughed.  And then she looked up at me and said, "thanks for being my friend.  I know you don't hang with chicks like me and I want you and your kid's life to be okay.  I think it is nice that you didn't judge me."

I looked at that skinny, toothless, black eyed, dirty hair, wrinkled girl and said, "two years ago, I wouldn't have talked to you.  I cannot judge you, we are at the same place.  This whole thing has changed me."

She looks up and says, "I feel like we should go eat ice cream, hug or go shopping or something together.  Isn't that what you do with your girlfriends?" 

I just started laughing.  I wasn't hugging.  That was just too much. 

And then she says, "I am going to see you in Wal-Mart or some place some day and I am going to yell,  "TV GIRLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL" and you are either going to start laughing or start running."

I shook my head and laughed. 

She says, "what were you saying to your boy today that made him laugh so hard?"

I said "well, I told him one day that I went to the high school for something at the beginning of his freshman year.  I saw him walking down the hall and he was just acting like a jerk.  The Principal saw me shake me head and he came over to me and asked, Have you ever seen a mother duck and her babies on a pond?  Well of course I said yes.  And then he asked, did you ever notice that the mom is first and all the babies are behind her doing EXACTLY what she was doing and then there is ALWAYS THAT one duckling, going the opposite direction, putting his head down in the water, not doing anything that he is supposed too?  I said yes.  Mr. B. then said to me, he is that duck. Don't worry, he won't get there the way you want him too or the way you think you should, but he will get there."

She looked at me and said, "damn".

I said, "Foreshadowing."

Crystal Meth Bev asked, "why did he laugh?"

"Well, I told him when he finally gets to the other side of the pond I was going to drown him."


She started to laugh and she says, "don't I f-------------------- know it?'

"You know, I have this framed piece of scripture in my kitchen that says 'if you teach your kids to go down the right road, when they are older, they will return to it" and I have to hope that is happens to my son."

Just then, the tiniest man I have ever seen, pulls up on a motorcycle.  Seriously, it was the Prince from Shrek, the little guy.  He pulls up and blows his horn and starts beeping his horn. 

She just starts beaming and says "that is my lover."

OMG, there is a lid for every pot. 

"Later TV girl.  I am glad we got to meet."

She starts walking away and she turn around and says, "Quack Quack."

And, I laughed hysterically,.