Wrestling with Wrestling

When the "button" was in the sixth grade, he came to me and told me that he was trying out for the middle school baseball team.  As a catcher, all 80 pounds of him.

"Well, good luck.  I have to tell you though, that as a catcher, you need to be one of the biggest players on the team, to block the base, you are the smallest.  I really, really want you to reconsider and go out for wrestling."

"Mom, in middle school, it isn't about who you are, it is about what you do."  Foreshadowing.

"Well, we will support you but just know it will be tough."

He tried out and he didn't make it.  So, he asked me, "what about the wrestling.?"

"Embrace what the good Lord gave you."

He did.  And he didn't miss a starting match for six years.  Wrestling became his, and our family's  passion.

Wrestling isn't just about six minutes on a mat.  It is about strength, conditioning, making weight, ringworm, infectious skin disease, wrestling shoes, core strength and food.  It is about getting up early in the morning, getting to the bus and parents following behind.  It is about getting your face smashed into the mat and somehow getting out of that.  And it is about a weird family that grows from all of this. It is about checking boys for ringworm, watching teenage boys go to bed at eight pm on a Friday night, after watching the Food Network (pron for wrestlers) for hours.

My bff told me the thing that amazes her most about me is my affection for wrestling.  There isn't a mother alive that starts out loving wrestling.  It is hard to watch.  That is your son, or another mother's son out there and it is hard to watch.
I was "the" parent that was there every match, with food for after weigh ins, food and drink for the coaches, etc.  And my son flourished.  He was very successful.  He was fun to watch.  He was the wrestler that other wrestlers liked. 

He did well. 

The night of the biggest match of his career, the state finals his senior year, I knew if he did indeed lose to the the defending champion, he would not handle it well.  I had no idea.

He lost, by one point. 

And he was a class act.  I was so proud.

Wrestling season is a long one.  September to April.  In April, the "button" was visited by a college for his "first official visit."  It was official, he was going to wrestle in college.  That night, he left the house, in the middle of the night and never really returned.  That evening was a great one and a horrible one, all in a few hours.

And while we mourned to get our son back, we mourned wrestling as well.  Walker continued to participate but it was very awkward for us to attend or to answer questions about the "button".  But, Walker kept participating and so we had to put on a brave face.

I was avoiding anyone that was associated with wrestling.  I couldn't do it.  My son had been a well seasoned wrestler, one that people liked to watch, came to watch, and wanted him to do well in his college wrestling.

And then, after being the sports page darling, he became the crime blotter headliner. 

One day in the car, Walker asked me why I acted funny when I picked him up from wrestling.  I told him that I didn't know that I did act funny.  (what a lie that was). 

He asked me if we could go to a match.  I said yes. We would go.  And I was sick about my decision.  Sick.  But at that same time, I felt a strange affection for attending.  There are four of the boys that had been there with the "button" and I wanted to see them.  They had been friends of his and ours and I did want to go.  Seriously, we could do this.

In the parking lot, before we walked in, Walker asked, "what do we do if they stare at us or ask us questions?"

"Just smile, if we smile, they will smile."

We walked in, to the usual bleacher spot and yes, we heard the gasps.  Both kids heard the too. We sat down and there was silence, all around. It was like on the news when they show people in crowd and they highlight the crowds and dim the others.

And then, a few  people spoke.  Within minutes, it was just like nothing happened. 

In the car, on the way home, it occurred to me that what I was dreading to face, gave me the most peace and composure.  Some memories are so fond, you just like to have them around.

Tonight, the boys wrestle at home on the trail for another state title.  Yes, we are going. I cannot wait.  I am glad to feel my son's spirit and I know he would be cheering the guys on and screaming wildly from the bleachers.  I know that wrestling was the one thing that gave my son joy (that was legal) and taught him so much about himself. 

I also know that wrestling  will always be a part of our family.  I know that my hemorrhoids from sitting in bleachers for years we earned with pride. 

And I know that that my wrestling family feels the pain in our hearts.  And I also know that they are siliently cheering for the "button" who contines to wrestle, daily, with his demons and his choices.