Years ago, I did one of those "mother things" and I started a Rudolph collection for the "button." And it really wasn't a collection, it was more like an obsession.
If anyone asked what to get him, I told them to get the Rudolph stuff. And the collection grew. And grew and grew.
As he got older, and wanted to play a part in Santa, we would let him stay up and my mom and I would ask him if he wanted to open a gift.
It was always Rudolph. And we were always amused. He wasn't. We were. Rudolph and boxers, every Christmas eve.
This year, I just put a few Rudolph things out. I just couldn't do the rest. Couldn't.
Last week, I stood in the dreaded "return" line at TJ Maxx. Ugh. It was so long and I quickly noticed that I had the "annoying" lady in front of me. She texted, she called on her phone, she put her bag down and she picked her bag up, she touched everything she could, she sighed and she kept getting in the bag. She was just annoying.
Finally, the line inched up to the rows of 'stuff". You know the rows, ballerina suits for dogs, olive oil flavored chips, shortcake scented candles and note cards in fun boxes. And there, kind of tossed behind some stuff was Rudolph. And Hermey. In front of me and now in her hands. "Back off lady, I want that" is what I was thinking. But, it was in her hands. It was a little picture. And it made me think of my son. And it made me sad. Again,one year later, still the same ole, same ole. And another year of him being absent from every single holiday in our home.
We had an incredible holiday and we were filled with the Christmas spirit. We were well, physically and mentally and we were in the holiday mood. Yeah for us.
But there was Rudolph right in front of me and I was sad. I missed buying gifts for my son. I missed him saying, and he always said these two things, without fail, "the house smells good" and "the garland looks good."
I missed him playing Santa and I missed buying him Rudolph and I missed him being a part of our family and Christmas.
Finally, she put the picture down. I didn't touch it. I said, "self, don't do it. You've done a good job mentally and don't screw it up now." I refrained.
Finally, it was the hyper return lady's turn. She puts her stuff up on the counter, after a 22 minute wait and she pulls out the ugliest sweater I have ever seen. I wanted to laugh, it was worth the 22 minute wait to unload that puppy. And some belt, she had a belt too. And when the cashier asked her for the receipt, she said, "I cannot, I cannot return the sweater."
"OMG lady, return the sweater. It is hideous. Stacy and Clinton would so be throwing this in the barrel making fun of it.' This is what I was thinking.
And then she says, "I cannot return it, I want to, I hate it but my son bought it for me with his first paycheck."
I felt her inside of me. I have a Christmas tree like that. I felt horrible for thinking she was annoying. Instead, she was fretting. I was so thinking that she did the right thing and I would wear that sweater with pride. Hell, screw the sweater, I would be thrilled with a card, not even a Hallmark, just a card instead of a pencil drawn card on lined composition paper from summer camp. The hand drawns are all that I have gotten in the last year.
She returned the belt. Good for her. And better yet, good for him.
I returned Franklin's shirt and strolled over to Hallmark. The first thing that caught my eye on the 50% off shelf, Rudolph and Hermie in a snow globe. Sold! to the mom who already has a Christmas wish for 2013.
I carried my snow globe out to the car. I sat in my seat and sighed. I looked straight ahead and said out loud, "the worst is over, here's to a new beginning and a new year. And it was 50% off."
Here's hoping that everyone's year, moves forward with peace and hope in all hearts.
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