Adam's Dad

It really doesn't matter if you are a parent or not, Friday's tragedy has touched everyone.  Across the seas, across continents and in countries that don't even speak English, the tragedy has gripped hearts. 

I am not even sure if the seasonal timing is really that significant.  It is a monumental tragedy that would still be a monumental tragedy regardless of the timing.

And while they show the pictures of all the children, and the teachers and the gunman, while my heart pounds with grief, the person I keep thinking about is Adam's dad.

I heard a small snip it about Adam's dad today.  I really don't think it matters how much money he earns annually or how pleasant the divorce was or how he is co operating with the authorities, what matters that he too lost a son.

He too stood at a  hospital  waiting for the birth of this child and then was ecstatic when Adam arrived.  Adams' dad more than likely smiled a huge smile and they began their lives together, father and son.  And then somewhere along the road, Adam's dad learned that Adam was "different."

I saw the reporter who showed up at Adam's dad's house and delivered the news to him.  He, of course, was quickly filled with confusion, shock and then horror.  And he wept.

And he has remained in isolation.

How on earth will this man ever move on and move forward?  My son acted poorly and I didn't shop at the local grocery store for about a year because I didn't want to see anyone.  I cannot stop thinking about him, his wife, how they will proceed from here.  Adam's dad lost his son and the mother of his children.  What he lost will almost be insignificant to what has now filled the rest of his life.

He will be tortured with questions and that "why didn't I do more to stop this?" torture.

I do not believe that Jeffrey Dahmer's dad taught him to kill young men, dismember them and keep them in his refrigerator.  I do not.  I do know that Jeffrey's dad went to his grave with guilt and sadness and huge remorse for anguish his son caused other families.  Jeffrey's dad life was forever changed.

And so is the life that Adam's dad knew.
If he thought that his son was capable of this, he would not have let him live in a house with guns?  But there were also matches in the house, gasoline and who knows what else.  Adam's dad was sane, Adam was not.  Not being the key word.

I keep thinking about Adam's dad and the horror and the guilt and the remorse that has invaded his heart and his brain and his wife and his son Ryan.  It has to be paralyzing.  And devastating.  And horrifying.

I also hope that Adam's grandparents are not living.  If they are, he will kill them too.  They will not be able to cope.

We never, ever, ever know how things will turn out or why. Somethings are meant to be.  And somethings are not.

Today in the story, they implied that his parents divorce could have been the trigger.  One out of two marriages ends in divorce.  Adam's dad did what 50% of married people do.  He paid alimony and support.  More than most do.  And in the end, we will never know what mattered and what didn't.

I cannot watch anything else or read anything else about this tragedy.  I will never understand it.  I will never be able to process any of it.  And if I ever meet Adam's dad,if he ever immerges from isolation,  I just want to hug him.