Random stuff because I am bored at work

So, I have this new job.  I write.  I write blogs, emails, stuff.  I just write.


Some days I am bored.


I have been researching blogs and blogging and they say that you need to change your blog "up a bit and often."  You know, "catch em by surprise" thing.  So today because I am bored, I am putting together my Playboy Center Fold List of Turn on's and Turn off's.


Years ago my brother and I would find my dad's Playboys in the his closet stuffed in between sweaters and we would read them.  Todd would look at the pictures.  I read those stupid things those chicks wrote.  Because I will NEVER be a Playboy Centerfold, here is my list of Turn on's and Turn offs.


1.  Clean sheets.  LOVE THEM.  Especially when I have just been to the dentist to get the teeth cleaning done, I take a shower, shave my legs and crawl in.  Great feeling.


2.  Porches.  I love great porches.  If I ever win the lottery, I am going to travel all over the world and sit on great porches and take pictures and sip cocktails and write an amazing coffee table book about great porches.


3.  Snow.  I love snow.  Snowman, snow storms and  snow cream. I  love the smell of snow, love the sound of snow under my boots, love to watch snow and  eat snow balls.  I love snow.  And when it snows I always think about the the Dr. Seuss book about snowballs.


4.  Easter.  Easter is my favorite holiday.  I love Cadbury mini eggs with the shell on them.  I love bunnies.  I love Easter grass, Easter ham, egg salad and I LOVE to dye Easter eggs.


5.  Rainy Sunday mornings are the best things ever.  Enough said, roll over and go back to sleep.


6.  I love to see really old couples talking to one another.  They always seem to be at Peace and so kind to one another.  I hope Franklin and I are like that when we are really old, age spots and all.


7.  I love to hear all three of my kids laugh and sing to songs on the radio.  When the three of them belt out "Hey Soul Sister, ....." I melt.  


8.  I love Cake Plates.  Cake Plates of all colors and sizes.  I don't know why, I love them.  I also love to bake cakes.  I don't even really like cakes but I love to see homemade cakes on Cake plates.


9.  Sweatshirts with really soft insides are the best along with worn out nightgowns.  You take your bra off at the end of the day and put one of these on and it is the best you will feel all day.


10.  Old Pictures.  When somebody dies, count on me to raid the box of old pictures.  I look at them and think about what it was like without air conditioning or modern day plumbing and I get lost.  


My Turn off list...


1.  A finger-licker!  Gag me.  Cannot stand to see or hear someone licking fingers.  Seriously, it is the worst thing ever.  Doritos had a Super Bowl commercial last year where they licked fingers, I had a hard time buying Doritos after that because I could not get the image out of my head. 


2.  Snot sniffers.  Use a Kleenex.  They have Kleenex now with lotion in it.  Pick one up and use it.  We will all feel better.


3. Jersey Shore.  That is all I can say about that show.  I wonder how many petri dishes they could fill with all the germs from those kids?


4.  Vultures of Doom.  You know, "nothing ever goes my way, blah blah blah."  Quit whining and fix it.


5.  Stiff hair.  Sprayed and processed "Chrissy doll" hair.  Seriously, why do girls do still do this? Ugh.  If you hair doesn't move in the wind then you are a "Chrissy doll head".


6.  People who chew with their mouth open.  This is also one of my brother's pet peeves.  When we were kids at the dinner table, I would open my mouth all the time for him to see just so he would go crazy and get in trouble.  Pork and Sauerkraut did him in EVERY time.


7.  Bad dental hygiene.  


8.  Jack-o-lanterns on porches with Christmas lights.  Come on,  I takes more effort to put the lights up than it does to throw the pumpkin out.  That big old orange pumpkin just screams  "lazy" to me.  Throw it out.


9.  Gravy.  Gross.  Fat and flour.  I do not get it.  The WORST meal my mom ever made was Chicken and Gravy over waffles.  I decided on that day that if my kids didn't like what I made, I wouldn't make them eat it.  I HATE GRAVY.  


10. Fake flowers on graves.  My worst fear is that I will die and my kids will dump me  in a hole along with 800 other people under the blazing hot sun and put a little fake daffodil on my grave and it will dry rot under the sun and lose it's color and look like a dried up pipe cleaner.  I hate fake flowers on graves.  If I ever become President, that is one of the first things I will change.  If you have a cemetery, you can only have fresh flowers with lovely landscaping.


Okay . I am done.  Still have three hours left to go.