Things my mother taught me

My mom is your typical "mom"from the early sixties.  Never formally educated, never took a cooking class and never had a "Mommy's Morning out" but she is probably the smartest lady I know. 

These are some of the lessons she has taught me.

1.  Be Clean
You don't have to be the best dressed or wear expensive anything, just be clean.  Hair, shoes, nails, clothes, your butt, the whole nine yards.  If I were to call my mom at 3am and awaken her from a deep sleep and ask her WHO we didn't like to sit BEHIND in church, she can tell you. "Smelled like old grease".  Be clean.

2.  Write Thank you notes
Appreciate what you have been given, a gift, a lunch, a dinner, an opportunity.  Let that person know in writing that you appreciate it.  It is a simple gesture that takes very little time but is ALWAYS appreciated.

3.  Always clean your house before you go away
Coming back to a dirty house sucks.  Clean it before you go.  If you pick up every day, it will never be that bad.  If company shows up, open up a bottle of  acleaning supply, put it behind a door and your house smells clean. They won't know.

4.  Bake
Your kids like sugar and are going to eat it.  Get over it and control it.  Bake.  Your house will smell good and kids will love you.

5.  Be the Popsicle House
Wanna know where your kids are?  Keep Popsicles and they will never leave cause they are bringing kids with them.  Candy corn is a winner too.  Have food in your house and the kids will be there.

6. Be the Fun Mom, Sing out loud and Dance
I clearly remember my mother belting out "It's Too Late" by Carole King on our way home from Greensburg one day.  I mean belting it out along with the radio.  I was looking at her like "damn, my mom is fun".  Every time I hear that song I can see her singing like she was on stage and how cool I thought she was at that moment.  Participate in water battles, dance in the kitchen and crack your kids up.  Participate in their lives.  "You had "em, now have fun raising them".

7.  Have good friends, GOOD being the Key word
My mom has lifetime friends, friends from primary school, friends from high school, neighbor friends, Friends.  Good friends.  My mom doesn't have "DRAMA MAMMA" friends.  If my mom is your friend, you have a good friend.  Take your friends seriously.

8.  Random acts of kindness are the bomb
Participate in random acts of kindness.  Give.  You don't have to be rich to give, but you will be enriched if you give.  Help, think of others and show them they can count on you. Be the kind of person to them that you would want to them to be to you.

9.  Be prepared
Every year before Christmas, once I was a little older, Mom would tell me where the gifts were hidden in case she died.  She always bought for us kids first, in case she died.  She wrapped our gifts first, in case she died.  She made our favorite cookies first and froze them, in case she died.  Already in my bedroom closet, wrapped Christmas gifts, you guessed it, in case she dies.  Plan ahead and if your plans get screwed up, you have time to come up with plan B.

10.  Your kids come first so you better be listening to them. 
She always told my brother and me, "talk to me first".  Sometimes that is easier said than done.  But when I wasn't comfortable enough with her, I went to my brother or my "mamaw".  My mom always listened.  Always.  Still does.  What sucks the most, she was ALMOST always right. 

I have thought about what I have tried to teach my kids. 

Everything on the list above except for two more things

11.  Once you commit, you don't quit.
This means marriage, your job, a sport, a friend, anything.  Now of course if your friend pushes you out of a moving vehicle, then, it would probably be good reason to end the friendship.  But, don't quit.  Solve it. Resolve it.  Master it.  The more you put into it, the more you get out if it.

12.  Be the best that you can be
You want to roll back prices at Wal-mart with a blue vest and a yellow smiley face?  Go for it.  Just be the best one the Wal-mart crew ever had.  You want to be a Plumber, rock on.  Just pull up your pants.  Be the best that you can be.

This passed weekend I was slapped in the face with lessons.

Walker reminded me that I he hasn't gotten his allowance since "the first time the button went to rehab". Ughghghgh

Then, Miss Adeline had a little friend over for the night.  The friend asked when we got a futon.  Addie explains, "well, the Button came home from rehab so Walker moved  into the loft, but now the button is back in rehab so Walker is back in that room and we are keeping it here cause we don't know if the button is coming back from rehab, going to prison or what so we are just being prepared." 

Those two moments killed my heart and my spirit the rest of the weekend.  Franklin too.  I am pretty sure that me wearing a spider man mask to pay the Pennsylvania Turnpike toll  on a trip was not as memorable as those two lessons.  At least we are being prepared.

After years of speaking and doing, I feel like most of my hard work was futile.  Truly, will they remember candy corn on the dining room table on October 1 or "remember when the button was in rehab and we went on a trip?"



On Friday night, I took the kids to the fall festival.  I was leaning against the wall watching the chaos and the crowd and I heard this woman say to her friend, "that's the lady whose kid is in all that trouble".  Wow.  All those people there and  sadly, I knew it was me she was talking about.

I have always listened to my kids.  My mom said if you get a boy or a man to talk you "better shut up and listen".  I have.  I only wish the "button" would have talked to me.

I have said so many prayers that I swear He hears me and says,"You again, I told you be patient and let someone else have a turn, I am getting to you."  I pray for the "button" , for his siblings and for families that have no idea what is about to hit them.

The one lesson scary lesson that my mom has taught me is,
When we are done, we are done. 
I have it, I learned it from my mom and my brother has it and he learned it from both of us.  What is scary is, I think that all my other lessons will be dumped for this one.  The three of us can cut someone out of our lives, like that.  No trouble.  When we have had enough, we say nothing and that is the end.  I am afraid that I am there.  This wouldn't be a good scenario for anyone, especially "the button".

I looked at the ceiling last night and wrestled with my feelings. 

I got up and went through the motions of a Monday. 

I have to remember that my kids come first.  I have to get my love back.  I am going to bake something.  I am going to belt out Amy Winehouse in my kitchen and know that I have done all I can do and somewhere, some how, the lessons learned will be positive.