a letter and a text from a sister and brother

Yesterday,  Addie presented me with a letter that she wants to send to "the button."

Dear "button",

I heard what you did.  I miss you.  I cry at night.  Please stop the nonsense.  You are ripping our family apart.
I do not know why you do these crazy things.  I miss you.  I told you one time but you did not care that when you were little you were nice and made good choices.  I know that you can do this and make better choices.  You are smart.  Stop the nonsense. Get your act together.  I love you.

And then, Walker took my phone.  He saw the "button" listed under contacts.  He sent a text.  Below is the exchange.

"Button, it is me."

"wait, who?"

"this is Walker  I thought you were the jerkiest (their term of enderament) brother.  The coolest brother please come back."

"I don't have a brother.  I am Jay.  Who are you looking for?"

"Sorry.  I thought this was my brother.  He was in rehab and got kicked out.  Excuse me Jay I am sure you are awesome.  Do you know button?"

"I don't think I know a button."

"He was in rehab.  Do you know his number?  I'm his brother and I love him to death and I want to talk to him."

"Nah I don't but I let this dude use my phone at the bus stop last night."


"He has blue eyes and dark hair and he's very strong and young.  Please write back."

"I'm sorry.  I let some one use my phone at the bus stop.  If I ever run into him I will let him know."

"okay you are so awesome.  thank you so much.  you are awesome.  I love him."


This is the OTHER side of the pain from addiction.


Typically, I would NEVER share something so personal from my children.  There is a chance that the "button" just might read this and I wanted him to know.  This is the only reason I posted this.

The "button" is loved and adored by them.

He plays with them, cooks for them, coaches them, builds fires for them, takes them to the pool and they adore him.  So much of their lives and what they have been exposed to, has been from him. 

As much as Franklin and I try to proceed and be "normal", there is an ache.

And finally, lines  from a letter from summer camp to Franklin and me..."I don't have a drinking problem, I did and I admit it but that part of my life is over.  I need you guys, but, I understand if you do not want to help.  Sorry I've put you through all this.  I never should have left the house.  You have to understand that I am different now."

Thirty five days in summer camp, forty-five days at the Land of Oz, and five days at home sober.  Two nights out with "friends" and it is all shot to hell. 

Two little kids missing their brother and I have to wonder, did anybody, any of those "friends" write a letter like hers or did any of his "friends" try and find him?

My letter and text to his friends,

Dear "friends",

My son has an illness.  If he were a diabetic would you make him eat a barrel of candy corn?  Please encourage him to get the help he needs.  If you cannot encourage, leave him alone. 

Thank you.