the story of kids,chaos, mothering challenges and sometimes chocolate
Wednesday, February 11, 2015
it wasn't supposed to be this way but...: Guess who?
it wasn't supposed to be this way but...: Guess who?: I don't like to repost...but occassionally, I feel the need. This weekend is the "LOVE" weekend. Valentine's Day. I am ...
it wasn't supposed to be this way but...: Guess who?
it wasn't supposed to be this way but...: Guess who?: I don't like to repost...but occassionally, I feel the need. This weekend is the "LOVE" weekend. Valentine's Day. I am ...
Thursday, February 5, 2015
it wasn't supposed to be this way but...: An F in cleaning up mistakes
it wasn't supposed to be this way but...: An F in cleaning up mistakes: I am not perfect. I don't pretend to be. I make mistakes daily. Some are big, some are small. I always learn from my mistakes. ...
An F in cleaning up mistakes
I am not perfect. I don't pretend to be.
I make mistakes daily. Some are big, some are small.
I always learn from my mistakes. Some lessons are bigger than others. Some are more significant.
"It is never the mistakes you make, it is how you clean them up that matters." My mantra.
I say this at least once a day to myself, my kids, other people.
Last Thursday, I started my morning with an early morning appointment. Going to make a sale. Instead, my client asks me, "did your kids see the movie?"
No clue. "What movie?"
He then says, "did you not see the news story on the YOUR news?"
Broad Creek Middle School students were shown the video ," A Legal Rocky Mountain High". Described on the CNBC website as a story behind the legalization of marijuana for recreational use.
We cannot show THE HELP in school but we can show a video that refers to Colorado as the "greatest social experiment in the next century."
Oh my, he showed me the movie. I was speechless. A feat.
I sat there in his office, trying to focus and concentrate. I was working. I needed to make a sale. Instead, this is what was running through my head, " I need to call Franklin, why didn't my kids tell me, I need to go to the school, I need to talk to the Principal, I need to start town hall meetings again, what did my kids hear, oh my goodness, I need to make a sale."
I left. No sale. I guess the lesson here is, "watch your station's news before you go on the early morning sales call."
As I drove home, I worked myself into a frenzy. When I get passionate, excited, or just really worked up, I get cotton mouth. Oh, the irony. I called Franklin. I vomited words over the phone.
And then I called the middle school and asked for the Principal. I was told she was busy, (I bet she was) and I could leave a voice mail.
The beep went off and I could barely get my lips to go over my teeth. A Giant Sequoia could have been growing in my mouth it was so dry. I left a message.
But I couldn't wait for a response. I called the Carteret County School District office. Of course, I asked for the "man in charge" and I was told he was on his way to the middle school. Why do I think he didn't obey the speed limit?
So, I asked for a man dear to my heart. I never like to mention names on here but he is a class act and his last name is the opposite of "tops". He is the bomb.
He took my call. He immediately calmed me down. He is a class act.
I told him I had only one question, "what was the educational purpose of showing this movie?"
"None. There is no reason it should have been shown. You have every right as a parent to be as upset as your are...I am too." Did I mention he is a class act?
He told me to exercise my right and let me concerns be heard. As we were hanging up, the Principal beeped in.
To her credit, The Principal and Vice Principal were returning my call.
Again, one question. "What was the educational purpose of showing this movie?"
Unlike the previous call, she read a prepared statement. I do not have a problem with the prepared statement. I am positive I wasn't the only phone call that morning and I personally thought a prepared statement was a good idea.
The statement was something about marketing toward teens and making good choices.
Marketing? Did she really say MARKETING? Marketing?
My response went something like this, "thank you for your answer and the your courage. Did you know that I have a 35 year career in electronic marketing? I put a radio station on the air, named after my oldest son, BOB 93.3 geared toward teens, worked for the universal company COCA COLA and there is a very concrete plan when Taylor Swift is strumming that banjo with a Diet Coke beside her and now I work in broadcast television. If you wanted a presentation to show teens how they can be influenced by marketing, my friends at the radio station and my power chicks at the television station could put together a presentation that would be award winning."
And then I was silent because there was not one drop of moisture in my mouth.
I asked her if she had seen the movie and she told me that she "knew about the movie but had not watched it."
A for Honesty.
F for being foolish. You know about a movie entitled "A Legal Rocky Mountain High" but you don't watch the movie? Really?
She asked me what I thought could be done and I said I wanted the same 42 minutes with those kids to show them the real story about pot. But, I explained to her I would be transparent in my presentation. She could see it and edit it before and parents would be included. She said that a Resource Officer would be doing a presentation. I asked, "parents will be included, right?"
She did not say yes. I begged.
She told me that there wasn't a budget for a Resource Officer and I interrupted her and said, "cut the crap, this isn't about money, this is about making good decisions."
And then I said, "it isn't just about the movie. You have four formally trained and educated teachers who watched this movie and NONE of them said, "hey, do you think this is a good idea? or I don't know, think we need to ask permission about this one...or "there is a voice in my gut that says this is not the movie that really teaches good things to kids".
"And, if the website doesn't roll out correctly Mr. Obama and your name is on the website, it is your fault."
I asked why I get 6 all calls a week, 12 if they are fund raising and I never got a call, a flier, a permission slip, and notice on the website, NOTHING to let me know what my kids were going to be exposed to and never giving me the chance to opted out.
She apologized. Profusely.
I hung up after I begged her to include the parents.
I sat down and just felt distraught. The last three years were behind us but my body felt like it did in the beginning. I knew I wasn't being a drama queen. I was sick. I was mad. But, I couldn't spit. So mad I could spit and I couldn't spit which compounded the issue.
I received 18 phone calls, 14 text, 7 private Face book messages and one lovely phone call from a member of the school board.
He too is a class act.
I got my saliva back and my grove too.
This whole situation was a good thing. Kids were talking, asking questions, parents were talking, the mother network was in full force. We had been given a gift. A chance to really educate.
I sent an email to the classy school board member and the big guy in charge. I explained that while I was happy about the Resource Officer coming to speak, in the world of videos and Instagram, they had to catch the attention of the kids. We had to be in their world.
It was important to show pictures of house, nice houses, single wides, condos, mansions, apartments, addiction doesn't care about your address.
Pictures had to be shown of families, blended families, two parent households, single parent households, young parents, old parents, addiction does not care what your family looks like.
Two volunteers should be brought out of the crowd. It should be told to the kids that two of them in that gym would die an untimely death (before 28) because of drugs and alcohol. If you don't do them, it most likely will not be you.
Best friends needed to be come in front of the group. Some of those BFFs will break up because one does drugs and the other does not.
Kids need to understand they have the right to say no to drugs and alcohol at parties and they should not be made to feel uncomfortable. What do they do, what to they say? Talk about it.
They also need to know they are not snitching. Telling someone who can get the abuser help is being part of the solution. Knowing and not helping is being part of the problem.
And, there is HELP. Help is a great thing. Glasses are great things. Hearing Aids, crutches, wheel chairs, all good. So is help. Every kid should have been given a piece of paper. If you ever need help, know someone who needs help, have questions, whatever, write it down and give it to your homeroom teacher. We (the school) will guide you to help.
Imagine my surprise when my kids come from school yesterday and tell me that a Resource Officer did a "session" with them. My kids have seen more about addiction than most adults see in a lifetime. They could teach the class. Walker said it was a "sorry form of an apology because of the movie thing."
Addie asked me about prescription drugs. Prescription drugs. Hmmmm. In Carteret County, we lead the state of North Carolina in prescription drug deaths. Could it be because they are easily accessible in homes?
Maybe, just maybe if parents would have been there, they could have heard this and they would have been inspired to go home and flush some prescription drugs. We don't know because the parents were not invited, AGAIN.
I always thought that the school and the teachers were an extension of my family, that we all worked together, that we backed one another up and supported one another, that we were on the same team? How can I be on a team when I don't even know where and when the game is being played?
What about the kids who don't have anybody to talk to? What about the kid who has pill head parent? Who do they talk to?
And why all the secrecy? When you hide things and are not forth coming, is it me, or do you look guilty? Why not include the parents?
I cannot do the dance if I do not know the steps! Include me. Let me answer my daughter's questions.
But, the biggest fail of all came today. My kids informed me that the four PE teachers have been suspended. When the Vice Principal over heard the kids talking, she said the kids were gossiping. Really? Really?
You think these kids are mature enough to watch 39 minutes of the legalization of marijuana and baking brownies with pot and then listen to a speaker in a college classroom setting but you don't think they are mature enough to handle the truth?
Hey people, you showed them the movie! Even the kids knew it wasn't a smart move. QUIT HIDING. Start talking. Start being real and honest with these kids. How are they going to trust adults if you are not honest? And you people say you are formally trained? Are you kidding? And ONLY the PE teachers are held accountable? What?
Here is why the clean up failed!
The PE teachers are adults. They made a bad decision. They mad a bad decision as an adult. They did not go for help. They didn't purposely make a bad decision. It wasn't their intent to cause this situation...but it happens. Is anybody seeing the parallel?
Nobody gets up in the morning and says, "Hey you know what, today is the day I become a drug addict and start a downward spiral." It Happens.
Nobody means to get a little buzzed with their friends and then drive home after a party and hit a tree and kill their friend. But it happens.
When you take the booze from your friend's house and you all drink some and your friend gets alcohol poisoning, you don't know what to do and your friend's health is compromised. Did you plan it or was it the result of a bad decision?
If the PE teachers would have stood up there and come clean and showed them the parallel, those kids would have listened. If they would have told true stories about people they knew, those kids would have listened. If those PE teachers would have opened up dialogue, those kids would have spoken. If those PE teachers would have role played with one offering another pot and how to handle it, they would have listened.
It is about the kids and being in their worlds. Our administrators need to get in the right world. Get out of the offices and start sitting in the stands. Watch and listen. Listen to the kids. Get in their worlds. Have conversations...real conversations.
I just had to drink some water.
Over Christmas, three kids who went to that same middle school, made a bad decision. A very bad decision. One died and two are charged with his murder. There may be four kids in the entire school who don't know about this. Four okay maybe five. Why wouldn't we use this bad decision as an example?
Why are we so afraid to talk about addiction? Denial is the first sign that there is a problem.
Open up, let it out, get kids talking and for Goodness sake, listen to them when they speak. And, when you have a parent begging you to be a part of the solution, let them in! Who turns away support and help at a school?
This situation opened up my eyes and my heart again.
It takes a village, a town, a county, a country and a culture. Our kids are the future. We are the present. If we don't get honest and real and proactive, their future is going up in smoke. Pun intended.
I am not afraid to talk about addiction. I am also not afraid to act. I am in. I just need a glass of water on the podium.
I make mistakes daily. Some are big, some are small.
I always learn from my mistakes. Some lessons are bigger than others. Some are more significant.
"It is never the mistakes you make, it is how you clean them up that matters." My mantra.
I say this at least once a day to myself, my kids, other people.
Last Thursday, I started my morning with an early morning appointment. Going to make a sale. Instead, my client asks me, "did your kids see the movie?"
No clue. "What movie?"
He then says, "did you not see the news story on the YOUR news?"
Broad Creek Middle School students were shown the video ," A Legal Rocky Mountain High". Described on the CNBC website as a story behind the legalization of marijuana for recreational use.
We cannot show THE HELP in school but we can show a video that refers to Colorado as the "greatest social experiment in the next century."
Oh my, he showed me the movie. I was speechless. A feat.
I sat there in his office, trying to focus and concentrate. I was working. I needed to make a sale. Instead, this is what was running through my head, " I need to call Franklin, why didn't my kids tell me, I need to go to the school, I need to talk to the Principal, I need to start town hall meetings again, what did my kids hear, oh my goodness, I need to make a sale."
I left. No sale. I guess the lesson here is, "watch your station's news before you go on the early morning sales call."
As I drove home, I worked myself into a frenzy. When I get passionate, excited, or just really worked up, I get cotton mouth. Oh, the irony. I called Franklin. I vomited words over the phone.
And then I called the middle school and asked for the Principal. I was told she was busy, (I bet she was) and I could leave a voice mail.
The beep went off and I could barely get my lips to go over my teeth. A Giant Sequoia could have been growing in my mouth it was so dry. I left a message.
But I couldn't wait for a response. I called the Carteret County School District office. Of course, I asked for the "man in charge" and I was told he was on his way to the middle school. Why do I think he didn't obey the speed limit?
So, I asked for a man dear to my heart. I never like to mention names on here but he is a class act and his last name is the opposite of "tops". He is the bomb.
He took my call. He immediately calmed me down. He is a class act.
I told him I had only one question, "what was the educational purpose of showing this movie?"
"None. There is no reason it should have been shown. You have every right as a parent to be as upset as your are...I am too." Did I mention he is a class act?
He told me to exercise my right and let me concerns be heard. As we were hanging up, the Principal beeped in.
To her credit, The Principal and Vice Principal were returning my call.
Again, one question. "What was the educational purpose of showing this movie?"
Unlike the previous call, she read a prepared statement. I do not have a problem with the prepared statement. I am positive I wasn't the only phone call that morning and I personally thought a prepared statement was a good idea.
The statement was something about marketing toward teens and making good choices.
Marketing? Did she really say MARKETING? Marketing?
My response went something like this, "thank you for your answer and the your courage. Did you know that I have a 35 year career in electronic marketing? I put a radio station on the air, named after my oldest son, BOB 93.3 geared toward teens, worked for the universal company COCA COLA and there is a very concrete plan when Taylor Swift is strumming that banjo with a Diet Coke beside her and now I work in broadcast television. If you wanted a presentation to show teens how they can be influenced by marketing, my friends at the radio station and my power chicks at the television station could put together a presentation that would be award winning."
And then I was silent because there was not one drop of moisture in my mouth.
I asked her if she had seen the movie and she told me that she "knew about the movie but had not watched it."
A for Honesty.
F for being foolish. You know about a movie entitled "A Legal Rocky Mountain High" but you don't watch the movie? Really?
She asked me what I thought could be done and I said I wanted the same 42 minutes with those kids to show them the real story about pot. But, I explained to her I would be transparent in my presentation. She could see it and edit it before and parents would be included. She said that a Resource Officer would be doing a presentation. I asked, "parents will be included, right?"
She did not say yes. I begged.
She told me that there wasn't a budget for a Resource Officer and I interrupted her and said, "cut the crap, this isn't about money, this is about making good decisions."
And then I said, "it isn't just about the movie. You have four formally trained and educated teachers who watched this movie and NONE of them said, "hey, do you think this is a good idea? or I don't know, think we need to ask permission about this one...or "there is a voice in my gut that says this is not the movie that really teaches good things to kids".
"And, if the website doesn't roll out correctly Mr. Obama and your name is on the website, it is your fault."
I asked why I get 6 all calls a week, 12 if they are fund raising and I never got a call, a flier, a permission slip, and notice on the website, NOTHING to let me know what my kids were going to be exposed to and never giving me the chance to opted out.
She apologized. Profusely.
I hung up after I begged her to include the parents.
I sat down and just felt distraught. The last three years were behind us but my body felt like it did in the beginning. I knew I wasn't being a drama queen. I was sick. I was mad. But, I couldn't spit. So mad I could spit and I couldn't spit which compounded the issue.
I received 18 phone calls, 14 text, 7 private Face book messages and one lovely phone call from a member of the school board.
He too is a class act.
I got my saliva back and my grove too.
This whole situation was a good thing. Kids were talking, asking questions, parents were talking, the mother network was in full force. We had been given a gift. A chance to really educate.
I sent an email to the classy school board member and the big guy in charge. I explained that while I was happy about the Resource Officer coming to speak, in the world of videos and Instagram, they had to catch the attention of the kids. We had to be in their world.
It was important to show pictures of house, nice houses, single wides, condos, mansions, apartments, addiction doesn't care about your address.
Pictures had to be shown of families, blended families, two parent households, single parent households, young parents, old parents, addiction does not care what your family looks like.
Two volunteers should be brought out of the crowd. It should be told to the kids that two of them in that gym would die an untimely death (before 28) because of drugs and alcohol. If you don't do them, it most likely will not be you.
Best friends needed to be come in front of the group. Some of those BFFs will break up because one does drugs and the other does not.
Kids need to understand they have the right to say no to drugs and alcohol at parties and they should not be made to feel uncomfortable. What do they do, what to they say? Talk about it.
They also need to know they are not snitching. Telling someone who can get the abuser help is being part of the solution. Knowing and not helping is being part of the problem.
And, there is HELP. Help is a great thing. Glasses are great things. Hearing Aids, crutches, wheel chairs, all good. So is help. Every kid should have been given a piece of paper. If you ever need help, know someone who needs help, have questions, whatever, write it down and give it to your homeroom teacher. We (the school) will guide you to help.
Imagine my surprise when my kids come from school yesterday and tell me that a Resource Officer did a "session" with them. My kids have seen more about addiction than most adults see in a lifetime. They could teach the class. Walker said it was a "sorry form of an apology because of the movie thing."
Addie asked me about prescription drugs. Prescription drugs. Hmmmm. In Carteret County, we lead the state of North Carolina in prescription drug deaths. Could it be because they are easily accessible in homes?
Maybe, just maybe if parents would have been there, they could have heard this and they would have been inspired to go home and flush some prescription drugs. We don't know because the parents were not invited, AGAIN.
I always thought that the school and the teachers were an extension of my family, that we all worked together, that we backed one another up and supported one another, that we were on the same team? How can I be on a team when I don't even know where and when the game is being played?
What about the kids who don't have anybody to talk to? What about the kid who has pill head parent? Who do they talk to?
And why all the secrecy? When you hide things and are not forth coming, is it me, or do you look guilty? Why not include the parents?
I cannot do the dance if I do not know the steps! Include me. Let me answer my daughter's questions.
But, the biggest fail of all came today. My kids informed me that the four PE teachers have been suspended. When the Vice Principal over heard the kids talking, she said the kids were gossiping. Really? Really?
You think these kids are mature enough to watch 39 minutes of the legalization of marijuana and baking brownies with pot and then listen to a speaker in a college classroom setting but you don't think they are mature enough to handle the truth?
Hey people, you showed them the movie! Even the kids knew it wasn't a smart move. QUIT HIDING. Start talking. Start being real and honest with these kids. How are they going to trust adults if you are not honest? And you people say you are formally trained? Are you kidding? And ONLY the PE teachers are held accountable? What?
Here is why the clean up failed!
The PE teachers are adults. They made a bad decision. They mad a bad decision as an adult. They did not go for help. They didn't purposely make a bad decision. It wasn't their intent to cause this situation...but it happens. Is anybody seeing the parallel?
Nobody gets up in the morning and says, "Hey you know what, today is the day I become a drug addict and start a downward spiral." It Happens.
Nobody means to get a little buzzed with their friends and then drive home after a party and hit a tree and kill their friend. But it happens.
When you take the booze from your friend's house and you all drink some and your friend gets alcohol poisoning, you don't know what to do and your friend's health is compromised. Did you plan it or was it the result of a bad decision?
If the PE teachers would have stood up there and come clean and showed them the parallel, those kids would have listened. If they would have told true stories about people they knew, those kids would have listened. If those PE teachers would have opened up dialogue, those kids would have spoken. If those PE teachers would have role played with one offering another pot and how to handle it, they would have listened.
It is about the kids and being in their worlds. Our administrators need to get in the right world. Get out of the offices and start sitting in the stands. Watch and listen. Listen to the kids. Get in their worlds. Have conversations...real conversations.
I just had to drink some water.
Over Christmas, three kids who went to that same middle school, made a bad decision. A very bad decision. One died and two are charged with his murder. There may be four kids in the entire school who don't know about this. Four okay maybe five. Why wouldn't we use this bad decision as an example?
Why are we so afraid to talk about addiction? Denial is the first sign that there is a problem.
Open up, let it out, get kids talking and for Goodness sake, listen to them when they speak. And, when you have a parent begging you to be a part of the solution, let them in! Who turns away support and help at a school?
This situation opened up my eyes and my heart again.
It takes a village, a town, a county, a country and a culture. Our kids are the future. We are the present. If we don't get honest and real and proactive, their future is going up in smoke. Pun intended.
I am not afraid to talk about addiction. I am also not afraid to act. I am in. I just need a glass of water on the podium.
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